Memories of a King

She was truly gone from his dream world now, the princess of Dol Amroth with all her hope of saving him was gone and he was alone. He was meant to be alone and besides he could not bring her into his darkest memory. He could not subject such a young, fragile flower to those monsters. Eomer did not doubt she was strong in her ability to ease other’s suffering and guide them through their nightmares; but even she would not be able to help him with that memory. But he doubted now that it would come, he was with Théoden and it had been ages since he felt so happy and comfortable. He would just focus on these memories and block the other ones out, that was what he had always done.

“You have beaten me Eomer, by five years.” Théoden was amused as he spoke.

Eomer bowed before his uncle.

“Do not bow before me my son. You are Rohan’s king, you are Rohan’s protector. It is I that should bow before you.” Théoden stood and bowed before Eomer.

“Uncle,” Eomer was confused?

“You are King of Rohan at 28; I was 33 when the crown fell to me. I do believe you are the youngest king to assume the throne.”

Eomer was not as excited as he uncle seemed to be by this fact. “I never planned on assuming the throne uncle. No matter what Grima told you I never would have harmed Theodred or yourself. I never wanted the throne. I was not power hungry my lord. I am sorry for disobeying your orders but if I did not Rohan would have fallen.” He had not been able to speak his mind freely to Théoden before they rode to the final battle and now it all came out.

Théoden looked at his nephew with a smile. He had grown into a fine man and it saddened him that he had not been able to experience Eomer growing up. He had not been there for any of his loved ones for such a long time, yet they still loved him and forgave him once he was restored. There was something to be said about the bond of family and he was thankful that he had been blessed with such a family as Theodred, Eomer and Eowyn. The old king also knew that Eomer would need Eowyn by his side in the beginning to start the transformation back to a proud kingdom. Family was important to him and not only was Eomer before him now but he had seen a distant relation in Lothiriel. Morwen of Lossanach, his mother, resembled the princess a bit. That was why he sought her out. Speaking to her he was reminded of his mother and all the charm that Lothiriel possessed made him happy. The fact that Eomer had unknowingly found such a bond with Lothiriel pleased him. Rohan could benefit from another Gondorian queen. But he would let things take there course between them. Knowing someday Meduseld would once again have a queen from Gondor he smiled. Now his nephew was before him and he had dwelled in his own thoughts too long.

“Eomer, you are like a son to me and I made you my heir. I know my time under Grima’s influence was not easy but your actions were only noble. Now is your time to bring our people out of the dark and into the light Eomer.”

“Uncle, I am not trained to be king.” Eomer was seeking guidance.

“No, you were not raised to be king, but raised in the king’s household as one of his own. Stop feeling sorry for yourself Eomer and accept that you are Rohan’s king and that you will lead our people to glory!” Théoden was stern in his speech.

“I felt sorry for myself for too long and took Rohan into ruin. When I became king Rohan prospered and the people loved me. Then my thoughts grew dark and I let my people fail. If it had not been for Theodred and you disobeying Grima’s orders our people would have fallen completely. But you did what your heart directed you too and you will continue to do what your heart directs. You are Rohan’s king and you will act like one. You will confront your demons and come through unscathed and with new purpose.”

His uncle had always held a fine balance between love and discipline and Eomer realized now that he had let both slip from his mind. He went to question his uncle but Théoden was not finished talking.

“I have taken my guilt to my grave Eomer. My only saving grace was my valor in battle and the forgiveness of my people. Do not let your guilt do the same to you. You have battled your emotions this far, continue to do so.”

“How am I to do that? I sent Lothiriel back.”

“She only showed you the beginning of what you could do Eomer. It is now up to you to face your nightmares.”

He took Eomer’s shoulders. “I am proud of you and my faith in you is not wasted. Rule fairly and listen to your heart. Put your people first and all will be right.”

His uncle disappeared. Of all the people he needed to talk to the most Théoden was the one that had stayed the shortest time and even then he had seemed deep in thought of something else. Eomer was at a losse but suddenly felt the hair on the back of his neck rise. The darkness had come back and Lothiriel was not with him to help him through it this time. He had wanted to be alone but now he longed for his uncle, cousin, father or even Lothiriel to be by his side. He had foolishly thought that he would stay happy in this dream world but he had known better deep down, just ignored it. He thought he could keep the bad memories away and live on with his family, he was wrong and now he would pay for his mistake. Eomer had been lucky in the past but it seemed as if the overwhelming feeling of pressure and despair would take his life. He had to be strong and fight them, that was what everyone had told him. “They can not hurt you,” was what the princess said. Taking those words to heart he accepted the darkness.

The forms were from his nightmares. Hideous, misshapen creatures that represented his darkest fears and memories now came to confront him. He had to do this alone, but he kept reminding himself he was not along because he had the wisdom and love of his family and the words of Lothiriel behind him. Eomer King charged unafraid into the creatures.

“I have lost him my king,” Lothiriel’s voice was sad as she came back to them. “He has been plunged into his darkest memories and I can not find him.”

