Memories of a King

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He was in the Golden Hall with his uncle and cousin. He turned to look at Lothiriel and once again she encouraged him to speak to them. There was some trepidation on the young king’s part to be before his uncle, but with the princess’ encouragement he stepped before Théoden and bowed. As Eomer rose he was immediately surrounded by darkness and he felt a heavy weight on his chest!

“What is happening,” he asked frightened?

The next instant he and the princess were in a dark cell somewhere under the Golden Hall. Heavy air and oppressive cold characterized their prison and in the shadows dark forms moved around them. The forms did not take solid shape but remained airy and menacing; hissing at them and coming just within arms length. Eomer instinctively put Lothiriel behind him to protect her from the frontal assault, but they were surrounded now.

“They can not hurt you Eomer,” she said gently taking his hand and standing beside him. It was his dark memories, the ones he had to suppress over the years in order to keep functioning, that now came back to haunt him. Memories that had been held back on the periphery while he spoke with his father. They were too strong for her to keep away now; but Eomer was much stronger then when he first arrived and she felt confident he could face them victoriously.

“Where are Théoden and Theodred? Why is this happening?” He was scared and upset that he had seen his family but once again they were gone.

“You can not only face your good memories you have to face the bad ones as well. You have grown stronger by speaking with your father that is why they have come. You have realized something in yourself Eomer, they will try to bring negativity back into your life. You are strong but need to be stronger to confront them. Théoden and Theodred are still here with us, but these creatures have taken control for now. They can not hurt you so face those that you feel comfortable with. The others will come in time, and you will walk through this darkness into the light.”

She squeezed his hand, “I am here.” This time Eomer was not angry at her, perhaps they had crossed an obstacle and reached a mutual understanding.

Her words offered no comfort since he had no idea what he was feeling. They were just empty sentences, what was tangible was before him and now they were witnessing what Eomer had experienced when he was imprisoned for treason.

It was hard to watch the scenes play out before him. Grima’s men bound his hands as the led him to the lonely cell and took the chance to rough him up. He had experienced much harsher treatment and merely laughed at their violence. Once he was tossed into the cell and freed from his binds then it was harder for him. The thoughts that went through his mind as he awaited death came back to him in stark vividness. Hatred toward Grima and the situation that Rohan had fallen into because of the Worm was the strongest, but there was a growing hate toward Théoden. Eomer hated his uncle for allowing himself to become the shrunken old man that he now was! Hated the man who raised him as a son, who was his father, who should have been riding beside him defending Rohan; yet was close to an invalid as any man could be! The man that had allowed his only son and heir to die a senseless death all because he could not break the hold his advisor now held over him! Théoden was weak and because of his weakness Rohan would fall and Middle Earth would not hold out much longer. No, Eomer was weak for not fighting stronger against the Worm, for allowing Theodred to die, for letting his sister suffer unimaginable horrors at Grima’s hands. It was all his fault!

He felt another presence with him in the cell and knew it was Imrahil’s daughter. “You suffered greatly Eomer, the mind of a man with no hope drifts into horrible thoughts before it is made clear with resolve. You had no hope during this time, but you have hope now.” She lifted him up and they walked toward the cell door. But it was not over, not yet. One more thought filled the king’s mind.

Guilt, the guilt associated with knowing what unspeakable horrors Eowyn would suffer once he was gone and the kingdom fell completely, hit him hard. Again he had failed, this time the one person who was closest to him! He had always protected her, cared for her but now because of his actions he had condemned her to certain death. He closed his eyes and was only aware of Lothiriel’s voice trying to sooth him. Eomer wished she would not try so hard, he wished she would just give up on him, leave him to his wretched and miserable life! Something in him took fire and another realization came to him; this was all in the past. In the future Théoden was freed and Eowyn was happy. His previous actions had been what were called for to protect his kingdom, he realized that now and also realized that he had fulfilled the vow he long ago made to himself; to protect his sister. She was happy in her life, so why should he not be?

“Eomer, Eomer,” the voice said and he opened his eyes. Théoden King in all his glory was before him, he was out of the cold, dark cell and into the warm light. He was back in the light of the Golden Hall but Lothiriel was no where to be seen.

“She is fine Eomer,” it was Theodred who spoke sensing his cousin’s concern. “You however do not seem to be doing as well. Come sit for a while.” His cousin offered up a chair at a table and now they were in a tavern like setting.

“You have come into your own little cousin. I am so sorry you had to come into it so young.” Theodred looked him up and down approvingly.

“Theodred I am sorry I could not protect you,” he had to say it. It had bothered him for so long.

