What's up with Hermione?

A/N: Continuation of the story begun in "What's up with Hermione?" The dialogue style continues, and the following people on the "cast list" make appearances. Cast List for this Chapter (In order of appearance):
Pansy Parkinson
Draco Malfoy
Blaise Zabini
Professor Snape
... represents a moment of silence.

"Darling, do you think those idiots have worked it out yet?"

"Potter, you mean?"

"Draco Darling. Potter or Weasley, I think they may be interchangeable."

"Don't be stupid Pansy, Weasley could never be seen as anything but a Weasley with that hair!"

"You know, Weasley didn't grow up too bad. I mean, he's obviously not in the same league as you, my darling, but he is almost presentable at times. Unlike Potter, who I swear has never used a comb in his life!"

"Well of course not, Pansy. Harry Potter can't use a comb because that would draw attention to his scar. Haven't you worked it out yet? Half of Harry's charm is that he cloaks his identity in mystery. He is the image of his Father, yet he hides the scar that is his most prominent and widely recognised identifying feature. So people are left with that sense of something familiar, something almost recognised, but not quite grasped at the time. It's only later that people realise that yes, that was the famous Harry Potter, and thus the legend grows."

"Been reading the restricted section volumes of Jung again, have you Zabini?"

"Tell me I'm wrong, Draco, and I'll admit it."

"Shut up Blaise."

"Witty comeback."

"Poor Draco. Are you still upset because Professor Snape did not take you into his confidence?"

"Zabini, I swear, I'll..."

"You'll what? Tell Pater Malfoy that nasty old Zabini said mean things to you again? I don't think so. Anyway, I would assume that Pater Malfoy would be more upset that you did not inform him of this rather more important development regarding our Head of House."

"Shut up Zabini, you don't know what you are talking about."

"Yes, I suppose it is possible that I am incorrect. It is also possible that Longbottom will top the class in Potions this year, yet somehow I do not see it happening. Believe me, Draco, your Father will be considerably more interested in the fact that you neglected to tell him that Hermione Granger and Professor Snape are engaged."

"Until I hear it from Professor Snape himself, I will not believe that he intends to marry that mudblood!"

"Temper temper, Malfoy. Although I do believe that you may get your wish sooner, rather than later. Good morning, Professor."

"Zabini. Mr Malfoy, I believe that you will be attending detention this evening at five o'clock in the Potions classroom. Do not be late."

"But....but Professor Snape, I have Quidditch practice tonight."

"Really? Loath though I am to endanger the chances of Slytherin gaining Cup points, believe me Mr Malfoy, you will be attending detention this evening."

"Professor I have not done anything wrong!"

"Really? Is that so?"

"I'll make sure he gets there Professor."

"Keep your nose out of my business Pansy!"

"Mister Malfoy. I will have all Slytherins treat each other with civility if not respect. Apologise."

....

"Now."

"My apologies, Pansy. I do not know what came over me. It must have been the shock of discovering your new.....hobby, Professor."

"I am disappointed. Of all the material you had to work with, is that the best you could do Mister Malfoy? Cunning and ambition will only get you so far; intelligence and wit are talents to be cultivated. Never tell a direct lie to the person involved in the apology, Malfoy. It goes beyond stupidity and is, quite simple, tacky."

"Yes Professor."

"Morning, Slytherins."

"Morning, Professor."

"Father will be very interested in this insult."

"Insult? Only you would take advice from our Head of House to be an insult. Besides, how precisely do you intend to tell your Father about it? 'Father, Professor Snape said I had no intelligence or wit, just because he caught me calling his fiancee a Mudblood. Oh and Daddy Dearest, by the way, Professor Snape is engaged to marry said Mudblood Hermione Granger! Sorry! Didn't I mention?'"

"One day, Zabini, you will go to far."

"And shall you have your vengeance, Malfoy? I look forward to it!"

"Shhh, both of you! Here's Granger! I do believe Weasley has turned green! And Potter looks like he might lose his pumpkin juice all over the table!"

"Well, I suppose this shall be very memorable. Make sure you remember everything for your owl home to Daddy Dearest, Draco."