“Keep trying Lothiriel, Rohan needs their king.” Aragorn rested his hand on the princess’ shoulder and his strength gave her the resolve to try again. He looked to Arwen but she was in the same state as the princess; Eomer was out of reach – for now.

As long as Elessar and Arwen stood by her side she did not fear the damage that she would take trying to bring Eomer out. What she did fear was that once he had awaken anew in the real world that he would despise her for knowing him so intimately, so completely without his consent. She was basically going to rape his memories and become part of him. Not even his sister would know him as well as the princess did once this was over. Lothiriel would have to make a choice since he had pushed her out and refused her help. Right now she needed to think about her choices, she dismissed herself to take some air; Eomer was alright for now.

Gamling followed the princess, thinking he was out of sight. Once she stopped under an oak tree he stopped too, taking cover behind a tent.

“Lord Gamling I know you follow me. What can I do for you?”

Blushing he came out from behind the tent. “You know what you can do for me. I was wondering what I could do for you. You have left Eomer’s side why?

She did not know what to say so she shrugged her shoulders. However Gamling was not going to be dissuaded so easily. Composing herself she told Gamling her dilemma.

“I sensed the king early on, almost from the first step off the boat at Minas Tirith. Last night it was his emotions that woke me, that brought me to him but once we met I lost control of the situation. He fought against me even in the dream world, finally he kicked me out. No one has ever done that before Lord Gamling and it understandably unnerved me. There are so many dark memories waiting to confront him, so much he has blocked out in necessity that will come back to ravish him. I can go to him, offer him a little help.” She took hold of Gamling’s hands; she needed support from one of Eomer’s friends.

Gamling held the princess’ hands and felt calm. He looked at her taking in everything she was saying. If she needed him to help her of course she had it.

“If I help him through his darkest memories I will know Eomer as well as he knows himself and even better then his sister knows him. I can handle that fact, but fear he can not. It would be like a stranger taking over the most intimate, the most secretive parts of his life and having the power to use them for good or evil against him.”

“I do not know you well Lothiriel, daughter of Imrahil of Dol Amroth, but I feel that you would not harm Eomer with them after he is renewed. I trust you, and I feel that Eomer will trust you as well. Do what you must to bring him back. Rohan needs him, he will understand that and he will act accordingly. If you can deal with them as you go on with your life then that is all I and he would want.” He kissed her hands reassuringly.

“I will do what I can Lord Gamling. Eomer is lucky to have a friend like you.” She kissed him on the cheek.

“Aye, and he is lucky to have an angel looking out for him.” He offered his arm and walked her back to the tent.

His first demon was a black void filled with scenes of his father being hewed down by Orcs. The scene swirled before him and he felt like he was actually there watching his father die, his father’s blood his own. Eomer had always felt that if he had been with his father that day the outcome would have been different, even though he was a child and could barely swing an adult sword. This vision was showing him his father’s folly. Eomund had ridden out with to few men that day, and was too focused on bringing the raiding party down to consider the consequences of his actions. His father had indeed been impulsive and it had torn his family apart. Eomer accepted this fact and the scene departed.

The next memory was of his mother. Behind her sobbing form he saw writhing demons with spikes coming out of them. Theodwyn paid them no mind, just sat weeping into her hands. The demons came toward Eomer and taunted him.

“You did not love her enough. She died because you blamed her for your father’s death. You hated her and your hate killed her,” they spoke poison in his ears.

He had not seen his mother in this world and did not know how to deal with this vision, these demons would win out! A warm hand on his shoulder made him jump.

“Eomer,” his mother said softly. “My heart was broken but not by you or your sister. Someday you will love another as I loved you father and you will know the grief of lose.”

“But you two fought so often,” it came out unconsciously from him.

“We fought over his carelessness; never did I doubt his love for us. You will see one day how another can enrich your life so much and at the same time tear your sanity to threads. It is the way of love and I love you. I just could not find the courage among the living, even my children. I was selfish and for that I am sorry.” She vanished and so did the scene before him.

After his mother left he battled Orcs at the Fords with Theodred, and the Witch King with Eowyn. He faced down all his fears as a child and young adult. He felt proud of himself for conquering them but several memories loomed before him still. These were much larger then any before and more frightening then anything he had experienced in this world. The first one came to him now and took his breath. It was the memory of the first time he saw Grima the Worm and the event that happened that he told no one about. Grima had assaulted the young man’s mind with doubts and feelings of hopelessness. The advisor had been ruthless in his taunting of him. It was as if the Worm had looked into Eomer’s heart and soul and brought everything foul to the surface to hold against him. Grima had showed Eomer the monster that lurked inside himself and Eomer had never forgotten. But there was no monster inside Eomer then or now and he gathered all his resolve to begin the final battle with this creature that had shattered his world so completely.

Back in the real world Eomer’s body went ridged and his breathing became quick and labored. It was now or never for the princess of Dol Amroth; she just hoped it was not to late.