“Protect me? Eomer you do not know how many times the thought of you protected me.” He clasped his cousin on the shoulder.

“I knew my little cousin looked up to me. It was not easy for me to be a role model for you. Especially when father’s mind darkened and Grima took control. But I had to act nobly so you would have that character in yourself and so you would not suffer for my brash actions.” He poured a tankard for Eomer and himself and settled back to eye the king before he continued.

“And you have made me proud. So many times I thought of how to end the Worm’s life, not realizing what dire circumstances I would be putting my family in. You made me responsible for my actions and once you became Marshal of the Mark your wisdom was often listened to.”

Eomer was awestruck that Theodred actually looked to him for advice! He had always worshipped the ground his cousin walked on and now seeing that his cousin had high respect for him lightened his mood! This dream world was amazing he thought! Not only was he conversing with his family but the mead was incredibly good too. He would not mind staying here forever, if he could only get rid of Lothiriel somehow. For once he was happy and wanted to continue to feel this freedom; the real world became a memory as his dream world took roots in his soul.

Theodred continued, “I know how hard it was toward the end of my life. I know you feel responsible for my death, but nothing was your fault. You knew our first duty was to our people and you served them and protected them well. The people of Rohan are still your first duty and I know you will be the king our people need. I told them to leave me where I fell and I would guard the Fords until Eomer arrived.”

Tears formed in the king’s eyes. “I arrived too late.”

“For me yes, but not for Rohan. You will make difficult choices in your kingdom Eomer and I hope you never have to choose between country and family again. You are Rohan’s King and it is time Eomer King forgives himself for things out of his control. Rohan needs you and you must be ready.”

Theodred finished his tankard and set it with a thud on the table. “You will not have to rule alone Eomer. I shall be here, so will my father, and Eomund, and the king’s of old. Draw on our strengths and rule your country. Take a queen if you fancy.”

“I allowed Loridrea to enter my life,” he had to confess his latest sin to his cousin.

“Not the wisest of decisions cousin but you did what you thought would help at the time. Her father betrayed us, but this you know. Do not let him get his talons into you as well. Once you return to the real world make it known that you do not intend to suffer traitors to the crown and I believe there will be no nasty consequences from your indiscretion.” Theodred hugged him and then his form gave way to Lothiriel.

It was good that Lothiriel had return; he wished to know more about the dream world they were in and how to get out of it. More to the point how to send her out of it and stay himself forever among his family. He was not what Rohan needed, Theodred was mistaken in Eomer’s abilities.

“You can not stay here Eomer, who would rule Rohan if you stayed?“ She had read his mind.
“Here you must confront your memories and learn from them, and then you can wake in the real world and rule Rohan. There is the most delightful fellow who wishes to speak to you Eomer.” She pointed him toward the throne. Seated on it in his renewed health was his beloved uncle.

Eomer knew she spoke the truth; that he could not stay but he was comfortable here, something he had not felt in a long time. He would really like to stay and though he had reassurance that he was the king Rohan’s people needed he was not convinced. If Lothiriel was the one that would bring them back to the real world then she would have to be gotten rid of for him to stay. He remembered that he had been able to block her out of his mind once before, right before he attacked her so perhaps he could block her out again. Send her back to Cormallen among her family where she could be useful to her people, not holding the hand of someone who was lost. If he could control things then surly he would be able to brush the bad memories away. It was something to ponder.

He had managed to block her out again, Lothiriel did not like the fact she could not read Eomer’s recent thoughts but she felt that he was trying to get rid of her. Somehow she had to get him to return to the real world once it was time. But now something else puzzled her and took her attention, Théoden King had sought her out. Which while she was delighted to make his acquaintance put in perspective that Eomer was in control of this dream world, not herself. It was Eomer’s desire for his uncle to talk with her; there was no other way she could have interacted with him. The possibility that he was in control and that he would be the one to bring them out of it panicked Lothiriel. She had always been in control, until Eomer came into her life.

Eomer felt her panic and decided that now, while she was confused, was the perfect time to push her out of his memories. He was happy where he was and wished to stay; he had always fought alone and this time would be no different.

Lothiriel woke up to see her father and Queen Arwen sitting vigil by her bedside. Her father was looking exhausted but her queen looked radiant even with concern marring her face.

“He has pushed me out of his world,” she was saddened and angry that he had done so.

Arwen took her hands and tried to calm the princess. “Do not worry. It was always Eomer’s decision to how things played out in his dream world. You offered him support when he was weak and indecisive but now he is stronger. He will come back to us; there are a few more emotions he needs to confront before he does, but Rohan will have their king.”

