Reviews for "The Feud of Shadow and Light"
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Ingole
Joined: 11 Apr 2004
Reviews: 36
Location: Washington State, USA
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Mon Apr 26, 2004 2:20 am
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| Superb! Has a Tolkienesque texture and sense of epic to it. It's the kind of creation that puts very distinct pictures in my head. The prequel that begs for a sequel...and a another sequel...and... Superb. |
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Andreth
Joined: 25 Oct 2003
Reviews: 107
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Tue Apr 27, 2004 2:12 am
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| This is a wonderful start. I wasn't sure what to expect with all original characters in it, but I loved it! I'm very much looking forward to your next chapter. |
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Rous
Joined: 20 Mar 2004
Reviews: 503
Location: Trying to stay below the radar
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Wed Jun 30, 2004 8:56 am
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Now I understand more of the Elves you have created. However, I hope more details into what created them in the beginning are forthcoming. What did they do in the past that separated them from the other Elves? That would also make a great story, I would wager. Well written, with only a few punctuation errors. (Did you really think I could let them go and not say SOMETHING?) LOL But I will give you this :
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_________________
Last edited by Rous on Wed Jun 30, 2004 1:57 pm |
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KhazarKhum
Joined: 02 Sep 2003
Reviews: 135
Location: Quartz Hill, CA--USA
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Sat Dec 04, 2004 9:26 pm
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It's an interesting start to a story. What will this little conflict due to the morale of the Elven armies? Will a dispute over a girl cheer Sauron?
Rous has mentioned the punctuation slips. Not too many of those. You might want to consider some wider spaces between scenes. As it is, it is an extremely fast read, almost too fast for its own good. Your characters must be more fleshed out; I had quite a bit of trouble visualizing them and differentiating between the Elves at the wedding.
Now some things which you will have to answer:
Why is she on the battlefield, so close to Barad-Dur? How long has she been there? The full 10 years??? Elevs are usually hesitant about starting families in time of war; was that why she was betrothed but not married? |
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Havetoist
Joined: 14 Apr 2004
Reviews: 29
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Fri Jan 21, 2005 1:41 pm
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KhazarKhum said
> It's an interesting start to a story. What will this little conflict due to the morale of the Elven armies? Will a dispute over a girl cheer Sauron?
>
> Rous has mentioned the punctuation slips. Not too many of those. You might want to consider some wider spaces between scenes. As it is, it is an extremely fast read, almost too fast for its own good. Your characters must be more fleshed out; I had quite a bit of trouble visualizing them and differentiating between the Elves at the wedding.
>
> Now some things which you will have to answer:
>
> Why is she on the battlefield, so close to Barad-Dur? How long has she been there? The full 10 years??? Elevs are usually hesitant about starting families in time of war; was that why she was betrothed but not married?
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>
All very valid questions that aren't meant to be answered per se. It's a set up story for my other fics. The confusion of the 'wedding' is intentional.....happy to see it actually was effective!
K |
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marcia
Joined: 10 Jun 2004
Reviews: 53
Location: California
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Wed May 04, 2005 8:01 pm
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What confusion at the wedding?!
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