There and Gone Again

Alexandra -- who everyone called Alex because it was so preciously unisex -- awoke in Middle Earth. Due to her persistent negative attitude about life in general, she supposed that presently she’d be either eaten by orcs or smooched by a dwarf. Whatever: she was pretty sure she wouldn't be wooed by any hawt elves. Ergo, she decided to off herself immediately and therefore save herself -- and the poor slops who would have read her boring misadventures in hopes of scorching pron sightings -- the irritation of it all.

She jumped off the falls at the Argonath.

The End.