Full Circle

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: NO PLACE LIKE HOME



It took Buffy only a few weeks to get back home. Flying was definitely much quicker than walking or even riding on horseback. While she had the ability to teleport herself, she really wanted to experience this metamorphosis thing first hand. How many people can actually say that they have a magical coat that has the ability to turn the wearer into a falcon? That’s right, only one - Buffy.

She circled high above her home before deciding to land in the woods on the outer edge of her yard. She didn’t want to ‘change’ in front of any of the elves. At least, not yet. She perched herself high in a tree about four hundred feet from the back of the brick mansion. The sun was already setting and there were a dozen or so elves congregated on the patio. They were engaged in a mixture of lively conversation and song. It had been such a long time since Buffy heard the sweet voices of the elves or the joyfulness of their laughter.

The realization that she had been gone for four years finally set in. So much had happened to her in that time. And the truth of the matter was she didn’t want to disclose any details of what transpired during that time. Not who she really was, or what she had done, or what she had created. Luthor was right. She had to keep her mouth shut about all of it. There were reasons why the Powers chose to keep her past hidden and Buffy knew that it wasn’t time for her to reveal herself to anyone else. Those who knew her true identity were hidden away in the mystical fortress and there was no way anyone from Beleriand would happen across them. And Durin… well, Buffy was certain that he wouldn’t say anything either.

It was obvious that Melkor was her sole threat right now. If anyone could cause her trouble it was he and he was definitely ready, willing and able. There was no doubt about that. As Buffy looked at her own home she recalled that this was where it all started. This is where Morgoth invaded her dreams only to turn them into reality. The thought of going back there scared her shitless. Although she was stronger than when she left, he was still stronger. And since she actually gave birth physically, she also passed some of her powers to Illyria. That alone made her essence weaker.

But what other choice did she have? The thought of remaining in the fortress with only the dwarves and Luthor as companions wasn’t the most thrilling of prospects. Buffy was a woman after all, and she had needs. Needs that could not be fulfilled by any in that company. She longed for a partner, someone she could share her heart, mind, body and soul with and only one man qualified for that – Mablung. That’s why she was here. The time had now come for her to overcome her fears. She wasn’t about to let Melkor drive her from her own home.

In a flash, Buffy resumed her ‘mortal’ form, still sitting in the top most branches of the beech tree. She carefully climbed down until she was about thirty feet from the ground and then she jumped. Instead of walking towards the house, she actually went deeper into the woods. She really didn’t want to be accosted by the elves on the patio. A quiet entrance was all she desired. As she made her way along the west side of the house, she stopped suddenly, looked at the house intently and then disappeared in a blinding light.

Buffy reappeared in her private chambers on the third floor. More specifically, she was in the chamber with her Mirror. She stood about ten feet from the marble basin contemplating whether she should destroy it or let it be. Melkor was able to see her in Melian’s Mirror so there was no doubt that he could probably see her in this one as well. As she continued mulling things over in her head, she heard a voice from behind, “Bella? Is that you?”

Buffy turned and found Úrion standing in the doorway. “Hey Úrion,” she said.

He came quickly into the room and hugged Buffy tightly. That was definitely something that she wasn’t expecting. She and Úrion were not really that close. “I am so glad you are home,” he said as he took a step back and looked her over. “Mablung has been so worried… we have all been worried.”

“Didn’t the doves deliver my message?” she inquired.

“They did but that was two years ago. Where have you been all this time?”

Buffy waved her hand and the chamber door quietly closed. “I’ve been tending to Slayer business,” she replied. “Is Mablung here?”

“No. He is at Menegroth with Thingol and Melian. He only returned there today as a matter of fact. He has spent the last few years searching for you,” answered Úrion.

“You mean he kept looking for me even after he got my message?” asked an astonished Buffy.

“Indeed. He loves you Bella. The thought that you were out there all alone fighting… Eru knows what… He was quite worried. I am sure he will rejoice now that you have arrived home safe and sound.”

“Will you do me a favor?” asked Buffy. Úrion nodded. “Let Mablung know that I have returned.”

“As you wish,” he said as he walked towards the door.

“Oh, by the way, did you guys ever find Randiel?” inquired Buffy.

