One Heartbeat

The wake was held two days later. It was a small affair, with only those close to Kei and Tetsuro attending. Which was most of both their original teams from Nekoma and Karasuno. Kei was unable to attend, still too distraught to be in the same room as Tetsu’s body. Akiteru sat for him as a proxy, accepting condolences and thanking attendees for coming.

The cremation was held the next day. Akiteru remained as Kei’s proxy, and Bokuto went to help with the bone ceremony. They divided the ashes, and interred one urn at the Tsukishima family grave with a sotoba added to the rest. The other urn was given in trust to Bokuto to take back to Tokyo. They still hadn’t heard anything from Tetsuro’s dad or older sister, so it would remain in Bokuto’s and Akaashi’s keeping until a decision was made.

After a few days, they moved Kei into Akiteru’s place, and kept watch over him. They tried to engage him in conversation, which only worked sporadically. They made him eat, even when he argued that he wasn’t hungry. They gradually made him participate in doing something other than sitting and staring at nothing. And like his mom had told them, he would continually snap and snipe at them, sometimes using words to cut at them. He did his best to push them away, but they simply waited him out, and continued on as if he hadn’t lashed out at all.

When one of them left, within minutes, Kei would look for them, ask where they were, and become worried when they didn’t return when he thought they should. That last was the hardest to overcome, because they knew he was afraid the person who just left would never return. Like Tetsu. Trying to get him into a cab was… difficult, to say the least. Kei was convinced they were unsafe, and that they’d all die if they rode in one. Like Tetsu. Even if they did get him into one, they had to make sure the driver was super careful at every intersection.

It took some time, but eventually Kei began acting like his old self. Almost. Not as open as he was while Tetsu was alive, but he was talking, eating, living, and those close to him were relieved.

There were still a few things that he simply refused to do; he had yet to step foot through the door at home. He had yet to visit the family grave. He categorically refused to remove his engagement ring, and insisted on wearing Tetsu’s on a chain around his neck. And, he had stopped playing volleyball. How could he possibly think of playing? Tetsu had trained him to be the best middle blocker he could be while they were in school. Those memories stayed with him everytime he played. Later on, Tetsu had made it a point to support him by coming to games as much as his job allowed, or he called or texted when he couldn’t make it. Not seeing him there, reading his text, or hearing his voice was unthinkable.

With Kei healing, Akaashi and Bokuto finally left to go back home to Tokyo. They assured Kei that they would contact him the minute they got off the train, although Akaashi made a mental note to contact him at the halfway point, as well. They promised to keep in touch as often as possible.

Two years had passed before Kei felt strong enough to go home. Though, he wasn’t alone. Akaashi had come back for a visit, and with him was Tadashi, whom he’d reconnected with since Tetsu’s passing. Of course, his mom and brother were there, as they had always been, but this time, he needed the help of his best friends.

They stood outside of the house, Kei standing in front, and staring at the front door. He knew his mom and brother stood on the other side; he planned it this way. He wanted to be the one to enter the house, to open the door. This was something he needed to do. This was also why he’d brought his friends along, in case he needed a ‘push’ to get moving.

Taking a deep breath, he reached up to touch the ring he wore around his neck. This was so hard. All he had to do was open the door and go inside. That was all. That was the first hurdle. Why was this so hard?

“Kei?” Akaashi spoke softly.

“I’m f-fine. It’s just…”

“We can always change the plans, Kei,” Tadashi said. Kei smiled a little. It had taken forever before Tadashi was comfortable enough to use his first name, calling him ‘Tsuki’ out of habit since they’d met.

Kei took a deep breath and let it out, wiping away the tears that had fallen. “No. I’m going to do this. I have to. It’s just, it’s harder than I expected, even after all this time.”

Turning back, he faced the door again. It was almost within reach, he just needed a few more steps forward. Bolstered by his friends, Kei took those steps and laid a shaky hand on the door. He’s not here, he’s not here, he’s not here. The internal chant echoed through his mind. Tetsu wasn’t here; he knew that. He'd always known that. Still…

With what felt like Herculean effort, he pushed open the door. Inside, the first person he saw was his mom, standing there with her hands folded up in front of her face, looking at him with worried eyes and a shaky smile.

“Welcome home, lil bro,” he heard Akiteru say. He was leaning against the wall near the kitchen. “About time you got here.”

“Yeah, well, I was busy,” Kei replied sarcastically as he slowly crossed the threshold into the house. He went up to his mom. “I’m home,” was all he said, and the next thing he knew, she was holding him tight.

“Welcome home, son,” she said softly. They stayed that way for a few more minutes, and then she pushed back and smiled. “I made some rice balls for you and your friends. Dinner is going to be sukiyaki.”

“Thanks, mom,” he said. He looked back at Akaashi and Tadashi, who had come in quietly behind him.

“You did it, Kei,” Akaashi said as he took his shoes off and put on a pair of slippers. “The first hurdle has been crossed.”

“Now, for the rest of them,” Kei replied. “Should be easier. I hope.”

“There’s no rush,” Akiteru said sternly, but he was grinning. “Take your time. If you can’t get through your plans today, we have tomorrow, or the next day… etcetera, etcetera.”

Kei snorted. “Right. You just want me out of your place.”

There was a split second where no one said anything. Had he spoken too sharply? That was something else he’d been working on; not sniping at anyone. “Ni-san, I’m…”

“It’s fine,’ his brother assured him, waving off the apology. “I know you didn’t mean it the way it sounded. I know you’re trying.”

“Do you want to look around, first?” Mom asked after he’d finished putting on his own slippers.

“Has anything really changed?” There was another brief pause. A few tears slipped down his face. “Damnit, I’m sorry.” He finally realized he was sniping to protect himself again. “Please forgive me, mom.”

She just smiled, and cradled his face in her hands. “There’s nothing to forgive, Kei. I know what you’re doing. We all do. This is going to be one of the hardest things you’ve set for yourself to do, and we’re here to help you. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Answering your question, not really. I’ve moved the furniture around, just for something different. It’s still the same home you’ve always known. But…”

“But…?”

She fidgeted a little. “I aired out your room, and the guest room. I cleaned up a bit. I couldn’t leave it as you left it. I wanted to make it easier for you when you finally came home.”

“Thank you. I’m not sure I could’ve handled it if it still looked like he’d only just left…” his voice trailed away. “Do you mind if I go there first?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” He looked back at Akaashi and Tadashi. “Do you mind coming with me?”

“Not at all,” Akaashi said, stepping up behind Tadashi. “Lead the way.”