Syah's Tears

They were lost.

Or, as she liked to put it, misplaced. Misplaced in the bowels of darkness with lord knew what. But she had faith that Gandalf would remember the way. After all, he was Gandalf, a great wizard. He just needed a moment to jog his aged memory.

She was standing beside Legolas, leaning against a rock. It was an amazing mine. She never knew such a feat was possible. The dwarves were truly a gifted race. She would have to ask Gimli to tell her more about his people. Legolas and Gimli seemed to have a back and forth bantering going on. She knew through Aragorn that elves and dwarves did not go near each other. They normally did not get along. She wondered why this was. She would have to ask both Gimli and Legolas to explain this to her.

“Huh! I remember.”

Syah almost fell forward from the sudden announcement. Legolas caught her just in time. She smiled at him as they began to walk down the stone stairs. They were down very deep. Not as deep as the mine went, this she knew from when she looked down at the Mithril, but still deep. She had been in caves, she loved caving, but this was different. She felt like she was in a different world. Though, her gut was telling her they were in danger. That something was in this mine. Something dark and ancient. Thus, she stayed close to Legolas and Boromir.

When they entered a great room, and Gandalf announced where they were, Syah found herself again in awe. People built this room, she thought to herself. What great hands had forged this place? But her thoughts were interrupted by Gandalf.

“Gimli!”

The gut feeling that had been gnawing at her grew. Her stomach turned at the sight of Gimli on his knees before a stone coffin. These people were part of his family. And they were all dead. She and Boromir placed a hand on each of his shoulders as Gandalf read from a book.

“...Drums, drums in the deep. We cannot get out. We cannot get out...”

A crash startled her away from Gimli’s side. “Oh...Pippin.”

“Fool of a Took!” Gandalf said.

Syah felt sorry for the poor hobbit. He was always out of place. But she did not have time to ponder this. Low, at first, but growing louder was the sound of drums. As the men tried to block the door, Syah drew her sword. The sword of the King of Mirkwood. She stood in front of the hobbits with Gandalf.

“Stay next to Gandalf,” Aragorn told the hobbits. “Syah, try to next to the little ones.”

Syah nodded. Though she knew it would not be that easy. Soon there were goblins rushing through the door and she was fighting them off the best she could. She was separated from the hobbits before long but she knew whereabouts in the room they had scattered. She saw that there was a goblin ready to strike at Boromir and she ran to him.

“Boromir!” she shouted and beheaded the goblin. She didn’t know where this fight was coming from inside of her but she felt it deep. Very deep.

Boromir caught her eyes for a quick moment. “You are not alone, my lady. Never again.”

The fighting continued until she felt the ground shake. What the hell?

“Troll!” she heard Gandalf shout.

And there before her was a very large...troll. “Holy Hell...”

It was chaos for many minutes. Syah managed to make a deep cut in the trolls leg with her sword, then she was swatted against the wall.

“Syah! Are you all right?”

“I’m fine, Gandalf,” she said as he helped her up.

The troll finally fell from an arrow of Legolas’. Something was wrong, she felt it. Someone was hurt...Frodo!

She turned with the others to where Frodo lay. She was very relieved when he moved. “I’m not hurt.”

Then he revealed the Mithril shirt that Bilbo had given to him. She didn’t have time to thank the stars because they were again running through the great room. What was making those noises? They all stopped as hundreds of goblins surrounded them. Sword still drawn, Syah found herself in the middle of a circle of the Fellowship with Frodo. But then a loud...booming sound came. The goblins scattered rapidly back from whence they came.

“What new devilry is this?” Boromir asked.

“A Balrog of ancient time.”

“So that is what I felt...” Syah whispered but not low enough for Legolas not to hear. He looked at her for a brief moment.

“This foe is beyond any of you. Run!”

Syah looked behind her to see a huge fireball of a beast lurking behind them. “Fuck me!” she screamed in the language of her time. She could not run fast enough! She followed Aragorn down steep winding steps towards a bridge. Aragorn grabbed her just in time for the stairs to split in half.