“No. Randiel was long gone by the time we reached her lair. We searched many weeks but to no avail.” Buffy nodded her head. Úrion opened the door and turned to Buffy and added, “It’s really good to have you back home and… I like your coat.” He smiled and then left the room, closing the door behind him.

Buffy recalled the heated exchange that she and Mablung had had before he left in search of Randiel, his former lover. It was their only ‘real’ fight in all these years. She had forgotten about it until a few minutes ago. And now hearing that Mablung had been searching for her all this time, she wondered how Mablung would react when he saw her.

Feeling quite anxious, Buffy made her way to her bedroom. She took off her coat and hid it in some quilts at the back of her closet. She had no idea why she did that, but she did it nevertheless. The room was quiet except for the ticking of the clock hanging on the wall. Unable to just sit still, she went to her training room. She wasn’t in the mood to work out even though she was feeling extremely fretful.

She wandered aimlessly around the training room examining various weapons that she had acquired since her arrival in Middle-earth. It was nearly thirty minutes later when she heard the door open. She turned and there in the doorway stood Mablung, his expression seemed grim. He spoke not one word but stared at her keenly. “I guess saying ‘Hi, honey, I’m home’ isn’t really gonna cut it, is it?” she asked in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Mablung entered the room and closed the door behind him. “Is it really you?” he asked as he walked over to her. “I have prayed for your safe return for so long.” He did not embrace her like Úrion did, which threw her off.

“I’m sorry,” she said as she looked deeply into his green eyes. “I was sent on a mission and well… it took me a while to… ” her words broke off. She didn’t know how to finish that sentence. She looked down at the stone floor.

Mablung came closer and lifted her chin. “I understand,” he said. “I only wish that we had not parted with such angry words. I feared the worst. ” He cupped her cheek with his hand. “Oh Bella, I have missed you.”

“I missed you too,” she said as they finally embraced.

“Not one day has passed that I have not thought of you. I feared the worst until your messengers arrived. I only wished that you would have sent word sooner.”

He released her from his embrace and held her hands. “I would have if I could. So much has happened… ”

Mablung looked her over. “You look good. What have you been doing all this time?” Buffy didn’t know how to answer that question. She remained silent. “Are you not at liberty to tell me? Do the Valar require that you not share your tales of adventure with me?”

“I’ve been tending to business in the far east,” she found herself saying. “A new power has arisen there… ”

He smiled, “And I am sure that you defeated that villain.”

“No, not yet,” she answered. Oh, my god, she thought. Why am I lying to him? A voice inside her replied, ‘because he can never know the truth. You have no other choice!’ “But I guess I will at some point in time,” she added. Buffy let go of his hands and wandered over to her punching bag. She was terrified that he would be able to see through her. She wanted to change the topic of conversation quickly. “So, Úrion tells me that you’ve just returned to Doriath. I can’t believe you spent all that time looking for me.” She looked up at Mablung, who was now standing on the other side of the bag. “Why would you do that?”

“Because I love you,” he answered. “This is our home and I did not wish to stay here without you.” He moved closer to her. “Everywhere I look, I see you. It was too painful to stay here… I had to at least make an attempt to find you. Even Thingol was concerned by your disappearance,” he said with a slight grin on his face. “I believe that every elf and dwarf in Beleriand has been keeping an eye out for you. How is it that we have not received any word that you have passed through their lands?”

“I am small,” she suggested. “Maybe I just slipped past them unnoticed.”

Mablung let out a hearty laugh, which made Buffy smile. “I am pleased that you have made it home safely. I daresay that calls for a celebratory feast. What do you think?” he asked as he pulled her into his arms again.

“You know me, I can always eat. I’m sure anything will be better than the stuff I’ve been eating lately… ” Buffy didn’t elaborate on that but she did travel as a falcon and well, falcons eat other animals. And she did have to eat.

“Let me inform the cook. He will be delighted to hear that he is cooking for the mistress of the house again,” said Mablung.

“Sounds good to me,” Buffy stated. Mablung went to give her a kiss but she backed away. “I’m kinda stinky and I’d rather clean up before… ”

“I care not,” he said as he pressed his lips against hers. Buffy could feel those butterflies in her stomach again. It reminded her how much she missed Mablung and their life together.

