Reviews for "Rider of the Mark"

Sat Mar 12, 2005 2:46 am

Ooooh! *silly grin moment*

I've had a couple of rough weeks and no fic reading, so it was a delight to find not only two new chapters of this fine tale, but also that those two shy, decripit old people finally found the courage to do something! It's very refreshing with a realistic sex scene between an 'ordinary' man and woman, with their physical flaws, past experiences etc. And I just love how this chapter ties in with one of the most powerful movie moments (not that it wasn't great in the book too, just less spectacular), how you use it as a kind of backdrop, rather than letting it dominate the story. *cantwaitcantwairformoresweetthings*

Mon Mar 14, 2005 5:31 pm

Oh I love your Eomer Very Happy smiley face

["She isn't capable of defending hers-... OW!" The Marshal recoiled away from her, holding his arm, where his sister had punched him hard. "You are so mean to me. Uncle!" he whined peevishly to Théoden, "she *hit* me! She is always mean to me! Will you beat her?"

"No." Théoden's upper lip had started to twitch.

"Can I beat her?"

"You?" Eowyn screeched. "Beat me? Why I'll knock you senseless, not that that would be difficult!"

"I can still dunk you into the horse trough!"

"No, you can't!"

"Yes," Éomer reiterated and he stood as if to further his point, "I can!" He glanced quickly at Théoden. "I can, can't I?"]
Oh, so funny. The Rohirrim, especially Eomer and Gamling are very charming.

Gamling, now that's a "virgin" teritory for a fic Wink smiley face

It's great to see such a wonderful story about the Rohirrim, with their way of living and thinking different from that of Gondorians and Elves, but not worse, Beer smiley face

much more informal, where the royal family banters and tries matchmaking those around them Respekt smiley face

oh and very nice ending of the chapter 6. that was unexpected: [I want... I want... what I want is..."

"Yes?"

She was squinting over the horizon. "What I want to know is, where are our horses?"]
You make me laugh a lot reading this story Very Happy smiley face

: [Éomer fled the barn, laughing like a loon, while Gamling was left behind, banging his head against the wall.] Thank you very much, i needed a good laugh lately.

Mon Mar 21, 2005 6:03 am

reviewing b-4 i go to school! LOVELY chapter. *giggles* Theoden...Gamling.....*THUD*

Mon Mar 21, 2005 4:15 pm

Hey Zee - I LOVE this! I haven't been to this site in awhile and last week when I was visiting Nove she told me about it and I'm so glad she did! Can't wait for more! Gamling! Who would have thought????

Mon Mar 21, 2005 4:57 pm

Zee,
Well, I am only 3 months late on reviewing this story (although I had skimmed the beginning already). That's not too bad considering how things have been these past few months. I definitely enjoyed chapter 1. Very visual with lots of details that added to the realism. Most everything you wrote was extremely plausible, and you did it with your own distinctive style.

Needless to say, I am not fond of the movie verse aspect because of the elf business (I like my elves alive), but that aside, I think this chapter was nearly perfect. I would remove the very first line because to me it sounds more like Zee than Gamling. But for the most part it sounded very much the way a Rohirrim male might think and react. I liked the way you let the reader know how he worked his way up in the ranks, how he valued his hard-earned rank, and how he would die for his king, if need be. Very honorable.

The woman was interesting. Just as spunky as a certain author I know, and at the same time she seems to be a woman of her time, so to speak. She seemed ready to be nice to him until he was disrespectful to her, and then he got what he deserved. My favorite part was where he said: "It's hair. What should I do with it? Wear it up in ribbons?" lol

Oh, and I thought the part about the halflings kicking the ale onto him so he needed that bath to be quite plausible. Oddly, I felt annoyed with the silly hobbits, lol. Thank you for sharing your marvelous talent. I look forward to reading more of this story.

Thu Mar 24, 2005 6:59 pm

Zee,
I just finished reading chapter 2 of Rider of the Mark, and I have only good things to say. You have grown so much as a writer since you first embarked on EV, which is not to imply that that story lacked, but I can just see the difference. Which is as it should be, of course.

The dialogue is so realistic that it takes the breath away. Your Théoden and your Gamling have such distinctive voices, each unique to the character. They sound like themselves, so much so that I can almost hear them in my head. Excellent use of dialogue and excellent dialogue tags. Dialogue tags are something that a lot of writers don’t put enough work into (including myself, at times), but they are important because they further the visuals and contribute to the tempo of the story and of course identify the speaker of the dialogue.

An example of an excellent dialogue tag is this: [Théoden refilled his tankard, not to drink from it, but to contemplate the swirling liquid held within.] That single sentence accomplishes so much. Skillful writing!

Another example of something I thought illustrated the sophistication of your writing was this line: [Gamling's mind flew. It was capable of such, even for all his friends and cohorts teasing him of his careful, methodical ways.] Writing like this just blows me away. *g*

You also pay homage to the reader’s senses, something that always contributes something to a story. When we can hear, taste, smell and see what’s going on (not to mention feel, whenever possible) that enhances the whole reading experience. An example where you did this is: [For a few moments, the only sound to be heard was the crackling and popping of wood in the fireplace.] I just thought that was excellent.

Again, I thought the dialogue was sophisticated as well as realistic. An example of where I especially took note of this is: ["Of course it is, Gamling of the Westemnet. That is why you are here and not Gandalf or Aragorn. Rise, my friend." He stepped back, allowing Gamling room to stand. "And sheath your weapon. Someone will come in and think you wish my head."]