The staircase began to sway. “Lean forward!”

Aragorn did not let her go until she was safely in the arms of Boromir and they were again running. Across the bridge they flew but they were missing somebody...

Syah felt the breath of death on her skin the moment she saw Gandalf facing that beast. Her heart stopped for what seemed like hours. Just as Gandalf turned back to them, the fiery whip grabbed his ankle and dragged him to the edge. “Fly you fools!”

And he was gone.

“Gandalf!” Frodo screamed, and she felt the hobbits pain like a knife in her heart. He would be wounded greatly by this loss...

Gimli grabbed her arm and she ran out of the mine with the others.

She stopped by Aragorn, who stopped to look back at the others. She knew what he would say and she agreed with him wholeheartedly. Though she strangely did not feel Gandalf’s death, now was not the time to grieve or ponder.

They had to run....

**************************

They slowed to a walk and Syah was thankful. She was feeling their pain and it was stealing her breath away. Thoughts ran through her mind now. Why didn’t she feel the loss of Gandalf? Why did he not feel dead to her? What was happening to her?

She felt the familiar touch of the elf’s hand on her shoulder. She turned to him, her eyes carefully guarding her thoughts and feelings. “Do not hide from me.”

Legolas saw the walls going back up as the words left his mouth. What was he going to do? She was an empath, she was feeling their feelings? His fear grew at the shadows in her eyes.

“Now is not the time, Legolas.”
He nodded, and they again began to run, no jog, into the woods. A feeling of such...familiarity came over her. This place felt very, very familiar to her.

Welcome home, child of Lorien.

The words were inside of her head and she saw a flash of blue eyes. She was startled but not to the point of jumping into the air in surprise. Moments later, they were surrounded by arrows.

She hadn’t felt that coming!

Her hands were in the air when she heard someone say, “The dwarf breathes so loud we could shot him in the dark.”

This almost made her laugh. But it died when she saw who spoke those words. Several eyes were upon her at that moment. Syah turned her head to see that all of the elves surrounding them were staring at her. They must be feeling the forest in me, she thought.

She was beginning to feel naked underneath all of those eyes. It took her a minute to realize that Aragorn, Boromir and Legolas had formed a half circle around her. “I am beginning to feel naked underneath your gazes.”

It came out soft, but clear.

“I am sorry, my lady.”

She locked eyes with, what seemed to be to her, the leader of these guardian elves. “We were caught off guard by you. The lady wishes to see you now. Rumil will bring you to her.”

A blond elf walked up to the half circle. He looked past the three men to meet her eyes. There was something in those dark blue eyes that frightened her. Those eyes...they were so much like that of her mother’s. She didn’t realize she was staring so hard at them.

He recognized her somehow also, she could feel this, and he was confused as well. “i eneth nín, Rumil. Aphado nin, hiril nin.”

But the wall of men in front of her would not move. She felt their tension and concern. That they did not want her out of their sight, even here. Even here? What was going on?

“Please let me pass,” she said to them.

“She will come to no harm here,” she heard the leader, or Captain, say. “You know this.”

“One of us should be with her,” Boromir said.

Syah sighed. “Let me pass, gentlemen. I will be all right.”

It took them a few moments but they moved out of her way. She followed Rumil away from her friends.

“We will not be far behind you, my lady!”

Syah turned back and smiled at them. All of the men, including the dwarf and hobbits, had spoken in unison.

Her heart sang.

*******************

As Rumil walked beside her, Syah could feel his confusion. He reminded her of someone, and something about him pulled at her insides as well. These woods were familiar also. But why? And why had the voice in her mind said ‘Welcome home’? Why did Gandalf not feel dead? Was she that detached?

A warning sounded in her mind and shook her out of her daze. A tree again. No wonder Aras called her Mist Laes, it meant Wandering Baby.