He soon left the room while Buffy returned to their bedchamber. All she could think about was a hot bath. She went into the bathroom and turned on the water as she washed her teeth. She undressed and examined her naked body in the mirror; she couldn’t help but notice that damn mark that Morgoth put on her. “Shit,” she said aloud. There was no way she could hide something so visible from Mablung, or could she? She blew out half the candles in the bathroom so that the room became rather dim.

When the tub was full, she climbed in and submerged herself under the tepid water. The water was not nearly hot enough so she pursed her lips together and blew. The temperature of the water began to rise and the room was soon filled with a steamy haze. As she began washing her hair, she was still trying to figure out how to get rid of the mark of Morgoth. She tried every type of spell she could think of to remove it, but nothing worked. How is it possible that I can create beings out of thin air but I can’t even get rid of that damn mace thingy? She thought. I’m cursed! That’s what that mark is; Morgoth has cursed me.

Buffy had just finished washing when Mablung returned. Much to her surprise he had undressed and climbed in the tub with her. “What are you doing?” she asked as she pulled her legs to her chest.

“I would think that is quite obvious. You are not the only one in need of a bath.” He submerged himself under the water. “Why the sudden modesty? We have bathed together many times.”

“I know,” she replied. “It’s nothing. It’s just… been a while and you caught me off guard.” Buffy offered to wash Mablung’s hair and he accepted without hesitation. He always liked it when she did; he found it very relaxing. After rinsing his hair, she lathered up one of the sponges and began affectionately washing her lover. Mablung’s porcelain white skin glistened in the dim candlelight as Buffy ran the sponge over his magnificent muscular body. She had missed moments like this when she was away from home. This was one of the simple pleasures in life that she sometimes took for granted. They both suddenly became aware of those overwhelming feelings of desire they had for each other. They kissed passionately and wildly as the water swelled over the side of the tub onto the marble floor. They could no longer contain their longing for one another…

Buffy was amazed to see how many people attended her homecoming feast. Hundreds of people showed up including Thingol’s entire household. Mablung, who wholly understood how to communicate with the doves, used them as a means of sending invites to those who dwelled in Menegroth. Buffy took this as an opportunity to renew old friendships and start new ones, for Galadriel, Finrod’s only sister, was now staying in Menegroth due to her newfound love for Celeborn.
Thingol in no way chastised her for disappearing for “a little while.” Four years was not considered a long period of time to the elves although by Buffy’s standards it was. No one recognized how much she had changed except Melian. She was one perceptive woman. The Queen had no idea about Morgoth, but she did tell Buffy that “a bright light radiates from your spirit that was not there when you departed these lands. You are as a beacon amid the darkness in the world…”

Buffy had played down her words by saying, “It’s just my powers developing, Melian. No Slayer has ever lived to the age of thirty-five before. I guess none of them truly reached their potential… until now. Yay me!”

“If that is the case,” she replied, “then I have underestimated the powers of the Slayer. But my heart tells me otherwise. There is more to you than meets the eye, my dear Bellaseth. I may dwell amongst the elves but I am still a Maia and I can recognize those who are of my kindred.”

“I hate to disappoint you, Melian, but I’m far from one of your kin. You’ve never encountered a Slayer before. You have no idea of what we are or what we’re capable of. Let’s just leave it at that.” Buffy felt slightly uncomfortable under Melian’s scrutinizing eyes. She didn’t want to be short with the Queen, but she surely wasn’t in the mood to discuss anything about Buffy’s ‘radiating light’ or her powers. It was time to look to the future and not focus on the past. Melian would not broach the subject with Buffy again for many, many years.



Buffy quickly fell back into her old routine. Her attempts at hiding Morgoth’s mark lasted three whole weeks. Mablung finally saw it early one morning when Buffy was not yet fully awake. Perhaps sleeping in the nude wasn’t such a good idea if one is trying to conceal an unwanted deformity (that’s what Buffy considered it to be). She told him it was just another one of her typical battle scars albeit an ugly one that she received while following the orders of The Powers. “Let us try some of Nestor’s salve… ”

“I’ve already tried. It doesn’t work,” she commented as Mablung continued to examine it. “Nothing will remove or diminish it. Believe me, I know. I’ve tried everything… ”

“It is a very strange mark. It is unfortunate that you will have to endure the memories of it for a long time to come. How did you come by it exactly? It does not look like it was inflicted by any weapon that I know of,” he questioned as he gently traced it with his fingertip.

