| Author | Review |
|---|
Anna
Joined: 29 Jan 2004
Reviews: 108
Location: Sweden
|
|
Sun Aug 29, 2004 3:53 am
|
|
|
Hmm.....a good idea, I think, but it confused me to no ends.
When is this supposed to take place? What, in the world, could make the Elves weak and vulnerable? Do you mean they´ve become weak just because they´ve chose to turn their backs to the mortals? I don´t understand.
Dwarves awakening the Elves? Was the Elves asleep? Why? How did the Dwarves know that and how did they know where to find them?
Also.....'forced every world of man to unite'. How many worlds are there? Do you mean realms/kingdoms? Or are there different worlds?
I´m terribly sorry, but this was simply very confusing. It raised a lot of questions with no answers, and left me somewhat frustrated and annoyed. I know it´s supposed to be AU, which I usually like. I´m convinced I could like this too, if only it didn´t confuse the hell out of me. 
Do you have a beta? If not, I´d recommend you get one. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions or if you just want to vent a bit.
Btw, I really liked the first line: 'It was a world of beauty turned into a world of fire'. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
Clue
Joined: 19 May 2004
Reviews: 6
Location:
|
|
Sun Aug 29, 2004 12:27 pm
|
|
|
| Anna brings up some good questions! I feel you have a good base for an excellent story here! Don't give up on it....You have my attention and I'm on the edge of my seat ! You gave us a taste now run with it ...if you don't have a beta stop and grab one then run! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Tara
Joined: 29 May 2004
Reviews: 18
Location:
|
|
Wed Sep 08, 2004 7:50 pm
|
|
|
Sometimes I just like to read for the enjoyment without pulling apart every detail. 
Please do not be discouraged. I am eagerly waiting for e-mail to let me know that this has been updated. Legolas going crazy is a new exciting twist to what I am used to reading. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Tesseleve
Joined: 24 Jun 2004
Reviews: 73
Location:
|
|
Tue Oct 26, 2004 10:44 pm
|
|
|
 woooooooo this is definly twist to a story
so lord elrond never marries the lady cellborn, instead marries the lady of mirkwood
mmmmm wild  got me curios how this is ganna end.
PLEASE POST AGIN  |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Viv
Joined: 25 Apr 2003
Reviews: 673
Location: Texas
|
|
Thu Dec 16, 2004 9:59 pm
|
|
|
| Your writing style is superb. I mean it; I was right there in Tari's head through the whole thing. Verb usage, sentence structure, pacing, and dialogue: all stellar. Only problem: this isn't Tolkien's world. The whole piece is full of modernisms and oddities that the AU label just doens't fix. I buy that elves, as they linger in Middle-earth, are overtaken by shadow and act bizarre. I'd buy it a little more if the time were later, like several centuries later, but even so, the Legolas-gone-evil angle doesn't disturb me nearly so much as the flat-out anti-Tolkien parts of this story. For instance, there is no city in Mirkwood, nor bathrooms in elven households. I suspect if anyone had asked Tolkien, he would have said that elven maids do not wear pants or lace panties. They probably also don't say things like "Get the hell out of my room." Please understand, this review is not a flame. I think you are a very talented writer, and this story, while disturbing, is crafted very well. However, I hope you'll consider renaming the characters and trying to sell it to an erotica or fetish journal. I think it would be received well. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
rashida7777
Joined: 08 Mar 2004
Reviews: 23
Location:
|
|
Tue Dec 28, 2004 7:45 am
|
|
|
| Just looking forward to the next chapter!!! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
mellaofmithlond1
Joined: 02 Jan 2007
Reviews: 1
Location: London
|
|
Thu Mar 27, 2008 9:43 pm
|
|
|
| this is an interesting story. i have never read one where Legolas was seen as the bad guy. when is your next chapter coming. i want to see where this will lead. i encourage your work. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Live Journal Feed