She found Rumil staring at her wide eyed. She managed a small smile and said, “This happens sometimes. I do it often. Often enough for Aras, of Mirkwood, to call me Mist Laes.”

The elf actually smiled at her. “I see. Let us not keep the Lady waiting.”

She had no doubt that Rumil was talking about Lady Galadriel. Was that who she heard in her mind?

When they came upon the home of the Lady Galadriel, Syah almost fell over from shock. It was amazing. Everything about this time was amazing. But this...this was amazing.

Rumil led her into the heart of this new place, and to a fountain. He asked her to wait there. She felt his need to ask her something but he did not. He bid her farewell and left her there alone.

Alone. Why did this...loneliness always come to her? She wanted back with her friends. To hear Gimli and the hobbits laugh. To see Aragorn and Boromir. To...feel Legolas beside her. Oh no! Her walls were coming down just thinking about them! She had to stop doing this. She didn’t know why Gandalf didn’t feel dead to her but it was not because she did not let him into her soul. Something was happening to her! Something in her blood wanted out and it frightened her more than anything now that she was in this place. What was wrong with her?!

“Nothing is wrong with you, child of Lorien.”

Syah jumped against the fountain at the sound of the melody-like voice. She turned to see a woman, dressed in white with long blonde hair and blue eyes. Blue eyes...she almost glowed!

“I am Galadriel, Lady of these woods. I do not know your true name.”

Syah watched as Galadriel stopped walking, standing but a few feet from her. “I am Syah Beltain.”

“Syah...” the Lady smiled knowingly. “You have much on your mind. It is chaotic, to say the least.”

Syah nodded. She did not speak as she stared at the beauty in front of her.

“Do you wish to bathe first? Or would you like a taste of what I have to share with you?”

Syah thought on this for a moment. She did smell of the wild, and of the blood of goblins but... “This place feels very familiar to me.”

“As it should. I cannot tell how or why, but you are a child of these woods. I have seen it. But I will need to see into your mind before I can be sure.”

“Do you know how I came to be here, in this time, my lady?”

Galadriel nodded. “The forest called to you but someone sent you to us, to aide the Fellowship in their quest.”

“Someone?”

“Yes. I will need to see into your mind for this as well, to get a name and face, but someone indeed sent you to us.”

Syah took this in. “Letting you into my mind would...feel like a betrayal to my friends.”

Galadriel smiled sadly at the girl in front of her. Syah was indeed a child of Lorien, she felt this very strongly. But the walls the girl had built were strong as well. Much pain had to be felt before those walls could be built, and Galadriel knew that Syah felt she was better off truly alone rather then feel that kind of pain again. She felt it would destroy her. Kill her. No, worse, that it would utterly defeat her. But there was something in the girl that shook even her, the Lady Galadriel. Syah had many things running in her veins. The spirit of the forest, which was lain by the soul of an Ent Wife. The soul of a warrior, that was lain by a King of men. There was elf blood in her as well. And there was something else. Something she couldn’t quite place. Something that ran very deep, and very ancient. Before her time.

“My Lady...?”

Galadriel came back to face Syah. “You fear letting them into your soul. But they know you Syah. They know that you fear that you will be broken by the loss of one of them if you let them in. But you will not, they know this as well. Pain and loss are a part of life, my dear. You feel things strongly, because you are an empath. Many things touch you deeper than even an elf could imagine. Because of this you are afraid to let them past your heart and allow into your soul.”

Syah nodded, close to tears. “Many things are happening to me that I do not understand. My walls are weak around the Fellowship, especially Legolas. They are going to break them down and I am very frightened of this. I, unlike you and them, do not think I could handle that loss.”

Galadriel took her hand, placing her other one on Syah’s cheek. “You are stronger than you know, Syah Beltain. But you are tired now, and have many things running through you mind. You need rest. I will have one of my elleths take you to your own talon. There, you can bathe in peace and get much needed rest. We will speak of this later, when you are rested.”

Syah bit back her tears. “Thank you, my Lady. Thank you.”