“There were dark things trying to get to him my queen. Hideous forms lingering just outside of his happier thoughts. He is getting stronger with each confrontation he faces but I fear he will not be able to confront the bad things on his own. He is comfortable for now and wants to stay. He does not know of the trials ahead. Eomer will face his darkest memories and fears without guidance. He is not strong enough for that no matter how strong he feels among his family!”

It ate at her, leaving Eomer alone and confused. She knew she was not at fault; that the king had pushed her out himself. So he was empathetic just like her, a pity he had not developed his skills while younger.

The queen was quiet for a moment, deep in thought. Finally she spoke, “He is strong enough to face most of his emotions but there are a few I fear he will not be able to pass without guidance.” She looked to Imrahil for his approval before she spoke again.

Imrahil’s mind knew the logic behind his queen’s words but that did not stop his heart from breaking. What Arwen would suggest would fix his daughter into the king’s life more than he wanted her to be. If Lothiriel went back in, with the queen’s help, to guide Eomer through the final memories then she would know the king more intimately then Eowyn and probably better then Eomer knew himself. Lothiriel would be burdened with the king’s memories and emotions the rest of her life. His daughter would have to choose what to do.

“Father, my queen, I took him there and must return to help him. I do not fear being so close to him father.” She tried to assuage her father’s worry. “I can let his memories and emotions go, they will not burden me.”

“What if he can not vanquish them even with your help? What then? Will you be forever attached to him? Forever guiding him? It is too much to ask to put yourself in such a position. You are Gondorian, what would the Rohirrim think having a Gondorian; and a woman at that, advising their king?”

“Eomer will prevail father, he knows he has to. He will be able to begin healing even if he can not vanquish all painful memories. If he needs me for a time I think it is a small price to pay to the horselords who delivered us in our time of need.”

“Lothiriel you know that you will have intimate knowledge of Eomer. It will be something that you have never experienced before. You will not only see what he must confront but you will feel his pain and suffering, and it will be more intense then anything you have experienced. The king has denied himself these memories and the emotions lingering with them making them much more powerful. Yet you would be taking them as your own and guiding him through the darkness alone. What he has long suppressed you would take up the fight. And he has suppressed darkness, pain, and grief far more than any mortal man should have to know.”

“I was destined to use my ability to help those around me my queen. I am terrified of the consequences but it is my duty to help him.” She was resolved to her fate. Of course she worried she was not strong enough but Arwen would be with her. She was not thinking of the fact that her fate would be tied to Eomer’s once they returned. For all her knowledge of her ability and the control she had over it she was not seeing that this event would change her life forever.

Outside his tent there was a steady stream of Rohirrim praying for their king’s swift recovery. Some of his eored were keeping guard at the flap so that Eomer would not be disturbed and seeing Lothiriel and Arwen they stepped aside to let them enter. Inside they were met by Eothain, Gamling and King Elessar. Gamling could not help but stare at the angry bruises his friend had left on the princess’ throat. Eomer was not in his right mind when he attacked Lothiriel; he would never harm an innocent especially a woman. All of his friend’s knew this and so did Imrahil but Gamling felt it necessary to reiterate this point to Lothiriel.

“My lady I am pleased to see you up and well,” he bowed as he spoke.

She put her hand on his chin and lifted his head up. “You Lord Gamling do not need to bow before me. We share the same concern and I would hope that Gondor and Rohan will remain friends. I am fine, and do not hold Eomer responsible for last night.” The last was added because she sensed Gamling’s worry.

He had heard of her ability and it did unnerve him but he would deal with it, especially if she could help his king find the way back to them. King Elessar had told him, as he had come to calm the Rohirrim’s fears that their king was dead, that Lothiriel had a gift. This ability would be needed to bring Eomer back to the real world but it had been a hard sell to get the Rohirrim, a superstitious people, to allow her to sit with the king. Especially after Loridrea out of self preservation had told wild tales of the princess being a witch who had enchanted Eomer. But their love for Eomer outweighed Loridrea’s vicious tales, and what love did not erase the fact that Loridrea’s father was a well known traitor among those at camp solidified Lothiriel’s help.

Aragorn stepped forward to greet the princess and his queen and directed them to chairs beside Eomer’s bed. Taking a seat Lothiriel felt a barrage of emotions from the people around her. Outside there was fear and suspicion, inside there was uneasiness, sadness, and helplessness. Eomer however emitted calm and repose. She hoped she was not too late, or that returning to him would doom her as well. She took his hand and focused on his listless form, reaching into his mind to find a way in. She felt Arwen with her and even with their combined awareness getting back inside Eomer’s world would be difficult.