(Gryffindor Table)

"Morning everyone!"

"Morning Hermione."

"Would you like some toast?"

"Yes thanks Seamus, that would be lovely."

"Are you ok, Ron? You are looking a little green around the gills."

"I'm fine."

"You sure? What do you think, Harry? Harry? Engorgio! Here Harry, use this bowl if you think you're going to throw up."

......

"What is the matter with you two?"

.......

"Harry and Ron had some unexpected news last night, Hermione. They found it a bit disturbing."

"What?"

"You...you....."

" Me? What? What about me?"

"Where the hell did you get that ring?"

"Oh."

"They didn't know, Hermione. Seamus and I had to tell them last night."

"Oh."

"How the bloody hell could you do this, Hermione? What the hell is up with you? Bloody Severus Snape of all people? How can you even bear to be near him?"

"Oh, I say Harry that was uncalled f... Neville, grab her other arm. She got him a right good one, look at that handprint! I'm amazed he is still standing."

"He won't be standing long after I get my hands on him. Let me go!"

"Now, Hermione, calm down, I am sure he didn't mean it, it was just the shock talking."

"I meant every bloody word, Neville! It's obscene! It's perverted. Ron, tell her!"

"Hermione, however did you..... I mean, Snape?"

"However did I what? Fall in love with Severus? Spend time with him? Agree to marry him?"

"YOU AGREED TO MARRY SNAPE?"

"Seamus, I reiterate. However did Harry Potter get a reputation for being a saviour of Hogwarts? Why else would she be wearing a ring? He constantly misses the obvious."

"Shush, Neville. Merlin, Hermione, you'll break a wrist if you keep that up!"

"Madam Pomfrey can mend bones easily enough. If all it takes is some beating about the head to knock sense and intelligence into Potter and Weasley, then I advise we leave her to it."

"I think the choice might be out of our hands, now Neville."

"Oh help."

"Indeed."

"Precisely what are you three Gryffindors playing at? This is the Great Hall of Hogwarts, not some wrestling ring. Is there a problem?"

"Should I say something, Neville?"

"Not unless you want your head bitten off. Hush!"

"Professor Snape, I was merely explaining a certain situation to my two fellow Gryffindors, Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley. It appears that they are unaware of certain developments involving the two of us that have occurred recently, and I was merely attempting to convince them of both my current state of happiness and disinclination to listen to attempts to convince me otherwise."

"I see."

"I had to Severus. They left me with no choice."

"So you thought that brawling publicly would be the most mature and effective way of dealing with the situation? I am disappointed in you."

.....

"Don't you take that tone with her! I don't know what you have done to make her think that she is in love with you, but I swear that I'll find out and report you to.......to....to the Ministry! There are rules about teachers and students, you know! If this were a Muggle school you would be jailed for touching her; I'm sure Azkaban would be glad to see you again!"

"Severus, unhand me at once!"

"Now, now, Hermione, must I repeat myself?"

"Severus, just once, please?"

"If you had followed through with that swing, my love, you would have given him a concussion, and definitely sprained that wrist. I have better plans for your hand."

"I wish I hadn't heard that. I so do not need that vision in my head for the rest of my life."

"I am just hoping he didn't hear you say that Seamus."

"Pray remove your mind from the gutter, Mr Finnegan. I was simply referring to our engagement portrait; the ring will of course be displayed prominently. It has been worn, after all, by every Snape bride for six centuries. I assure you, Mr Potter, that if this were a Muggle school, we would not be having this conversation, for you would have been expelled in your first year, a powerful Dark Sorcerer would not be harassing our students and world, and Hermione would have been streamed into a gifted students class and would currently be attending Oxford studying astrophysics! Although this is none of your concern, I assure you that..."

"Snape, if you have...."

"I advise you to choose your words, carefully, Potter. I will allow you some license in this matter, due to your obvious surprise, but believe me, you can only push me so far. I am reluctantly willing to discuss this matter with the three of you in private, but I will not tolerate any further public invasion of our privacy. I will expect the three of you in Dumbledore's office in ten minutes. Until then, there is nothing further to discuss. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes Professor."

End.