Syah's Tears

Syah was enjoying her bath immensely. Corah, the elleth that Galadriel had sent her with, helped her wash her hair before leaving her alone. She left Syah a sleeping gown, it was thin and light and looked very comfortable. So did the bed. All thoughts had fled her mind when her body hit the hot water but now that she was alone they came flooding back. Galadriel was right. She had strength, but a lot of fear. Could she handle letting them into her soul? Would that be so bad?

And what of Gandalf? The others mourned him, she could feel them now. But to her, he was not dead and gone. Why was this? Could he have survived the fall with the Balrog? She did not think so yet she could feel him like he was alive. Like he was still breathing life.

Something came over her then. Sadness. Boromir’s sadness. He was thinking of his home, his family. He was feeling guilt and pain. Should she go to him, or let him be alone for now? Sometimes loneliness did help, she knew this well. Her heart broke for him but she decided to let him be for now.

She felt Legolas mourning for Gandalf. And his worry for her. He wanted to see her but she felt him hesitate. Maybe Galadriel told him to let her rest. As she should be doing now. She stepped out of the water reluctantly and dried off. She put on the gown and climbed into the bed. For now, she just wanted to sleep.

********************

When she woke, Corah was in her talon. “Good morning, Lady Syah.”

Syah smiled at her. “Good morning, Corah. How are you?”

“I am well, thank you,” the elf smiled. “And you?”

“I am doing okay so far.”

Corah waited for her to sit up in bed before placing some food in front of her. “Eat, then you can dress.”

“Something clean I hope.”

Corah laughed. “Yes, my lady. Lord Legolas told me to find you a dress to wear. Something light and comfortable. I have brought you this.”

Syah liked the dress. It was like Galadriel’s except it was light blue instead of white. “It’s beautiful. Thank you, Corah.”

“It was nothing, my lady.”

“Could you please call me Syah, Corah. It would make me more comfortable than Lady Syah.”

Corah smiled and nodded. “Of course, Syah. I will do that. You better hurry up and eat and dress. There are some men who are waiting impatiently to see you.”

Syah laughed at the image that came to her. She wished to see them as well. She hurried through her breakfast and got dressed quickly. Corah insisted that she keep her hair down with this dress. The elf took a wisp of hair from her behind her ears and pinned it back with an elegant clip.

“Now, you are truly a lady, Syah.”

Syah smiled as Corah led her to her friends. Before she left she told Syah, “If you have need of me, just ask.“

“Thank you again, Corah.”

The hobbits ran up to her and hugged her all at once. Boromir and Aragorn embraced her as well. When she reached Legolas she embraced him first, her arms wrapping around him tightly. His held her just as tightly in return. She felt his relief at this embrace. She also noted the look of...passion, in his eyes as she was approaching them.

She smiled when she pulled away from him. “Are you all well? I have felt your loss all night.”

Aragorn answered. “We are well, Syah. We were more concerned for you. Are you well?”

Syah nodded slowly. How could she tell them that she didn’t feel Gandalf was dead? “I am well, my friends. Actually, I think I am expected by Lady Galadriel this morning. I think I will go look for her. On my own.”

“Take care you don’t walk into any trees, Mist Laes,” Legolas smiled.

Syah turned back and said, “That name is for Aras only. Think of your own!”

They smiled as they watched her walk away. Boromir sighed. “I wish she would let us in. I wish we could heal her.”

Aragorn nodded. “I wish that too. But I think we are helping her. We seem to have a permanent place in her heart. That is a start. It will take time for her to let us in deeper.”

“She is fighting herself,” Sam suddenly said. “Her soul wants us in, but she is fighting that feeling like she fought the goblins. Just be patient with her, she’ll come around.”

They all looked at the hobbit in surprise. Frodo said, “You always had a good way with words, Sam.”

“No, I have a good way with plants and flowers. She just needs a little more care to grow...and water.”

At that, the three men and three others hobbits shared a much needed laugh.

********************

Syah was admiring the beautiful woods when she caught sight of Rumil. He was talking to another elf who looked much like him. She leaned against a tree and watched him quietly. He felt so familiar to her, as if she knew him. Not like Legolas, but something even deeper than that. His hair was like that of her mother’s, straight and golden blonde with natural strands that were sun-kissed. And his eyes, dark blue and full of knowledge beyond his years. They too were like her mother’s. She saw her mother then, standing beside the Rumil, smiling at her knowingly. But it was fleeting and didn’t last but a moment, though it still shook her slightly.

“You are watching him quite intensely, Lady Syah.”

She turned to see the ‘captain elf’ standing beside her. She did not even hear him approach. He too felt familiar to her, though she hid this from him. “You know my name?”

He nodded. “We were told about you by Lady Galadriel. I am Haldir, March Warden of Lorien.”

She smiled at him. “I am just Syah, Haldir.”

He smiled back but he looked slightly shaken.

“Are you well?”

“Yes,” he said. “You just...remind me of someone who used to dwell here.”

Syah nodded.

