As Far As The Heart Can See

Chapter 11
“Changes”

“Ósle,” Asthryd called out but the young healer did not hear, ran down the steps and out of sight.
The older woman stood lost in the doorway of her room and heaved a sigh. Tears were visible on her face. The poor child. So much had changed for her in only a matter of minutes.
Asthryd had been at a loss for words when Beda had informed her of what had transpired, yet had patiently waited with him in front of the King’s study.
When Ósle had joined them about an hour later – completely exhausted and teary – they had taken her back to the Inn and at once up to their room. But she had not wanted to rest. She had wanted them to tell her everything they knew.
“She will come to terms with it in time, dearest,” Beda said quietly behind her and placed a hand on his wife’s shoulder.
“I know,” Asthryd whispered in reply. “It is just that I wish we could do more for her.”
The confusion Ósle had to go through pained the old woman.
“We already did what we could,” Beda gave back. “I told her what I know and could guess. – Now we simply have to wait and be there for her whenever she needs us.”
Asthryd nodded and took hold of her husband’s hand on her shoulder. More tears leaked out of her weary, sad eyes increasing the lines and crow’s feet around them.
“I am scared,” she eventually breathed and turned toward her husband. “Beda – I already lost Alden. I will not manage to loose Ósle, too.”
He drew her close and held her tightly to his chest.
“I know, dearest. I too love her as I would my own daughter. – And yet, Ósle needs to find her own path and we must be strong to not stand in her way.”
Asthryd groaned and sobs shook her body. Beda immediately pulled her closer.
“It’s hard, I know,” he said quietly. “But it must be done.”
-----

The Inn was not at all quiet despite the late hour. Many still celebrated the new King and the betrothal of the Lady Éowyn.
Yet Ósle did not heed the noise, talk and laughter as she ran across the hallway and out into the night, her vision blinded by tears.
“Old fool,” she sobbed quietly as she slowed her pace and wiped a hand across her face.
He had known. Halian had known all along who she really was.
Why – just why had he never said anything? Didn’t she have a right to know? She could have found her true roots much sooner.
On the other hand – who would have believed him? She certainly wouldn’t have.
Several late night revellers passed her, all of them rather drunk but Ósle paid them no mind. She simply kept on walking, not really focusing on her way.
Why wasn’t Halian here to help her get through this, to help her understand? It was too much to deal with alone. And never before had she felt so abandoned, so very alone as right now. Not even in the wee hours of morning as Halian had sent her from his side to flee to Helm’s Deep.
More tears came and unable and unwilling to fight, Ósle simply let them fall. Helm’s Deep! Right now, it felt like a lifetime ago.
Abruptly she stopped in her tracks and lifted her face to the black night sky, an angry look on her face.
“You…you left me,” she called out. “Why did you leave me alone? Why did you never say anything? Do you see what I have to go through? Is this how you wanted me to find out?”
Fresh tears fell from her eyes, her voice becoming more hoarse as she spoke.
“I need you, Halian,” she sobbed, wrapping her arms about herself and sank to the ground.
“I need you so much. – Halian, why aren’t you here?”
Her lithe frame shaken by sobs she buried her face in her hands, crying bitterly.
-----

