[NancyBrooke]

I was inspired by the recent shouting in the shoutbox to think about non-dysfunctional Thanksgivings. Are their such things? I always figured that getting together with your family and friends in an unavoidably pressurized situation (cooking for lots of people, itchy clothes, table cloths etc.) was going to have its quirks and foible-issitude.

Anyone want to share a story about their quirky family? Any particularly idiosyncratic family traditions? You non-Thanksgiving celebrating folks can certainly chime in too with your own particularly odd national holidays.

For example, in my family, it's just not a gathering without re-arranging the furniture and having too many dogs lying about in the way. I don't know why it is but there's always that chair that should come in from the other room for Aunt Alice, extra leaves that have to go in the table, other electric ovens that need to come up from the basement etc. It's a very physically active occasion - good thing too since then we do all that eating! Then, later, we have the joy of putting it all back into every day order.

Actually it's fun; I get to spend quality time with my dad moving stuff around and be useful keeping out of the kitchen where my Mom and Sister are already getting steamed! A good time is had by all I assure you.

And, more generally, around this part of the world (Chesapeake Bay region and Baltimore) we always have Oysters for appetizer and sourkraut with the meal. The Oysters I get, but don't ask me what the deal is with the sourkraut, I have no clue (and am happy in my ignorance).

Happy Holidays, all.

[sindohte]

I think there are just different degrees of dysfunctional. Hopefully folks aren't having a holiday that involves something crazy like throwing a turkey, like one of my relatives did a few years back.

Thanksgiving tends to be a low key affair in my household. Dad does all of the cooking and mom makes the mashed potatoes. I'm an only child so it's just the three of us at the dinner table. Later on in the day we go over to one of my aunts' houses and spend time with more relatives over there.

Personally I have found Thanksgiving to be depressing in some ways. My grandmother and my dad's brother have both been dead for at least 15+ years. Their absence at the dinner table just reminds me of the fragility of life. Certainly I am thankful this particular Thanksgiving, because my father nearly died shortly after Christmas 2003 from an illness and I didn't think he would be around to celebrate his 50th wedding anniversary, much less Thanksgiving and God willing, Christmas.

Nancy, it must be a Maryland sort of thing, because one of my aunts has fried oysters as part of the Thanksgiving meal. But then again, she basically has everything - roasted turkey, deep fried turkey, barbequed spare ribs, ham, roast beef, fried chicken, collards, mashed and sweet potatoes, macaroni and cheese, green beans, and the list goes on and on. Then there is the rice pudding that one of my relatives makes. My mother is so obsessed with that particular dish that she always has to take some home with her

P.S. - We have sauerkraut as well for dinner, which I cannot stand. I think it must be about honoring some type of German tradition.

[Yavanie]

This is the first year (in 12) that I have hosted turkey day at my home. We usually travel to the inlaws far away. Anyway, in the last year so much has changed that this year it is just my family and my mom and dad in law. I didn't embarass myself by cooking a turkey: bought one already smoked and cooked alll the sides to go with it. Didn't go all out like we would have if we'd had the whole crowd but it turned out well and not too stressful.

The only real debate is whether or not to serve the pumpkin pie with maple syrup on it. My husband's family is from Vermont, for those not familiar it is where maple syrup is made and loved. Anyway, as much as I like maple syrup I don't want it on my pumpkin pier. But then they laugh at me because I always make an extra pie and I make them the day before - the extra one if for breakfast on thanksgiving morning.

I could eat one of those pies all by myself. Anyway, another tradition comes from my family. When I was very small my mother's uncle, a very learned professor at a major university complete with white hair and beard, distinguished bow tie and cane, would come for the holiday but because he had lingering health problems it was the only day of the year that he could eat what he wanted. He loved my mother's cooking (he was childless and had no other family and adored her) so she would make at least 6 different deserts. When time came to rattle off the list of derserts and ask him which he would have he always said "yes, please!". So now we serve "yes, please" plates for desert that have a small sample of everything on them in Uncle John's memory. He died when I was six but I still think of him every thanksgiving at desert time!LOL

[SilverMoonLady]

Well, for the first time since I met my husband (7 years ago), we did not drive 7 hours down to the Carolinas to be with his extended family... It was a little strange, to say the least:) It was always an interesting experience, pack kids, Xmas presents and pillows into the car and go in the middle of the night; have an exhausted breakfast at the cool aunt's house and then troop over to pack everyone into the grandfather's little house and have a *lot* of food on tv trays sprawled out in every room... And then head over to the grandmother's house and do the same thing!
This time, it was just us and my in-laws (who live nearby), and my mom (who is visiting from overseas), and it was nice and quiet (or as quiet as it can be with three kids high on pie and cranberry sauce!)

[inglor]

This year was different for us (My wife and I) in an unusual way. This year her family came over to my parents house and had dinner. Mom had all the silver out and it was a grand affair. Ate our collective faces off. Then, the next day, we all packed up and drove an hour to my father inlaw's hobby farm, ate more turkey, etc. and then had a bon fire.

My question is, do any of you have a problem deciding which inlaws get to host the dinner. There was some contention this year as to whose house was going to host it. I had to finally dictate where we were going. Mother inlaw wanted it at her house, Mom wanted it at hers. Dad's b'day fell on Thanksgiving this year so in my mind, my parents had the trump card, wifeypoo didn't see it that way. Mom invited inlaws over too. There was some contention about wife's family wanting her mother's THanksgiving so finally I had to say, "Daughter and I are going to my parent's house, I hope you will come too..." After much huffing and discussion, we went to Mom's house. As it turned out, they enjoyed it...