“No, it wasn’t your typical weapon,” she said uneasily. “I’d rather not talk about it. It’s too painful.”

“Then we shall save the tale for a later day.” He then pressed his lips against the mark, which caused a searing pain to shoot through Buffy. “What is it?!” exclaimed Mablung as Buffy quickly pushed him away. “What did I do?”

“It’s just a little sensitive,” Buffy replied as she rubbed her hand over the flaming spot. The truth of the matter is that it never hurt before, not one single time, that is, until Mablung’s lips touched it. That kind of freaked the Slayer out, but she had to remain calm, otherwise Mablung would start freaking out too.



Time seemed to be moving swiftly for Buffy and before she knew it, she had celebrated her thirty-seventh birthday. It was hard to believe that she had now lived in Middle-earth for twelve years. And in all that time Buffy’s physical appearance had changed very little. She was maybe a little buffer and her hair was longer then it had been but other than that, she looked just like her twenty-five year old self.

One also must take into account that Buffy spent over eleven of those years in a devoted relationship with Mablung. Even though Morgoth found a way to taint that, Buffy was still deeply in love with that elf and she would do nearly anything to sustain the bond that they had formed so long ago. But sometimes fate has a way of intervening in a relationship thus testing the strength of one’s love. And Buffy was no exception.

Buffy awoke one morning in early summer to the songs of many birds that were perched on her windowsills. Mablung had apparently already awakened, as he was nowhere to be found. It was five weeks after her birthday, which fell in spring in Middle-earth as opposed to winter in the ‘modern’ world. (Buffy celebrated her birthday based on the time when she first arrived here – which was spring, and only a couple of weeks after her ‘real’ birthday in the ‘modern’ world. All references to time are based on Buffy’s arrival into Middle-earth. With that in mind, Fëanor and his House arrived ten years ago, and the Houses of Fingolfin and Finarfin arrived five years ago. So this part of the tale would correspond to our month of June).

She dressed and went downstairs and decided that she wanted breakfast served on the patio. The early morning sun felt wonderful on her skin and the yard was chock-full of blooming flowers with their sweet fragrance lingering in the air. It was an absolutely beautiful day. Nathril had departed the Halls of Thingol in order to enjoy breakfast with Buffy. “Today’s the big day,” Nathril had commented.

“What are you talking about?” asked Buffy as she took a sip of her tea.

“Er, the grand feast… that Thingol and Melian are having this eve. Did Mablung not tell you?” she questioned hesitantly.

“Nope, he hasn’t said a word to me,” Buffy looked at the members of her household who were gathered around the tables. “Did you guys know about the feast?”

They looked at one another before Úrion replied, “Indeed. I would have thought that Mablung told you.”

Buffy turned to Nathril and asked, “What’s the occasion?”

“Oh, you know Melian,” she said as she chewed on her toast. “Any excuse would suffice for her to throw one of her galas. It will be extraordinary as they always are. Mablung had me make you a new dress… ”

“Ooh, new clothes and a party! Sounds right up my alley. I’m sure it’ll be fun,” said a cheerful Buffy.

Buffy learned that the party would start at sundown, which was a favorite time for the elves. They had that whole fixation with the stars and all. Although Buffy was surprised to learn that the feast itself would be held inside Menegroth. Usually at this time of year, most feasts were held outdoors under the canopy of stars. According to Nathril, rain was expected later that day even though there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. Mablung was busy helping out in Menegroth and Buffy only saw him once in the early afternoon. He was at the mansion for only a few minutes before he departed once again.

Later that afternoon Buffy took her bath and then Nathril helped her get into her new gown. It was beautiful and very elegant. It was pale blue in color and resembled a cross between a halter dress and a Greek toga. It was made from a silky material and was overlaid with lace. It had a matching lace headdress with thin woven filaments of gold. She topped off her ensemble with a simple pearl necklace. Buffy always enjoyed dressing up for one of Melian’s parties even though they seemed to be a rarity nowadays. What girl doesn’t take pleasure in getting all gussied up for a night on the town?

