Syah's Tears

She was being bounced around...and it did not feel good at all. Her head was spinning and everything was cloudy. She opened her eyes slowly and realized she was bouncing on the shoulder of an Uruk Hai. Oh...she thought. What do I do now? Oh Gods! Merry and Pippin! Syah lifted her head slightly and saw Merry on the back of an Uruk Hai, then she saw Pippin on another. They looked unharmed, but she could feel the dried blood on the side of her face. Which one of them hit her? She would be sure to return the favor...

Then she remembered what had happened. “Boromir...” she whispered. He was dead. The familiar feeling of numbness crept up on her slowly. “Don’t think on it, don’t think on it...protect Merry and Pippin, protect Merry and Pippin...”

As hours past they were still running, but Syah felt a familiar presence. Aragorn. Legolas. Gimli. They were still alive! And following them! Her feelings were confirmed when the Uruk Hai’s stopped and she heard one say, “I smell man-flesh!”. It would not be until nightfall that the three were dropped on the ground as the Uruk’s finally decided to stop. Syah closed her eyes and breathed deeply, calming the dizziness that swept her. She then turned her head to her two friends, their hands bound like hers.

“Are you all right?” she asked, whispering.

They nodded. “And you?”

“I am...okay.”

They were close to each other, but more importantly they were close to a forest. And it felt old...very old. She could feel them trying to reach for her mind. After being separated suddenly from the hobbits, she heard the Uruk Hai’s fighting over whether or not they could eat them. She heard the name Saruman as she tried to free herself of the bonds but found she could not. She stopped trying when the Uruk Hai’s started eating one of their own.

“Oh that’s...nasty!”

She didn’t have time to think on it because horses came charging in. She looked at Merry and Pippin and shouted, “Run! Run for the forest! Run! Run!”

She saw them make a run for it but when she tried to, an Uruk Hai grabbed her ankles and yanked on her. She kicked as hard as she could. “Get off!” she said as she kicked him hard in the gut. He stumbled backwards and she took the opportunity to run then. Syah was certain the riders could not see her, she was behind them now as the Uruk Hai had tried to drag her away. She ran into the forest, hoping to find Merry and Pippin. She knew in her gut that she should have alerted the riders to her presence but she could not do it, she could not leave Merry and Pippin in the forest alone.

Syah had ran deep into the forest before the dizziness hit her again. No! She had to get to Merry and Pippin! She had to get...

********************

For the second time since her arrival in this time, Syah woke up in a tree. But this tree was different. It was holding her! She shook her head slightly, as if to clear her daze, and found that her hands were free of the bonds. Oh this forest was ancient! She could feel it in her blood, in her mind.

“Are you well, spirit of the forest?”

Syah jumped at the deep voice. When she realized the tree was talking to her, she calmed back down. “I am all right? Where am I?”

“Fangorn Forest. Deep inside of it you are,” it said. “You have the soul of an Ent Wife in you. This is strange to me. How did it come about?”

Syah relaxed in the trees limbs. “I do not know. It has always been this way in my family.”

“You have a heavy sense of loss on you. I am sorry, youngling.”

Syah felt tears coming but fought against. This was no time for tears!

“You need to rest some more, youngling. You are safe here, with me. Go back to sleep...”

But it was too late, the loss of Boromir hit her head on. She knew the moment she had woken up on the back of the Uruk Hai that he was gone from this world. She had not had enough time with him! The numbness started to spread over her again, shutting off the pain.

“Sleep, youngling. Sleep and dream...“

******************

-Dreaming-

She was in the forest, Fangorn, and she was standing by the edge. There was a vast plain before her but she stayed inside the forest. It was beautiful to say the least.

“Yes, it is.”

The deep voice behind her startled her. She spun around to see Boromir, who walked up to stand beside her. “Boromir...”

His eyes met hers and she quickly hugged him tightly to her. She held him for what seemed like hours, but surely only minutes. When she let him go, he said, “A dream was the only way I could reach out to you.”

“I don’t understand. Why are you here?”

He smiled at her. “You cannot hide from the pain of my loss, Syah. I felt you starting to go numb when you realized I was dead. Do not do that, my lady. Do not hide from the pain. Do not refuse it release.”

Syah took a deep breath. So much had happened so fast she hadn’t even had the chance to think of Boromir’s death. But she had started to go numb, she admitted. And now the feeling was coming back. He was standing before her in a dream but he would never do that in life again.

“Do you think the pain is less because you never let me into your soul?”

She thought on this for a moment. “Yes. But...”

“But what?” he asked when she stopped speaking.

“But...it does not feel the same. The pain does not feel the same, the loss does not feel the same.”

“What do you mean?”

Syah turned to look out into the vastness again. “When I lost Bane a little over a year ago, the pain and loss were unbearable. That is when I decided that I would be better off shutting my soul off to everyone. That to truly be alone was better than feeling the intolerable loss. And I have lived that way ever since. I did not want to feel the pain, the loss, the emptiness. It was too much for me to bear because I feel things too deep. But then I came here, and it started with Legolas, Hathol and Aras. This place, this time, it feels like home. Everything about it feels right, like I belong here.”

“But...?”

