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Viv
Joined: 25 Apr 2003
Reviews: 673
Location: Texas
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Tue Jul 08, 2003 6:28 pm
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| Lovely. Between you and ArielArat, I am fast becoming a hobbit fan. Thanks for posting here; your writing is a joy. |
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PearlTook
Joined: 02 Jul 2003
Reviews: 14
Location: Illinois, USA
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Tue Jul 08, 2003 7:23 pm
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Viv said
> Lovely. Between you and ArielArat, I am fast becoming a hobbit fan. Thanks for posting here; your writing is a joy.
Thank you Viv! I'm glad to hear I'm helping the hobbits work their way into your heart. You are kind to respond, thank you so much!
Pearl Took |
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Ellbee
Joined: 12 May 2003
Reviews: 24
Location:
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Thu Jul 17, 2003 10:39 pm
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What a wonderful story! These guys are just adorable. They're little stinkers, but adorable. One question - have you got a hidden camera in my house?  -Ell |
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PearlTook
Joined: 02 Jul 2003
Reviews: 14
Location: Illinois, USA
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Fri Jul 18, 2003 9:56 am
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Ellbee said
> What a wonderful story! These guys are just adorable. They're little stinkers, but adorable. One question - have you got a hidden camera in my house? -Ell
Ellbee,
Should I have a camera hidden in your house? hehehe I'm so glad you enjoyed the story and thank you for posting your response! Pearl |
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Ariel
Joined: 25 Apr 2003
Reviews: 48
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Sat Jul 19, 2003 3:19 pm
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The story is very sweet and the idea is just charming, though I think a beta reader would help both the text and formatting. I read this just as I had put my two little monsters (darlings) down for a nap because I needed the rest, and it was the perfect thing to read for the occasion.
One thing I did notice and, though I am not the world's authority, I do think I an right in this; when you have a quote followed by the 'said so-and-so' I notice you capitalize the word 'said'. You aren't supposed to. Instead of this:
"She won’t know otherwise, Pippin.” Said a voice she recognized as Merry’s.
You should write this:
"She won’t know otherwise, Pippin,” said a voice she recognized as Merry’s.
It isn't two sentences, it's one sentence. Use a comma instead and don't capitalize the next word. If the following line IS a new sentence like this:
“Pippin! Your shirt!” She had walked up to him and could see that the shirt was torn.
then you DO capitalize the 'She' because the above is actually two sentences. Does that make sense?
I used to make this mistake ALL the time until someone pointed it out to me! You are a very good writer and shouldn't let little, easily correctable errors like that detract from an otherwise adorable tale.
Ariel |
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Leilana
Joined: 19 Jan 2004
Reviews: 56
Location:
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Sun Feb 01, 2004 12:30 pm
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a very sweet story and im sure all the mothers here have had a similar such experience with their children!  an adorable story. thanks |
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KhazarKhum
Joined: 02 Sep 2003
Reviews: 135
Location: Quartz Hill, CA--USA
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Mon Feb 09, 2004 3:22 am
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I have to agree with Ariel: for all its charm, this needs a thorough betaing. I think if it was run past a good beta, someone who didn't let you charm your way out of it (a la Pippin  ) you'd have an unbeatably fun little work. |
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KhazarKhum
Joined: 02 Sep 2003
Reviews: 135
Location: Quartz Hill, CA--USA
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Mon Feb 09, 2004 3:44 am
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I forgot to add:
this is the kind of story that makes me angry at the Tolkien people. This would be a wonderful children's book. I can see it now: glowing, loving illustrations; gentle humor; a message for the kids. It's a pity that things like this can't be seen by more people. |
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