When Buffy was finished dressing, Nathril excused herself so she could go home and get ready. It was only an hour until sundown. Buffy poured herself a glass of wine as she waited for Mablung to return. She walked out onto the balcony and noticed the looming gray clouds rolling in. It looked like a storm was moving in from the north as the rumbling sound of thunder shook the whole house.

After she had downed two glasses of wine, Mablung finally arrived. “Let me see you, Bella,” he requested as she turned and faced him. He looked quite handsome. He was wearing black breeches with a white and gold tunic, which was considered fancy by Mablung’s standards. “You take my breath away,” he said as he approached her. “One could easily mistake you for one of the Ainur.”

Buffy smiled at the irony of that comment. “And look at you with your handsome self. There’s no doubt that you’re the hottest elf in all of Beleriand,” she remarked as he pulled her into an embrace.

“I am glad that you approve,” he said as he gave her a kiss. “Will you, my Lady, allow me to escort you to the feast?” he asked as he offered his arm.

“Of course, my Lord,” responded Buffy in like manner. They made their way down the spiral staircase to the first floor. For the first time, Buffy noticed that the house was deserted; all the inhabitants had already left for Menegroth. They continued down the path that led to Thingol’s Halls as the first drops of rain started to fall. It was already dark due to the impending storm and now flashes of lightening could be seen in the distance. “Hurry!” Buffy squealed as she held her dress up and ran towards the main gates.

Once inside, the rain was unleashed from heaven and it began to down pour as the lightening continued to flash across the sky followed by the rumblings of thunder. The storm had arrived with full force. “Thank Eru we made it before the storm hit,” commented Mablung.

“I know, it’s really coming down out there,” said Buffy. “And that rain feels cold too.” She began rubbing her arms in an attempt to ward off the chill.

“Let me help you,” offered Mablung as he attempted to warm her up.

“I know something you can do to take away the chill,” she suggested seductively.

“You are bad,” he teased. “While I am most tempted to take you up on your offer, that will have to wait until later. We are pressed for time.” He wrapped his arm around her, holding her close to his side, as they started down the passageway.

Buffy noticed very few people lingering in the passageways, and those few that they did pass merely grinned sheepishly before disappearing around some corner. “This is gonna be one helluva party… ”

“What makes you think that?” asked Mablung.

“There’s nobody around… The place is deserted. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it like this before,” observed the Slayer.

“Then I take it that you have guessed rightly, and most people in Menegroth are at the feast,” he said with a smile. “Today is indeed a very special day.”

“Oh yeah, and what’s so special about it?” queried the Slayer.

“You shall soon see, Bella. You shall soon see,” answered Mablung with a mischievous grin on his face.

“Hmm, seems like something’s up. And my guess is you’re not gonna tell me,” commented Buffy as they turned down another passageway. There were many people loitering outside the opened double doors that led to Thingol’s Great Chamber. The throng of people warmly greeted Mablung and Buffy as they approached. It wasn’t until Buffy entered the chamber that she became aware that they were there to celebrate a wedding. All the decorations and the ceremonial garland of flowers for both the bride and groom were laid out. “Oh, a wedding!” exclaimed Buffy joyfully as she searched the crowd for the happy couple. “Where’s the bride and groom?” she asked.

“That would be us,” came Mablung’s reply.

“Huh? What? What did you say?” asked Buffy as Nathril slipped the garland over her head. “Huh?”

“This is our wedding day,” he repeated as Nathril slipped the other garland over his head. Buffy finally noticed everyone looking at them with big smiles on their faces. “Did I surprise you?” he asked. “It was supposed to be a surprise.”

Buffy stood there absolutely dumbfounded. Never in her wildest dreams had she ever considered a ‘surprise’ wedding. And in all her days in Middle-earth, she’s never heard of a groom throwing his bride a ‘surprise’ wedding! So why the hell was Mablung ‘surprising’ her with a wedding? “Surprise is not the word I would use,” she uttered as the blood drained from her face.