“But I fought letting anyone in. I let you all into my heart, where I still have you. I fought so hard to keep up my walls, I still am. Legolas is far to close for my liking, to say the least. Yet, my walls are breaking and I fear that. Everything is too deep, Boromir,” she said, tears starting to fall. “But when I lost you, when I knew that you were truly dead, the numbness came. I fought it so that I would be strong for Merry and Pippin but it was there. It only means one thing...that I let you in too deep.”

He touched her face with his hand, turning her to face him. “But not deep enough
to truly feel my loss. Not deep enough for there to be an emptiness in your soul.”

Syah shook her head. “I am so sorry, Boromir! I feel like I have betrayed you!”

“You have not.”

“But I have!” she cried. “My heart aches from your loss but my soul does not. And that, son of Gondor, is intolerable to me. I should have let you in, I should have let you touch that part of me but I did not. You deserved that from me. You deserved to have a place in my soul. I am so sorry...”

Boromir pulled her to him, holding her. “My lady, you showed me a part of yourself that no one else has yet to see. The night before my death you let me in deeper than your heart and that gave me hope. Hope that you would heal. Hope that one day the smile would return to your face, the true one. That your green eyes would sparkle with the forest and of emeralds. The fact that I, a warrior and kindred spirit, played a part in that is overwhelming. You opened up to me. You allowed yourself to show me part of your soul. Do not run from my loss, feel it. Let your heart break, let your spirit cry. Feel me, my lady. Feel me...”

She collapsed in his arms, the tears flowing as if a weight had been holding them back. And she cried. Her heart cried. Her spirit cried. She felt his loss deep enough that it shook the walls of her soul.

Then, it happened.

Something broke free. Something inside of her sprung open like a gate and she felt Boromir’s soul run through her. It filled her, comforted her, made her feel safe. It let her know that no matter what she would never be alone ever again. Ever...

*******************

Syah woke but did not open her eyes. She felt...whole. As if someone had filled her and not left. Boromir. He had promised her in life that death would not stop him from being at her side. He was what filled her. He was what completed her calmness. She held on to that feeling, not wanting to let go.

When Syah finally did open her eyes it was to see a familiar face leaning over her. “Gandalf?”

He was bright. A shining white that dimmed as she stood. “I was in a tree...”

“Oh, yes,” he smiled. “The Ash let you down because I asked him too. You look different.”

He studied Syah, hard. There was something different about this girl. She seemed...calm. And at peace. “Your soul is healing.”

Syah nodded, not knowing what to say. “How are you here?”

Gandalf explained to her what had happened. “But you knew I wasn’t dead. You felt me once again draw breath.”

“Yes, I did. It is why I never mourned you.”

He nodded at her. “I need you to do something for me, Syah.”

“What is it?” she asked as they began to walk through the forest.

“The tides are about to turn in this war. I need you to ride towards Gondor, but not all the way.”

“What do you mean not all the way?”

“Stay in the forest until the trees tell you to leave. Then I want you to ride towards Gondor. You will come upon mountains, a haunted path. Stop there. It may take days, weeks maybe, but I need you to do this. I fear Aragorn is going to need your strength.”

Syah was so confused she could not speak for minutes. “What? What are you saying you want from me?”

Gandalf smiled at her. “Go there, Syah. You will know when to stop. Boromir will know.”

Syah nodded, still confused. “And I am to wait there?”

“Yes.”

Syah tried to understand fully of what he wanted but found the wizard just as puzzling as ever. “I will do as you ask. But what of food? Water? A weapon? A horse?”

Gandalf laughed. “Do you think I would make you so unprepared? Here is the sword of Legolas’ father. The Uruk Hai’s took it with them after you dropped it, I picked it up from the scene of their deaths. Gather what you need from the forest. Here,” he handed her a small bag, “are some apples and lembas bread. Make it last. You know the forest, Syah. You know what is safe and what is not. Here is a flask for water.”

“And a horse, Gandalf? Is it imaginary?”

Gandalf sighed. “Boromir is inside of you all right. There will be one waiting for you when it is time for you to leave. It will show itself. Have no fear, the horse, as well as Boromir, will guide you.”

********************

Gandalf prayed that he was making the right decision. He had learned of what Syah truly was, who she was. He had a feeling that the path he had just put her on would answer all of her questions. He hoped, anyway. He was pleased to see that she was healing. Legolas and the others would be pleased to hear this. The elf especially.

Speaking of which....

********************

“So you are saying that she is well?”

Gandalf sighed. How many times would he have to say it before the elf believed him? “Yes. I put her on a different course than us, but she will be well. And, so you all know, she is beginning to heal her soul. Thanks, in big part, to Boromir.”

“What?” Gimli asked.

The wizard explained the best he could. His companions seemed very pleased with this new information. Though, the elf grew quiet.

Legolas prayed that Syah would remain safe. He missed her greatly, his being cried for her. But their paths were different right now. He had no doubt that he would see her again, but the separation was difficult. At least she was well and she knew that they were alive as well. He wished to see her so deeply...

“Do not worry, elf,” Gimli said. “The girl is made of tough stock. She’s probably better off then we are!”

Legolas nodded.

“Legolas,” Aragorn said as they reached the end of the forest. “Syah would want us to concentrate on the war. She would want us to fight. She would want us to do...what we set out to do.”

“And we shall not disappoint her!”