On to Christmas and another round of which grandmother gets the priveledge of hosting the festivities

It shouldn't be this friggin tough...

Inglor

[SilverMoonLady]

Hmm... I think I'd rather argue over which one to go to than not have the choice, but I'm in a rather unique position: my fam is overseas....
But that is horridly stressful, to have to choose... No one wants to offend...

[Yavanie]

We sort of have had it easy the last 11 years. As my in-laws live furthest away we have always spent Thanksgiving with them because that is when kids and work have the longest break, usually the whole week pluse both weekends. If we're gonna have to drive 12 hours we are staying long enough to justify it. Then Christmas at my family's house, especially since my two sisters have usually done the same deal, spending Thanksgiving with their in-laws. This year much has changed and siblings have moved, our grandparents are now gone. My parents went to my older sister's out of state and for the first time I hosted Turkey day. It was just my parents in-law and us so it was real low key. Christmas will be at my parents, which is good because my husband's bachelor uncle has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer so my inlaws will be dealing with his affairs this year.

The big problem is next year. We now have a house, the kids have friends and are in 2 different school with 2 different schedules, hubby's work has changed, he is now on the international team and his holidays are sometimes shorter. We want to host christmas here next year but then what do we do Thanksgiving and we only have one guest room and we each have siblings and parents? I think I would take Inglor's approach, leave it to the "head" of the family and make a decision that tries to accomodate everyone, then invite them to join you in your decision. Way to go Iglore!!! We have always spent New Year's alone as a family, just us and the kids. That way we do have some time for each other and we know the kids will fall asleep before midnight, as least for a few more years.

[Viv]

[ilistine]

It shouldn't be this friggin tough...

Inglor


Truly, I agree. My hubby and I used to beg his parents to come over to my parents' house on Thanksgiving so we would only have to have one, and because my parents' host a much more fun day with all my same aged cousins and all the guys go out and play street football while waiting for the pie to be sliced, hubby prefered my parents' house over his.

But a few years back my in-laws decided they didn't like that idea any more and so we would have to go to both parties. This year hubby told his parents we were only going to eat at my parent's house. But alas we ended up over at his anyways. Had our typical dysfunctional issues over there and then he took me to the movies to make up for it all. My parents let our kids spend the night. I think I wanna make that an annual tradition!

And we solved the Christmas dinner fiasco by deciding to have it at our house. I don't mind this one iota. It is much simpler than trying to go to each set of parents-in-laws. They either come over for dinner or not. And we don't have to drive anywhere or limit our time in any way.

Keek

[Lenale]

We don't celebrate Thanksgiving in the Netherlands (we do have Sinterklaas, which is a whole different story), so our 'family days' are around Christmas.

My parents are divorced, and my boyfriend's parents too... Not to mention my stepdad has his birthday on Christmas Day and I sing in a church choir. So our schedule will be something like
Christmas Eve - eat at my dad's, sing
Christmas morning - breakfast with s.o., sing (already tired )
Remainder of Christmas day - visit mum's relatives, celebrate stepdad's birthday
Day after christmas - visit boyfriend's mum

Which means his dad will get left out. I wonder how we're going to fix that...

[SpaceWeavil]

We don't celebrate Thanksgiving either in the UK, so our 'big family time' is around Christmas, and in Scotland, around New Year. We've never had much of a 'which-ouse' crisis that I remember. I'm not married and never have been, so I always just go to my parents' house, and when I still had grandparents, they used to come to us, so there was no argument. We got away with that though because my uncle is house-bound and can't really leave the village without making himself ill, so coming five minutes up the road to our house was easier than going to Stirlingshire.

All my grandparents are now dead, and my uncle has grown much worse health-wise (three heart attacks two years ago), so he now doesn't come to our house at Christmas. I still go over to mum and dad's, and my mum's best friend (whom I can't stand) comes over to help with the preparation, which annoys me a little since I used to do that. It also annoys dad as he hates the friend and the friend hates him. That is our only 'dysfunctional' area. After Christmas dinner though I now have the excuse of taking dinner down to uncle's cottage to cook for him, so I get to escape while mum and her friend sit and veg in front of the TV, whereas before I would have to sit and endure constant jibes about what a worthless, ugly waste of space I was. (as I said, I hate the woman).

New Year is more of a big deal, since we're in Scotland, but mum and dad usually go away for Hogmanay and New Year's Day. This year they're off to Liverpool on one of these 'new year break' package holiday thingies. I'm going to go with them and spend new year with them for the first time in something like ten years. So should be interesting.

Since I don't drink though, there is usually nothing for me to do around New Year

[NancyBrooke]

[Yavanie]

Thanksgiving if officially over!!! the last of the leftovers and the remains of the turkey are now TURKEY SOUP! Okay, I know that may be a dreaded tradition in some households but we look forward to the last of the leftovers as soup every year.

On the planning the next big gathering!

[DarkElfChilde]

I don't want to think about turkey anymore; we still have some left here and my mom's thinking of making something with it...pot pie...or turkey salad, something along the lines there. Thanksgiving went fine here by the way, no one fought with each other. Speaking of fighting, in the news, I don't remember where, but this family member stabbed his other family members because they were complaining about his strange eating habits, and well, that's some thanksgiving that they won't forget, and I bet they won't invite him or complain about how he eats anymore at the table.

- DEC

[DreadLadyFreya]