Warm sunlight tickled her face. Òsle sighed and snuggled more deeply into the covers of the very comfortable bed, her lips curving into a smile.
She could not remember ever sleeping in such a soft bed. It felt so nice.
Yet, as the thought sunk in completely, she abruptly sat up, at once wide awake. This was not the room in the Inn she had shared with Asthryd the previous nights.
The bed itself was almost as large as that tiny room. Right across from her she saw a fireplace with a huge fur rug in front of it. The windows to her left were hung with dark red curtains.
Next to the fireplace she spotted a door and beside that door stood a wooden dressing table over which hung a beautifully crafted mirror.
Where was she? And – more importantly – how had she come here?
As if on cue, the door opened and Éowyn entered carrying a tray. A delicious smell filled the air and Ósle felt her mouth water.
“Ah, you are awake,” the white lady said and smiled. “Would you like some breakfast?”
Unable to speak she just nodded. Éowyn sat down on the bed and placed the tray next to Ósle and poured her a cup of tea. The young healer took the cup with slightly shaking hands and tasted the hot brew.
“Why…where am I, my lady?” she asked, uncertainty audible in her still rather sleepy voice. Éowyn smiled and shifted her position.
“You are in the bedchamber of the Queen. And please, call me Éowyn.”
Blushing, Ósle nodded, set the cup back onto the tray and picked up a piece of dark bread.
“And…why…I mean how did I come here? I only remember running from the Inn.”
Once again the lady smiled, one could almost call it a grin.
“My brother found you in the stable last night fast asleep and brought you here. You were exhausted.”
Ósle could only nod and felt the blush on her cheeks deepen. To occupy herself, she took a big bite of the bread chewing deliberately slow.
“I am sorry,” Éowyn laughed. “I did not mean to embarrass you. – I have already brought several dresses for you to wear and you will be staying here from today on.”
Ósle’s eyes widened and she almost choked on the bread she was still chewing. The King’s sister put a hand on her shoulder, smiling.
“I know how you must feel, Lothíriel. I know you must be confused. Just…take each day as it comes. And…you can always call on me to help you as best as I can.”
Their eyes met and Ósle smiled gratefully at the other woman which she returned. Squeezing the healer’s hand, Éowyn stood.
“I will leave you to finish your meal and I’ll have a maid attend to you. Would you like a bath?”
----

Two days later

She walked in between the rosebushes and flowerbeds, rather lost in thought. Her confusion had lessened during the passed days. She had spent some time with her brothers and her father but she could not yet bring herself to call him that. He still was a stranger and in her mind remained ‘my lord’.
The conversation she had had with Asthryd, Beda and Ceredig last night was still in her mind. They had been very supportive, telling her that nothing would change between them. But deep inside Ósle knew that it would. And although Beda had explained Halian’s reasons – as best as he could guess them – she still felt very angry at the old man.
Ósle sighed and trailed a hand through a soft-leaved, green bush.
Still it felt strange to suddenly sit at the head table for meals and to have a room in the Golden Hall.
It had been Éomer who had found her on the night she had fled the Inn. Ósle had no memory of how she had ended up in the stable and had chosen to not dwell on it.
There was already enough on her mind.
The only thing that hadn’t yet changed, were the strange looks she received. Only the reason for them might be a different one.
She sighed once more and sank down onto a stone bench near several rosebushes. They were still in bloom. With a small smile, Ósle ran a hand over the soft linen fabric of her dress.
Éowyn had given it to her along with several others. During the passed days Éowyn had spend a lot of time with her for which Ósle was very grateful.
“Lothíriel?”
The male voice calling her name brought her out of her thoughts. Turning, she found Amrothos striding toward her. She had found him the easiest to approach and talk to.
“Good day, Amrothos,” she greeted with a smile which he returned and joined her on the bench.
“You look lovely today, sister,” he said deliberately making her blush and Ósle playfully hit his arm.
“Oh, go away if you’ve just come to embarrass me.”
He laughed.
“Oh, but you are so pretty when you blush, little one,” he declared and they fell into a companionable silence. Her gaze swept across the garden and on toward the mountains which seemed very near. She longed to be a bird, to be able to fly away from all the confusion and change. Sighing, her thoughts drifted to the evening she had learned who she really was and her hand went up to her necklace.
“Amrothos, what I’ve wanted to ask…the necklace here? Erchirion seemed to know it. - Was…was it mothers?”
Their eyes locked as he nodded.
“It was. And her mother’s before that. Father once told me that it had been as such for a long time – this necklace being given to the daughter, normally on her wedding day.”
Ósle nodded, feeling the tears prickle in her eyes. Another thing she would never have: a mother helping her to prepare for her wedding.
But at least she had the beautiful necklace and swan-shaped pendant to remember her by.
She felt a hand on her own and looked up to meet Amrothos eyes.
“Do not cry, Lothíriel. I know this must be a lot for you to take in. But rest assured that we are all there for you. Always.”
She smiled and for the first time felt the urge to hug her new brother which she at once did.

TBC