Haldir stared at her for a moment. She looked so much like the Lady Sierra it was unsettling. Her walls were clear for all to see, as was the reason they were there. Her eyes...they were so much like his brother’s true love... “My brother, Rumil?”

Syah gave him a look that made him laugh. “He is your brother?”

“Yes, Syah, he is.”

“Well, that would explain that.”

“What?”

“He seems so familiar to me. Like I know him. You feel the same, as does the elf Rumil is talking too.”

“That is our youngest brother, Orophin.”

They were brothers, and they all felt familiar to her. What was that about? “He looks at me like he knows me.”

“That...is a long story, Syah. Is there somewhere you were going?”

Syah nodded. “To see Galadriel. Will you take me to her?”

He took her arm in his and said, “It would be a pleasure.”

******************

They were at the fountain again. Syah and Galadriel thanked Haldir before he took his leave. “He feels familiar to you?”

“As does Rumil and Orophin...and this place.”

Galadriel gave her a small smile. “I imagine they look at you the same way.”

“Yes.”

“It is because you remind them of someone that was close to their hearts, all of our hearts.”

“Haldir told me the same thing. Well, he basically told me the same thing.”

Galadriel nodded. “You came to see me, my child.”

Syah took a deep breath. “I want to know what is in my blood.”

Galadriel smiled to herself. “I will have to see into your mind for this. You will have to open to me.”


“I understand.”

Galadriel sat down beside her on a bench near the fountain. She looked into Syah’s eyes and took both of her hands in hers. “I will most likely feel what you feel as well, because you are an empath. This is what was meant to be, do not be afraid to let my see...”

It only took a fraction of a second for Syah’s mind to burst open once she took down the block she had up in her mind. Memories flooded her and the tears flowed freely. She saw her grandmother, first teaching her to make cookies when she was four, then in a hospital taking her last breath. And even though she was only six when they died, she saw her mother, beautiful and sweet and funny. Her father, strong and brave and determined she know that he loved her. Both so full of life. She remembered them showing her how to ride a pony, how to fly a kite. Playing games with her and showing her the marvels of the forests. Her mother singing her to sleep. Her father telling her stories. The way they smelled. Their eyes, their faces, their laugh, their tears, their strength, the feel of their arms.

Then she remembered the accident. She was sitting in her aunt’s lap at a small outdoor cafe in town. She saw the truck hit her parents car. Her mother flew out of the windshield, from the impact she was later told. The car caught on fire and she could hear her father screaming and screaming. Then, he stopped. She never saw him again. And she remembered her mother’s last words as she lay dying in the hospital...

“...You are my sunshine, my only sunshine...be brave for me, little one. Be brave and live life as your father and I taught you too....”

She remembered the pain she felt, so deep and cutting. She never thought she’d heal from it. Then memories of the happy times with her aunt and Bane came flooding back. They taught her so much about life and the forest. She remembered her conversation with her aunt that night on the porch of Bane’s cabin, the one about her talking to the trees. Her aunt telling her stories of the Beltain family and their link with the forest and the wild. Then her aunt died, and she felt that just as deep if not deeper than her parents death. Memories of Bane teaching her about the survival camp. Then he died. And she felt that just as hard as the others. She remembered his funeral and the days after, she was numb. So numb that she had blocked everything out, until one day when she was sitting on the porch of the cabin. She looked up at the moon, she heard the trees talking to her. And it all came flooding in.

There was too much pain! So much pain! She couldn’t breath! She collapsed on the porch and cried so hard she passed out, then cried more when she woke a few hours later. She cried for days. She grieved for days. She cried until there were no more tears. Her soul had been ripped out of her body and she went numb again. She was numb for weeks. Then she took over the survival camp, she threw herself into her work and into taking care of the horses. She was like that for almost a year. Then she came to the conclusion that they did not wish for her to live like that, so she slowed down. She relaxed and took long walks, letting the forest and trees calm her. She learned to enjoy the wild again, nature again, like she had been taught growing up.

Her memories then came to the night on the porch when she let her tears fall down her face, silent and freely. And she woke up in Mirkwood...

When Syah broke her contact with Galadriel, the Lady was crying. She took Syah into her arms suddenly, holding her tight. “Oh, child...”

A few minutes later, Lady Galadriel was herself again. She stood and walked to the fountain. “I see now why you fear to let them into you soul. But from your memories I can see that you realized that your loved ones did not wish for you to live in such a way. Mayhap, you should think on that.”

Syah nodded. She was tired. Tired from reliving the pain. But she needed to know who she was...

“Your gifts run on your mother’s side of the family?”

“Yes,” Syah said, standing up as well. “My mother, aunt and grandmother all were like me, except they did not talk to trees or feel things as strongly as I. We can trace it back to my great, great, great, great grandmother.”

