Reviews for "Funny...This Doesn't Look Like Vegas..."

Tue Feb 15, 2005 10:18 am

Ch1. This looks like it is going to be fun. Nicely done, nice flow, nice introduction, realistic.

Inglor

Tue Feb 15, 2005 9:16 pm

Love your OC very quirky

Elladan and Elrohir two of my fav characters.

Looks like this is going to be a exciting fic please continue Razz smiley face

Tue Feb 15, 2005 10:23 pm

I just read through Chapter 3, and I must say that I can't wait for the next chapter! I'm starting to really love stories with the twins in it even more, and the comedy you inserted here and there is hilarious! Really, keep writing, I can't wait to read more.

Cheers.

Tue Feb 15, 2005 11:47 pm

Oooh, after reading Chapter 4, I am most definitely interested now! Post more plz, asap! Very Happy smiley face

Wed Feb 16, 2005 2:01 am

Keep going, please! This made me laugh out loud several times, and I love the twins!

Wed Feb 16, 2005 6:06 am

Although I usually have difficulties with the 'falling into ME' approach, I have to admit that yours is rather novel. You provide a believable means of sending Alice into a dimension which is patently not her own and definitely not Las Vegas. You, inadvertently and amusingly, poke a little fun at the online travel business (I say inadvertently because you may not have intended to do that and not everyone will read it like that). The atmosphere, the behaviour of the twins when they meet her and their way of talking and the problems a modern woman would encounter are well thought out and even though I can't exactly see where the plot is going, the premise is interesting enough to make me curious.

I like the way you have portrayed Elladan and Elrohir and the fact that they would be as confused as she was. However, I'm not so sure that Elrond, Erestor and Glorfindel would be as tetchy as you've made them. They might be curious as to what such a strange female is doing in the woods of Imladris, but they wouldn't feel threatened by her in any way. Elrond and Glorfindel are Elf Lords, they have survived thousands of years and many real threats - too many to be that concerned about Alice's appearance. I feel that they would be guarded and curious, but not accusatory. That having been said, you have at least kept all of the Elves well within the boundaries of what Tolkien would have wanted them to be. You have, interestingly enough, done something many LOTR fanfiction authors don't manage, and that is to show the Elves' mischievous side without them devolving into a bunch of ridiculous modern pranksters.

I feel you may want to watch your attribution of titles to the Elves. Although in the movie Aragorn refers to Elrond as 'My Lord Elrond' in the Dunharrow tent scene, in fact if I recall correctly Tolkien never referred to him as 'Lord' anything. He was referred to as 'Master Elrond'. Tolkien referred to Elrohir and Elladan as the 'Sons of Elrond' and inferred that they were as fair as Elven Lords. Although Elrond had the rights of succession after Gil-Galad's death to the title High King of the Noldor, he never took the title. He was never King in any way and his sons are therefore not princes. Even Legolas who was the son of an Elven King was not referred to as a prince and you could argue that he had every right to expect it.

The other thing you may want to think about, although the story is interesting enough to make it a minor point, is the fact that poor Alice would not have spoken in heavily accented Westron. Westron was actually nothing like English. She would have found it impossible to make herself understood in English without exaggerated sign language and would not have understood anything the Elves said to her. I fully realise that for the purposes of story flow you have used poetic licence, but it might have been fun if the language barrier had caused as many problems as Alice's inability to cope with the lack of plumbing and cell phones, the strange clothing and the archaic behaviour of her hosts. I have only ever seen one story like that and much to my dismay I have not been able to find it again. However the notion of neither side understanding and the misunderstandings that would have come from this could have made for a good and very funny fanfic which would have still stayed within canon and owed nothing to modern humour being translated into a medieval world, that being the way LOTR and many other fandom writers make their stories amusing.

The other thing is that normally I personally feel the use of Elvish in a fic is unnecessary. As I pointed out to another author on this archive, the majority of readers know that the Elves spoke their own language and that there were many other languages spoken in ME. We would naturally assume that when talking amongst themselves, they would speak their own language, therefore the spattering of Elvish phrases is redundant, except in the first instance when they try to communicate with Alice. Far better to let the reader just assume that Elves are speaking Sindarin or Quenyan or whatever dialect they use. The use of occasional Elvish phrases merely detracts from the story and directs the reader's attention away from the plot and the developing characters.

These are just suggestions. I feel that even AU works should always show respect for Tolkien's original creation. I can't fault your grammar, the character who I rather liked, spelling, atmosphere and respect for the original work. I await with interest to see where you take this to next.

Thu Feb 17, 2005 5:33 pm

Wow, you've been a busy little bee, haven't you--and I'm glad for it! This story is becoming so cute! And, regarding the part where one of the twins says, "She's wants to maul me!," I was thinking, "yes, yes, I would." LOL. Very Happy smiley face

Sat Feb 19, 2005 7:30 pm

May I ask why you abruptly ended this story? I could have seen this story going on for many more chapters. I would have liked to see what happened in Gondor, and with the twins. It seems that the twins really cared for her. It would have been interesting to see if even a slight romance could have developed between Alice and one of the twins. Even if not that, I truly wish you would consider revising and not make Chapter 6 the conclusion.

Sun Feb 20, 2005 10:29 pm

I would have to agree. It was going so well and then it just stopped. *Groans* why, oh why? Please reconsider. It's difficult to find new and interesting fanfic that takes a different approach from what has already been done, and sometimes exhausted. May what inspires you to write continue to do so... =]

Tue Feb 22, 2005 2:52 pm

YAY!! Thank you so much for continuing!! As expected, amazingly revised chapter 6 was great! Ooh! Can't wait until they get to Gondor!! *jumps up and down, hugs you tightly and then does the happy dance*.. May what inspires you to write continue to do so... =]

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Reviews for "Funny...This Doesn't Look Like Vegas..."