Mary-Sue's Survival-Training

~Chapter III~

~A Walk in the Dark~

The night grew on and the moon rose and sank again, and still they walked in the dark, unfriendly and barren lands. Gimli-Sue was still stumbling and cursing under her breath. She was still cold and miserable and more than one time she tripped and almost fell. She cursed everything one could possibly think about. She cursed Aragorn because of his knowledge of their surroundings, the cold and the wind, Legolas’ elegant any easy movements.

‘Only good that the elf is not walking behind me. He would tease me to no end and would make some dwarf-jokes. I really could not guarantee his safety.’
She would have died of embarrassment if the elf noticed how much difficulties she had.
‘The elf, the elf has a name. I frighten myself! I am insulting him. Yes, that is just what Gimli did, was it not?’ She though sarcastically.

Suddenly Gimli-Sue stopped dead in her tracks.
‘Oh my gosh, I cannot even wield an axe, not to say throw it! What will they think of me now? I cannot even defend myself. What will happen when the wolves attak?’
Merry, how had been talking with Pippin and not seen that the Gimli-Sue had stopped, bumped into her from behind.
“Gimli, can’t you tell the others that you plan to stop? You are walking with company after all. But it seems we do not interest you.” Merry said annoyed.
“If you had just looked where you are going you would have noticed me stopping.” The Sue retorted a bit louder than she had intended.

By now those walking in front of ‘Gimli’ had realized the company behind them had stopped.
“What is going on there?!” Gandalf demanded as he passed Aragorn and Legolas and came to a stop in front of the dwarf.

“Gimli just stopped without saying anything Gandalf” Merry answered for Gimli-Sue.
“Yeah, if you had looked at me and not at the face of your silly cousin, nothing would have happened.” Gimli-Sue answered.
“Silly cousin? How dare you call Pippin silly?” Merry asked furious.
“That’s it; I’m not at all silly.” Pippin chirped in. Having stemmed his hands at either side of his hips and inclining his head to the side, he looked not really believable, Gimli-Sue thought.
‘The hobbit has done nothing as of yet, you should not insult him without a reason.’

“Gimli and Merry, you are both members of this Fellowship and we have an important quest to fulfil, but you are behaving like little children not worthy of being given any responsibility!” Gandalf barked. “If we want this Fellowship to achieve its goal, we have to hold together. You are a warrior Gimli Son of Gloin and you have to be an example to those less experienced than you.”


Gimli-Sue sighted in defeat, all of them were more experienced than herself. Of course, a warrior, Gimli was a warrior at heart. And Gimli-Sue could not even hold an axe properly. Where was the legendary strength of a classical Mary-Sue? She really began to hate this place. Worse was, she would get herself killed. She was not so sure the quest would succeed without Gimli.

“See Aragorn, it was not meant personally. It’s just his nature. He just has to annoy everybody unlucky enough to have some conversation with our short ‘friend’.”
Legolas patted Aragorn on the back in a comforting manner while throwing an evil grin in Gimli-Sues direction.

«What do you want to achieve with this childish behaviour, mellon nin. I always thought the edhil would be so proud of being superior, and now you provoke each other. You really cannot lay the blame on the dwarf. If I remember correctly, it was you who started it all. I gather that there must be exceptions from the rule, and you must be one of them,» Aragorn hissed in elvish so that Gimli could not follow their conversation.
«We know each other for about 70 years, mellon nin. And you know perfectly well that I am no exception from your so called rule. But that is a nogoth, Aragorn. They have always been our enemy. Especially the offspring of this Gloin.»
«Then it should be time it, set an example. You do not even know the source of your animosity.» Aragorn shook his head, stubborn elves.

Gimli-Sue vowed to whomever was listening never ever wish to join the fellowship if only she would not get herself killed. She would do everything for it, even not killing the elf and being very nice to her ‘inferiors’.

So the company marched on. It was still cold and wet and the Sue still felt very miserable.



*~*~*~*~*~*
As the first rays of the winter sun crept over the horizon, Gimli-Sue was at the end of her strength, never in her life had she been so exhausted. And the wind certainly did not help at all. Then the halted at last.

As she dropped down her pack and sat heavily next to it, she noticed another thing: She had to relieve herself! Under normal circumstances and within her own body, it would have been mad enough but in a male and hairy body…the hour of doom had finally come. She knew it, had always known that this point would com, inevitably.

She stood up again and made some steps to the outside of the camp as she heard Aragorn’s call.
“Gimli, where are you going?”
‘Where I am going? I won’t shout the answer all over the camp, forget it!’ She felt herself blushing as she gestured to the outside.
“Won’t be long, Aragorn.”
‘Be nice to him, he has no idea what is going on.’ She told herself firmly as walked again, her knees shaking.

‘oh, calm yourself.’ She knew she could NOT calm herself. That what she was going to do was the most disgusting thing she had ever done. And her list of deeds was long.
And she did not even have toilet paper. She sighed a heart wrenching sigh and went in search for some kind of leaves that would fulfil their purpose.

Gimli-Sue had found a dagger of his belt which she now used to dig her hole.
When she was done she took three deep breaths and put her trousers down and set to work. It looked and felt horrible and she wanted to be finished as quickly as possible. That was the horrible reality of Middle-Earth. Tolkien had never mentioned their personal needs and so she had thought of them neither. How stupid she had been!
She didn’t even want to think of places like Caradhras or Moria where relieving oneself would be much more complicated. They stayed three days in this black pit after all.

When she was done she closed the hole again and cleaned the dagger before returning it in its sheath.

As Gimli-Sue stepped back into the camp, Bill was already unloaded . There was no sign of Aragorn or Legolas.
‘Good’, she thought ‘a moment without the elf at last. Hm, I wonder what they are doing.’

Her curiosity got the best of her and she just had to ask.
“Gandalf, where have Aragorn and the elf gone to?”
“Scouting, Master dwarf,” the Wizard answered her.
‘Sure, scouting. Perhaps for a good place to dig a hole.’

She almost burst out laughing at the mental image of the elf relieving himself.’
She unpacked her bedroll, sat on it and began eating supper-breakfast – or whatever they called it. They were even bickering about it.
‘They must have problems.’ She thought sarcastically.

A short time later Aragorn and Legolas came back to the camp.
“All is clear Mithrandir, we have found nothing out of the ordinary.”
“Good, now sit down and eat what Sam has prepared for the two of you.”

When all members of the fellowship had eaten their cold and cheerless meal, the watches were set. There were four two hours watches. Aragorn had the first, Gandalf the second, Legolas the third and Gimli-Sue the last. The little problem was that she would not know when the two hours where over! But she could not possibly tell them THAT! The worst thing is that she would be wakened by Legolas. She hoped he had nothing prepared for her. But at the moment she was too exhausted to think about that. She was only thankful that she had could enjoy a few hours of coherent sleep.

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mellon nin - miy friend
Edhil - elves
Nogoth - dwarf