Forgotten Refugee

Looking back at my youth

I was content

Without dead knowledge

I was young, without time



Now I am sorrowful

Those days have long passed

Sadness and loss.



The great days of my youth

They were full of expectation.

The great journey that was before me then

Happiness was in store for me.



Na Laetha Geal M’Oige (English translation from the original Gaelic)

Sung by Enya, lyrics by Roma Ryan.







The sound of soft footfalls from behind Erestor alerted him to another’s presence and had the effect of startling him out of his memories. It was Glorfindel, the blond-haired Elda fell into step at Erestor’s side as he continued his walk through the beautiful gardens of Imladris. The air was filled with the sweet scent of flowers in full bloom and the evening sun beat down gently upon their backs as they walked.



At first they walked without any conversation, both feeling the need for companionable silence on such a summer’s day.



Erestor was genuinely wary around many of the inhabitants of Imladris, unable to find comfort in the presence of other elves, many of whom had not felt the enormity of loss that Erestor had, or if indeed they had many still had relatives to comfort them, unlike Erestor. He had never felt this way when it came to Glorfindel, feeling that he had much common ground with the ancient elf lord for both had lost a home that was special, beautiful and irreplaceable and both had suffered much sorrow and grief at it’s destruction at evil hands.



After awhile Glorfindel broke the silence that had encompassed them for the last fifteen minutes or so. “You still miss it, do you not, Eregion? It tears at your heart as effectively as a foe’s blade?” Glorfindel asked finally finding the courage to broach the delicate subject he wished to find out more about.



Erestor sighed but resisted his initial reaction of cutting Glorfindel off with a well aimed cutting remark, after all that would be running away and it was time that he stopped fleeing from his past, as painful as it undoubtedly was.



“Yes, the past still hurts! Memories of Eregion’s destruction still haunt me and my sleep is still plagued with nightmares of the worse kind. Guilt plagues my existence, by rights I should be dead with the rest of them; Celebrimbor and his nobles. But I survived where they should have, all due to Elrond’s intervention…an intervention that he still suffers for…lots of biting comments by the all so righteous Celeborn and Galadriel for they had spent a number of years in Eregion themselves and it is rumoured that she had a special place in her heart for Celebrimbor as he had for her. It is the worst kind of guilt, a survivor’s guilt. Somedays I wish that Elrond had left me wandering next to the charred ruin that was my home…left me for the orcs or grief to finish me off.”



“But then where would we be? We would never have had the privilege of having such a brilliant and expert seneschal and no doubt Elrond’s life would have been less content without his foster son. You must never think like that Erestor, although you have lost all of your family, we are your family now. Elrond looks on you as one of his sons, the twins look on you as another brother and I look on you as a trusted friend and companion, we all love you as such, the past is the past my friend the present is all that matters and the future…is unwritten, something to live for.”





Erestor sighed and sat down on the soft, green grass, Glorfindel silently joined him. “I still miss them you know; Sadron and his wife they were all the family I had, the parents I never knew.”



“Do you think that the dead we have loved ever leave us, their influence and memory is with you now, and someday when the day comes that you must finally leave Middle-Earth and sail to Valinor you will see them once more, of that I have no doubt.”



“I suppose it is a comfort.” Erestor said feeling lighter and slightly more carefree at this statement, turning to face the other elf he found himself wanting to ask him about Gondolin for he never had enquired about it. He had always assumed that like himself, Glorfindel would be reluctant to discuss a memory that was traumatic, and deeply painful.



“What about yourself, Glorfindel? Is the destruction of the hidden realm still as painful or has time helped ease the pain?”



Glorfindel was deeply unhappy about the way this conversation was starting to turn he like Erestor did not like to dwell on the destruction of his old home. The purpose of this conversation was to help Erestor bury his demons and finally move on, not to mention that it had the added benefits of allowing the elder elf the chance to get to know the mysterious elf better, and to satisfy his own curiosity about Erestor’s past… especially the bits that Elrond tactfully left out or would not tell him. But since Glorfindel had forced Erestor to reveal his feeling about Eregion, Glorfindel felt that in return he deserved to have an answer.



“It does!” he answered truthfully. “And like you my dreams are still haunted by the ruin of one of, if not the most beautiful elven realms to ever be built on Middle-Earth. Also, my long sojourn in Mando’s halls has helped ease the pain and I received help and guidance from the sister of the Feanturi, Nienna, she alone understands the full burden of sorrow and grief and as a consequence she knows best how to heal those who are maimed by it. By the time I finally left the halls of awaiting, almost all of my emotional wounds had healed over, leaving me with faint scars that are less painful than the previous open wounds.”



Erestor nodded his understanding and once again silence reigned between the two for some time until Glorfindel once again, as before, broke it having finally mustered the courage to ask a question that had plagued him for some time since he had spoken to Elrond.



“What of your parents, Erestor?”



“My mother’s name was Celebrin, a Telerin elf, who was renowned as a great healer having had a natural talent for the art from a young age. She loved her job and had a caring and loving nature. She had spent her childhood in the havens, Eglarest, before its destruction by orcs. She was still quite young when Eglarest was destroyed and had not attained her majority. She then went with Cirdan and the remnants of his people to the Isle of Balar where she dwelled for a long time, and then apparently she left and moved on to…I do not know where, because Sadron, her brother, said that he had disliked her decision to leave Balar and at that point in the tale he left off saying that it brought back bad memories of her foolishness and death.”



“What about your father? Surely you must know something about him?” Glorfindel questioned.



“No…I don’t!” Erestor stated flatly.



This answer surprised Glorfindel, he had thought that Erestor would know something of his father. This piece of information caused Glorfindel’s curiosity to increase tenfold and he determined to find Elrond and ask him outright...he obviously knew something. The blond elf had tried to avoid asking his old friend outright because he was fairly sure that Elrond would not tell him and then proceed to tell him that he had absolutely no right to know.



The two sat in contemplation for some time before Erestor suddenly rose to his feet. “I must go Glorfindel, it is not long to dinner time and I must fulfil my allotted duties and see to the servers.” With this said the mysterious elf turned his back on Glorfindel and made his way back towards the house.



Glorfindel sat for sometime after Erestor had left. Erestor’s past chasing about in his head…Elrond.



It all came back to Elrond.



Smiling a devious smile, Glorfindel rose and headed back towards the house and dinner.



Tonight…he would ask him tonight.