Reviews for "All he ever wanted"

Sun Aug 08, 2004 1:12 pm

Hi Gloredhel

Please excuse any mistakes I'm gonna make since english isn't my mother tongue. But I still wanted to tell you what I think.

First I wanna say that I have read also parts of your other story and I quite like the ideas on which you base your stories. The summaries of your stories sound interesting. And I admire your courage in posting them. I' m too much of a coward for that; shame on me *grins*

But I also see some problems in the way you write. I don't want to criticize you too badly since you're still young and with a few more years of experience you could certainly become quite a good writer.

1) You jump too quickly between different parts of the plot line. As a reader I can only barely keep up with your story. Everything seems to happen at once.

2) Your story doesn't flow right. The sentences seem like pearls without a string to keep them together. Some subordinate clauses would help.

Perhaps you should consider getting a beta reader. Your work would profit from good advise and your skills as a writer could blossom.

Please don't stop your writing. After all the enjoyment you get from writing should always come first and no master (or mistress in your case) has ever fallen from the sky (do they even have that proverb in the States *puts on her thinking face*)

If you wanna talk some more about your stories you can of course e-mail me.

Kalia

Sun Aug 08, 2004 7:16 pm

Actually, I agree with Kalia. You've got the beginnings of a great story, but you could use a beta. I'm sure there are many writers on this board that would be willing to beta a young, ambitious, aspiring writer, such as yourself. Please don't be discouraged, continue your writing and find a beta, and you'll do great.

You are so cool! When I was 15, I never would have had the courage to post ANYTHING that I had written...perhaps that's why I suck at writing now Confused smiley face

Keep writing...and I'll keep reading!

You rock smiley face

Thu Aug 12, 2004 7:03 pm

Ah, so the plot thickens Very Happy smiley face

Cimorene seems to be very happy with her choice of mate, so I hope that she isn't tempted to take back Linhir. After all, he did cheat on her.
Update soon Very Happy smiley face

Michelle

Thu Aug 12, 2004 10:30 pm

While reading your story I got the impression that you were in a hurry to reach the end. Certainly all stories eventually come to an end, but in your haste it was as if chunks of your story were forgotten. For example in Chapter 7, Cimorene and Glorfindel confess their love to one another. Then bam in Chapter 8, it is years later and your OFC is ready to give birth to her first child. My question is - what happened between those two points in time? Not that you need to spend pages upon pages explaining matters, but a little bit of insight into the relationship between your two characters would be helpful. And as Kalia said, finding a beta reader would be helpful in providing you feedback for your story before it is posted. You obviously care about your characters or else you wouldn't have taken the time to write and then share this story at Open Scrolls. My advice is to slow down and let your story unfold.

Sun Jan 16, 2005 11:12 am

I loved it. Even with all the little jumps.

I do agree that it was rushed. Perhaps you could expand on Cimorene's death; the initial grief upon Glorfindel, Tyrian, and Lyra. The time-frame did seem a bit rushed but i think this is just a lovely story involving our darling Glorfindel.

Wonderful job.
~Christina

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Reviews for "All he ever wanted"