Reviews for "Primoris"

Sun Jan 02, 2005 10:19 am

I am so intrigued by this story, and can't wait to see where you vision leads.

Sun Jan 02, 2005 11:07 am

I'm a sucker for a good modern day-AU story. Rolling Eyes smiley face

I especially liked the last paragraph. I love foreshadow Razz smiley face

I think this story could be one of my addictions. This time of year is a busy one, so it might take awhile to find a Beta, but I think you need one. (Even the best have one). I found some misused words, grammar mistakes, and awkward sentence structure that a Beta could fix. While it is a good idea to always tie Middle-earth to modern Earth in AU stories, I think maybe you did it too much. A more condensed summary would work much better. My suggestion is that if the information doesn't have to do directly with the Ring and/or the evilness of gold, cut it out. Overall, this is a promising start. I can't wait to read more!

Wed Feb 09, 2005 4:20 pm

This has got a very....medieval feel to it? By that I mean when you are reading, you don't feel like you're about to embark on some Steinbeck/Eliot-esque voyage of oddity and depression, or that you are suddenly going to find yourself in the mist of a Danielle Steele-verse. The language gives the story edge and authority without losing its modern-ness.

I agree that the prologue could perhaps be condensed. Maybe because I'm familiar with some of the historic material, but also because it is a prologue and readers can have short attention spans (I'm guilty for sure). The foreshadowing is great. I love a good tease.

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Reviews for "Primoris"