One Heartbeat

Looking back, it was my fault we lost contact with each other.

I met Kenma after we moved in. He was a year younger than me, lived next door, and didn’t mind hanging out with a shy, older boy, who was still hurting from being apart from you. He drew me out by letting me talk about home, Mom and Akiteru. I talked about you the most. He listened to me, knew how I felt, and talked to me. It wasn’t long before I considered him my new best friend. We went to the same school, took most of the same classes, and even joined the volleyball club. We were close, and sometimes, people thought there was more to our friendship than there really was. Kenma and I would laugh about it, whenever another rumor made its way to us.

A few years later, my parents divorced. Dad was going to stay in Tokyo. His job was too important to leave. By that time, my memories of you had been buried deep. I guess it was because they were too precious to lose, and so they were tucked away in a place where even I couldn’t reach them. Isn’t that strange? I thought I’d forgotten everything about Miyagi, including you and your family who accepted me as one of their own.

_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.

I had grown used to living in Tokyo, and was about to enter my first year at Nekoma High. Kenma was my best friend, but I had also made other friends along the way. Mother offered to bring me back with her after their divorce was final, but I said no. I hated moving, and didn’t want to move again, so I decided to stay with dad. My sister had already gone off to University, and was engaged to be married, so she had moved on with her life.

You and I finally met again when I was a third year at Nekoma, and you were a first year at Karasuno. Your faculty advisor had been after our coach to have a practice match between our teams. We were already scheduled to play with another school along the way, so our coach agreed. I came to find out later that Coach had his own reasons for our schools meeting, the biggest of which was the Trashcan Showdown. So, we headed to Miyagi to play Karasuno.

I hadn’t seen you at first, or maybe I just didn’t recognize you right away. We had been playing all day, and were opposite each other for much of that time. You were a good middle blocker, and I could tell you had the potential to be even better. But neither of us would so much as say a word to the other. Not until the matches were over, and we were getting ready to leave.

I was on my way to collect Inuoka, as he was the last in the gym. He was too busy talking and jumping with Chibi-chan, so I was going to wait a little longer. But then, I saw you standing there, looking so bemused. I hadn’t given it much thought, but the bond we shared so long ago was slowly resurfacing from the place it had been hidden, and I was feeling its pull. It was faint, but noticeable, and I found myself making my way to you.

_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.

“Do you … understand that?”

“Nah. They sound like a couple of toddlers. But you know, maybe you should try goofing off once in a while instead of acting all stoic,”

“That’s not one of my strong suits.”

“Mmmhmmm. Ya sound like an old man.”

You walked away, and I was able to get Inuoka’s attention long enough to tell him we were leaving. But, that whole time, I never lost sight of you, Kei. I watched you walk away, leaving me behind, and the bond grew stronger. I had the strangest urge to follow you, to grab your hand and never let go, but I still hadn’t fully recognized you. And, as far as I was aware, you didn’t know me.

As our teams said farewell, we passed each other and I heard you say something that stopped me dead in my tracks.

“It’s been a while… Kuroo.”

_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.

Your voice shot through me, a sweet sensation that made my heart thump harder than it already was. The memories came flooding back, almost too fast for me to process. Everything I’d locked away; meeting you, your mom and brother. Everything. It all came back, and I turned around so fast that I nearly fell over. You were facing me, both hands in your pockets, and your face… I could never forget that look of anger, of hurt and disappointment, of sadness. It was all in your eyes, and my vision started blurring.

_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.

“Kei… I…”

“Don’t call me that! Please. It’s Tsukishima.”

“Right. I’m sorry, Tsukishima.”

That felt so wrong. Everything felt wrong. I didn’t know what to do, or how I could fix it. I just knew I wanted to see you smile. But, obviously, that wasn’t going to happen. Not now, anyway. You tilted your head to the side, and your eyes echoed your curiosity.

“Why didn’t you…?”

“TSUKI! WE’VE GOTTA GO!”

“COME ON, KUROO! WE’LL MISS OUR TRAIN!”

“I want to explain…”

“Why now?”

“Please?”

I handed over my phone, hoping you would put your number in there. It felt like years before you finally took it, typed your number into my contact list, and handed it back.

“Thank you, Tsukishima. I’ll text you once we’re on the train.”

“No rush. I stopped waiting to hear from you years ago.”

_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. You had every right to say that to me, but it still hurt to hear you say it, and it hurt to see that look in your eyes. We both turned away from each other, and went to our waiting teams. I kept my word and texted you, and I slowly explained everything, and tried to repair the damage I’d done.

Two months later, we met in Tokyo.

Nothing had really changed in person. But we kept that line of communication open, and we talked via text. I took it. It was something to hold onto besides that little flame of hope that things between us would change for the better.

Two weeks passed and we met again at Shinzen for summer training camp.

I had a week to talk to you, listen to you, be with you. I freed up so much time so I could do all those things and not get in trouble. I don’t know what finally went right, but soon, you were seeking me out, talking to me, being with me. There were several nights where we started practicing in the 3rd gym, but then ended up walking around the school, both inside and out. I loved those nights.

I loved you.

_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.

Did you know that, Kei? Did you know I had fallen in love with you? Maybe you did. I could see it in your eyes, but was too scared to ask you, to tell you how I felt. But the thing was, I didn’t just fall in love with you that week at Shinzen. It happened all those years ago; the day we met, in fact. I didn’t realize it until our summer camp. All those years I’d lost. The chance I let slip through my fingers. So much I wanted to make up for. You were everything I ever needed in my life, and I wanted you back.

The last night at Shinzen was one I’ll never forget. As if I could ever forget any time spent with you, but that night was… special.

We went for a walk, like we had done before. To the top of the hill outside the gym, and further away so that the only light we had was the full moon and glittering stars. We found a little spot that was hidden away, and you turned to face me. At first, I was confused, but then I looked into your eyes. Those gorgeous golden brown eyes spoke volumes without you saying a word. You loved me, too.

_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.

We moved at the same time, into each other's arms, kissing for the first time. We explored each other, learning what the other liked and didn’t like. We made love under that moon and starry sky.