Now the whole part about Théoden wanting Gamling to move into the Great Hall seems plausible for the reasons stated in the story. I liked how you justified it through Théoden’s voice and viewpoint, even though you were actually in Gamling’s viewpoint. It worked well.

Gamling has moments where he seems simple [Sire, you ARE Rohan. – a statement that from another character might be interpreted as blindly loyal or even naïve], but we know that he is not simple because 1) Théoden says so; 2) Théoden trusts him; 3) we are in Gamling’s viewpoint and so we already acquainted with the workings of his mind. Nothing too sophisticated so far, but there are hints of it, not to mention that as a character he comes across as very sympathetic.

How clever of you to use Grima’s vacated room in this story. Your description of it was wonderful, but even better was Gamling’s realistic reaction. I liked that very much. And then Aefre shows up, right on cue. Perfect. I like how you wove her touches of sympathy into her more confrontational attitudes. It gives her depth and makes her likeable. If she were just “tough” on him, for lack of a better word, she would not be nearly as sympathetic to the reader. I also liked that she grinned at him, and that he found her grin attractive. I’m glad she wasn’t missing all her teeth or something. *g* That might be a little too realistic for my taste. His reaction to her chatter was amusing. How like a man, lol.

So in short, I have a lot of good things to say about this chapter. The only word I would suggest altering is the word “input” which sounds too modern to my ear. I think you could simply stick with the word ‘advice’ or ‘counsel’, which is more “period”. Oh, and of course you did technically violate viewpoint when you mention things that Gamling does not see while still in his viewpoint, but then many other authors have done this too. It is something one needs to do consciously, not by accident. Once one understands the rules of viewpoint, one knows when and under what circumstances to violate them. This is a case in point: [Had he been looking, he would have seen . . . etc.] Since it contributes to the story, I think that kind of thing is just fine. In other words, the good outweighs the bad. Any type of viewpoint switching or finagling is best done at the conclusion of a scene and not in the middle of one, and that is exactly what you did. So, in my admittedly unexpert opinion, this worked. I hope I don’t come across as a know-it-all. I am just offering my opinions, for whatever they are worth. Also, I just thought you’d like something a little more in-depth than “Whoo hoo, that was great!” which was my first reaction. hehehehe

Thank you for sharing your marvelous talent.

Sat Mar 26, 2005 8:11 am

Wow! A *manflesh* story by you, Zee! I'm so excited! I am sorry to hear about your stress and worry for your son (I pray that he's on the mend) and that the muses are *dead* on TL, but goody for me, to get to read a really good *manflesh* story by one of my favorite fic writers! You so totally rock!
Did you get the idea for this fic after watching the extended ROTK dvd? Because I had noticed, before I knew about this fic, that Gamling has some extended screen time...just wondering...
Kudos, great story, and again best wishes and hopes for your son's condition (and your own bronchial pneumonia, please don't hack up a lung, you need two you know!)
sincerely,
Sakai

Mon Mar 28, 2005 1:31 am

sakai213 said
> Wow! A *manflesh* story by you, Zee! I'm so excited! I am sorry to hear about your stress and worry for your son (I pray that he's on the mend) and that the muses are *dead* on TL, but goody for me, to get to read a really good *manflesh* story by one of my favorite fic writers! You so totally rock!
> Did you get the idea for this fic after watching the extended ROTK dvd? Because I had noticed, before I knew about this fic, that Gamling has some extended screen time...just wondering...
> Kudos, great story, and again best wishes and hopes for your son's condition (and your own bronchial pneumonia, please don't hack up a lung, you need two you know!)
> sincerely,
> Sakai

Surprised smiley face

ops:

Thank you. Over-sized rugrat is doing well and eating me out of house and home, TL bunnies are bouncing - slowly and painfully, but the Muses haven't left me, just left me alone to deal with RL. Isn't manflesh fun? No LaCE to worry over and you know, men have SEX and like it! I have found my calling!

The EE's aren't what got me wanting to write a Gamling story - in fact it was actually MEETING Bruce (and Craig and Sala) at Dragoncon last September. A long, but lovely story, which I won't tell here. Bruce is an amazing human being and I did a search for several days looking for Gamling fic and there WASN'T any. Well, there was SOME and it all paired him with Hama or Eomer or abusive Theodan. One was particularly shuddering and I kept thinking... there's GOT to be a het Gamling somewhere...

But noooo... so I'm writing one. There was a NEED... a deeeep need (can I get an 'amen' from the gallery? Hallelujia sistah!) and I have tried to fulfill it!

Talasi, Frigg, Mal, Artanis... everyone that I didn't name, thank you So much. These two are growing on me and I'm glad they are growing on you!

Julie - your review is GOLD to me. I know how much you love your Elves... ALIVE. And to know that you have taken time to even READ this, just makes me tingle. Your advice and input is always appreciated and welcomed.

Just so you know, 14 is done and will be on its way to the betas... when I can get the FRICKING virus off my computer so I can access it....

Hate viruses. nasssssties, they are.... hatesssss them we do! Evil or Very Mad smiley face

Tue Mar 29, 2005 2:13 am

Zee - ooh, I bow to you. This is absolutely great! How well to include a little of Théoden's love life as well - he most certainly needed to get laid ..... and somehow I knew that "the brat" could not settle for one! Looking forward to 14! Love, Frigg

Thu Apr 07, 2005 7:51 pm

oh dear sweet lord what a wonderful chapter! Like always you suck me right in and make me settle down right into my computer chair to read. I love your portrayel of Theoden and he breaks my heart. *sighs* Aefre *giggles*

just lovely

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Reviews for "Rider of the Mark"