Galadriel smiled. “Your mother, she looked a lot like Rumil. I believe I know why but I do not wish to guess at such things. I do not want to tell you lies. You have elf blood in you. An elf from this wood. I believe it is from Rumil. It is a long story and I believe you will have the truth of it during your quest, therefore I will not dwell on it. You also have the soul of a warrior in you, from a King of Men. You have the spirit of the forest in you, which comes from the soul of an Ent Wife. Though, I do not know how that became a part of you or your family line. Mayhap it is due to your...very great grandmother.”

Syah smiled at Galadriel. Very great grandmother...

“I also believe that you have something else in your blood. Something I cannot name, something I cannot see. It is very strong, very strong. And very ancient. But as I said, I do not know what it is.”

Syah took all of this in. She was 25 years old, and it had been a little over a year since Bane’s death. Yet, she took this information in stride. Mostly because she knew not what to do with it.

“You will sort it out, I assure you,” the Lady smiled. “It will take time, Syah, but it will come.”
Syah nodded. “I understand that. Will you tell anyone else of this day?”

Galadriel understood her question. “I will need to tell Legolas, and Aragorn. Boromir as well. They should know. Do you wish to be here when I do?”

Syah shook her head. “No. I do not wish to see...I do not wish to see their faces or feel what they feel on this. It will be...too much right now.”

“I understand. Now,” she said. “I know you have been through a lot with me this morning. Would like to take a tour of our fair woods?”

“Yes, I would. Though, someone will need to speak to me because my mind wanders...”

Galadriel laughed. “Rumil told me of the other day. And I saw some of your journey with the elves from Mirkwood. I know of Aras’ name for you.”

Syah blushed. “That elf...”

“Come Syah, my husband Celeborn and I will take you for a tour.”

“That sounds great!”

**********************

It was dinner time before Syah was reunited with the Fellowship. She was still tired but refreshed from her walk with the Lord and Lady. They were sitting at a table when Corah and she arrived.

“How was your time with Galadriel?” Legolas asked, searching her eyes. He saw the thoughts running through her mind.

“It was good,” Syah answered as Corah put a plate in front of her. “I...I learned a lot about myself. The Lady is going to speak to you of it before we leave here.”

“Not you?” Boromir asked.

“No. It was too hard the first time,” she said.

Aragorn asked, “All this time was being spent talking of your past?”

She shook her head. “No. The Lord and Lady took me on a tour of Lothlorien. It is amazing here. Though, to tell the truth, I...much prefer Mirkwood.”

Legolas did not hide his pleasure at her words. “And why is that?”
“This place feels familiar. Like a part of me knows it, knows it like I was born here. Mirkwood, with the exception of the spiders,” she paused with a look of displeasure, “feels more like where I grew up. The trees feel like the ones at home.”

Legolas nodded and laughed. “She should know. She walked into plenty of them!”

“Yes,” Boromir laughed. “And a few on the way here!”

“Shut up!”

Everyone at the table laughed, even Corah. When dinner was finished, everyone but Legolas said their goodnights, they were off for a walk. The prince, however, was walking her back to her talon.

“I see much heartache in you this eve,” he said as they walked. “Are you sure you are well?”

“Legolas, I assure you I am well. It has been a long day, though, and I am tired. Lady Galadriel will speak to you of our talk.”

“I am just worried...”

Syah stopped at the stairs to her talon and turned to him, putting a finger to his lips. “Legolas, I am not going to kick you all out of my heart. I just need time to think things through. I have much to digest this night.”

He nodded, staring into her green eyes. She was fighting herself, as Sam had said and as he already knew. He had been with her since the beginning. He just couldn’t stop staring at her. She was so beautiful, so...his. He body and soul stirred for her, burned for her. She looked so much like the beautiful maiden that she was in that dress. A breeze came by and blew her hair into eyes. He removed it gently and let her see a fraction of what he was feeling for her.

Syah couldn’t breathe. His eyes were full of love, part of the love he felt for her. She could feel it in her blood, it touched something inside of her to actually see some of what he was feeling. What should she do?!

Before she knew it, his lips were on hers. It was a gentle kiss, one meant not to scare her but to comfort her. His lips were soft on hers and she began to lose herself. He must have felt this, and the fear it brought to her, because he broke the kiss. His hand caressed her cheek, every so lightly.

“I needed to do that.”

Syah nodded, still feeling dazed by the light kiss.
“Are you angry with me?” he asked.

Syah found her voice and said, “No, Legolas, I am not. It’s just...you are getting so close to breaking my walls. So close, deeper than my heart. A part of me burns for you too. But I am not ready for you yet. I do not know if I am strong enough to handle this yet. To handle letting any of you in yet, especially you.”

He looked in her eyes, pleased that she at least could speak the truth to him. “I will give you time. But know that I am here for you. We all are. There is nothing to fear from us.”

Syah nodded, close to tears. “I need some rest, Legolas. It has been a long day, and I have the feeling that the Lady is wanting to speak with you and Aragorn and Boromir.”

Legolas stepped away from her, slowly. “I will see you tomorrow my lady.”

When he was gone, she was still standing at the bottom of her stairs. What had she just let happen? What had she just done? What the hell had she just done?