Reviews for "Do Not Stand At My Grave"

Fri Sep 24, 2004 6:46 am

It's a good start so far. I hope to read more soon. Smile smiley face

Mon Sep 27, 2004 3:25 pm

Oh no! This seemed such a good piece! Its structurally sound, good grammer and only minor punctuation mistakes. Nice use of wording and the descriptions were lovely. Other small mistake was that you dont correctly denote speech and thoughts. Should be as so:

"Aiya, Ada!" The elleth screamed.

'Is this my ending? Is this how I shall cease my days?' She thought as she plummeted into the icy waters.

***

Now, the reason I say 'seemed' like such a good fic. This is a Mary Sue. Its not even close to being original. You see, Original Female Characters are not sues because the writer has striven to make that character real and believable. She fits effortlessly into Tolkiens works.

This character has an un-elven name, is Elronds 9008657 daughter and is on a path to being a shag of Haldirs. There is nothing new in any of that. Why should your readers read this one over any of the hundreds of other fics that are almost identical? You have to give us something more, something new and unique to you.

There is no real reason she needs to be Elronds daughter. This would have worked brilliantly if you had made her Original and from another family, either made up or random like Erestors daughter etc.

She trained in Lothlorien? Why? Why did it have to be with Haldir? Would he not have been busy being a warden?

Why have you not given her a correct name when you went to the effort of inserting elvish?

Im so dissapointed with this chapter. Its started so well! Please do your talent a big favour and make those small changes so this fiction is original and new. Confused smiley face

Login

Navigation

RSS Feeds

Reviews for "Do Not Stand At My Grave"