Mablung put his hands on her shoulders. “I have loved you from the moment that I set my eyes upon you many years ago when you first stumbled into our world. Although you were strange, you were also fair… and you renewed my hope when all seemed lost to me. And by the blessings of the Valar my prayers were finally answered when you loved me back… ”

Buffy’s heart was aching, Mablung had already started reciting his vows but she couldn’t let him continue. “Mablung, I love you, I really do, but you’re not supposed to plan a wedding without me! It’s something that we plan… together… ”

“I only thought that I was saving you the trouble. I have seen too many brides worry about their weddings in the past and I did not want to do that to you. I have placed that burden on myself… ”

“Can we talk… in private?” Buffy hated the fact that all these people, including Thingol and Melian, were watching them so intently. She didn’t allow Mablung the opportunity to answer her question. Instead, she grabbed his hand and pulled him out the doors of Thingol’s chamber into the passageway. Buffy could hear the room break out into quiet murmurings as they left. They went a little way down the passageway before she stopped. “What were you thinking?” Buffy questioned in an agitated tone. “You don’t surprise the bride with a wedding! You discuss it with her and plan it… together. I can’t believe you did this!”

“I did not think it would displease you. We are betrothed; the wedding is merely the next step. It has been six years since you agreed to become my wife, I do not see anything wrong with preparing for the wedding myself… ”

“That’s not the way it works, not in this world and most certainly not in mine,” interjected Buffy as she wiped the sweat from her brow.

Mablung grabbed her shoulders. “Do you not want to be my wife? I thought that you loved me…”

“I do love you,” she pleaded. “But I’m just not ready to… to be married or wedded, or whatever you wanna call it. I’m just not ready.”

He dropped his hands to his side. “So, you no longer wish to be my wife?”

“I didn’t say that,” Buffy was starting to panic. She had a real bad feeling about this. “I just said that I’m not ready… not now, anyway! Mablung, I’m only thirty-seven… that’s considered young by elvish standards. Can’t we wait until I’m older and… ”

“Do not use your age as an excuse,” he said heatedly.

“I don’t understand what’s wrong with what we have… I just want things to stay like they are… ” she pleaded.

“Why do you fear binding yourself to me? Have I not brought you happiness and joy all these years? Do you find me to be an unfit husband?”

“You make a great husband,” she said as she grabbed his hands. “And you do make me happy. I’m just not ready to make a life-long commitment.”

He pulled his hands from her grasp. “Then you do not love me. Love is about commitment and it is… forever. If you do not make that commitment to me this day… then it is over. We have nothing!”

Buffy could feel the bile rising to her throat. She felt sick. “Please Mablung, don’t do this.” The tears began to roll down her cheeks as many of the guests congregated in the passageway in order to watch this scene unfold before them. “I don’t wanna break up. I love you and what we have. I don’t wanna lose that. Please!! Don’t leave me… You promised me… ”

“You leave me no other choice, Bella. I want more… you know that,” he stated.

“Let’s just go back to how it was before… Let’s just… ” Buffy continued pleading.

“No!” he replied sternly. “The time has come for us to wed or we end it. This is not some silly game, Bella. If you question this relationship, then you question me. If you are not prepared to walk back in there and exchange vows, then you never truly loved me. Love is forever… it is eternal.”

Buffy looked down at the stone floor as the tears continued spilling down her cheeks. She was trying to catch her breath. When she felt she had some control over her emotions, she looked back up at Mablung. “I love you, Mablung… but I’m not ready to become your wife,” she said softly.

“Then you have made your choice,” he said sadly as he pulled the garland from his neck and hurriedly took off down the passageway.

“Mablung! Mablung!” Buffy called after him. He rounded the corner and disappeared from view. Buffy turned only to see the entire passageway filled by all the people of Menegroth. Some looked at her sympathetically while others looked at her with loathing. She could see that in their eyes and in the expressions that they wore on their faces. Buffy then realized that she was the villain here. Everyone would side with Mablung. It was Buffy who was the outsider.

As the wave of humiliation engulfed her, the Slayer fled past the bystanders towards the main gates. The storm was still raging outside as she disappeared into the darkness. She wept as she ran and the rain seemed to be coming down harder. The sounds of rolling thunder seemed to continue non-stop and the sky seemed to be aglow from the constant flashes of lightening. As Buffy ran down the path towards the mansion, the hem of her dress became entangled with her shoe causing her to fall and she slid face first through the mud. Unable to free her garment, she tore her beautiful gown in order to free herself. When she got back to her feet, she heard the malicious laughter of Morgoth in her head as she continuing running towards home.