[Robbie]

Firstly a public apology to the poor user who got the blunt end of my sense of humour, but I've got a cold and not feeling too well. Hopefully you know it's all tongue in cheek - and I was bored.

But still, so you can all sympathise with her and tell us what bad little admins we are, here's our e-mail conversation.

************

Scooby wrote:

> I see all the stars on fics and I have a couple
> authors I want to vote for but I can not figure out ow
> to do it. I did not see any instructions either.
>

Dear Mr Doo,

We sincerely apologise for making the rating system so obscure - if you can suggest any ways in which the system can be improved, please do not hesitate to let us know.

Firstly, we should indicate that the rating system is really seriously used by anyone at all. There have been cases where stories have been rated by friends, family, pets, passing aliens and even the authors themselves. We spend a great deal of time catching those little squirts who insist on registering under two names purely to give there own little stories a boost - yet all those who know the system go off personal recommendations instead.

Anyhow, I digress (not that I ever really started answering your question yet, anyway. That will come later..) If you really like a story, and wish to make it more obvious to future readers, the best way of doing this is by leaving a review. Most readers will go to the review section first to see what others feel about the story, and a good set of reviews will attract the readers far more than the stupid little stars. Don't leave a review that is TOO glowing, though, as it becomes blatantly obvious that the review is more of a suck-up than a genuine one. And no one likes a suck-up unless it comes with a curly straw.

OK, let's now assume you can suss out how to actually leave a review. (A hint, just in case you're stuck, it's right next to where you rate a story. So I guess, at this point in the dialogue, we're still screwed.) But, back to this Oscar-speech, monologue, waffle, instruction manual, diatribe etc, and we were just going to suggest the recommended stories box. As you can only select 10 recommended stories, many readers will use this as a more accurate guide than the ratings. So, you should add those stories you really really really really like to the recommended reading list.

You can find the link to add the story to your recommended reading list right beneath the place where you rate the story. Goddamnit.

We’ll need to rethink our strategy here a little bit.

OK, let’s find this place where you rate a story. You should notice that we call it “rate” and not “vote” incidentally. It’s not an election to see which story wins, or which author is the most popular. It’s more of a way of indicating your view in a very lazy manner (as we said above – a review is by far the best way to go).

And another point we should make at this stage. Please don’t “vote” for the “authors”. You rate a story. The ratings are a way of knowing which stories are good, not in electing a particular author to the realm of Kingdom (or Queendom) in FanFicland.

Also, even if you leave a “vote” then it’s a bit meaningless without the aforementioned review. Whilst a rating of “5” is a nice slap on the back, a critical review along the lines of “Oh, I really liked your story, the narrative was genuinely awe-inspiring and I was totally immersed in the way in which you handled that tricky part where the bridge fell down” then you’ll get much more appreciation from the author. As we said earlier, do stop short of adding, “I’d love to have your puppies” or people will know you are not being serious or that you are being a curly straw.

But, right, how to rate stories.

Firstly, you need to be a member of the OSA site. (OSA = Open Scrolls Archive = openscrolls.net). We’ll assume at this point that you are Jess and not really a cartoon dog hooked on drugs with a handler that should never have been let out of rehab either, and you are already a member. If not, click on the “register” button, complete all those little boxes with information and click the button at the bottom that is not marked “cancel”. Follow the instructions and very shortly you’ll be a member of OSA. Scooooby-dooby-dooooooo!

But, as I said, you appear to be a member already. So now you need to log on. You do this by clicking on “log on” in the little menu at the top. (Note, this assumes you are using a mouse. If you are using a keyboard, press TAB until the words “log on” are circled in a little dotted line and then press “Enter” - that’s the big key just above the shift key on the right hand side of your keyboard. If you are using a screen reader, press Insert+F7, type “log” and press the same “Enter” key). Fill in your details, password, press “Wammo” (not literally, you understand, but so long as you press the button that is not “cancel” then you’re in business).

Right, we are now hopefully logged on to the site. Hopefully, at this point, you are able to suss out how to get back to that story you really love and want to “vote” for. At this stage, it would be worth reading the story once more just to make sure you really want your name to be plastered all over the story. Read it twice, just to be sure. You should also consider leaving a review. But we said that earlier.

Right, you’ve read the story, and you’re still raring to go. You have, at this point, to decide what rating you wish to give the story. You have 5 choices:
- “Needs a few tweaks”. This is a very gentle kick in the teeth. There are some stories, however, where the authors do deserve a gentle rapping around the skull with a baseball bat (in a metaphorical sense) but use it sparingly. It takes a lot of guts to post a story into the public domain. Any critique worth his or her salt will always leave a review when leaving a bad rating. A helpful review indicates the tweaks that are required as well as the good points in the story. We wish to assist budding authors to improve. Scathing reviews along the lines of “This story is crap, I’ll never have your puppies in a million years” are not helpful, however, and will result in the site admins coming down on you like a ton of bricks.
- “Worth reading”. This is a slightly less forceful and more gentle nudge in the teeth. It’s a common way of saying “Not tripe, but I wouldn’t give it the time of day”.
- “Very enjoyable”. Now we’re talking. A “very enjoyable” is good. It indicates that you liked the story and that you consider it to be, well, very enjoyable.
- “Excellent”. Let’s consider you’re back at school. You know how your teacher sometimes gives a 10/10 and puts “v.good” (or v.g. if they are lazy). Well it’s not quite a the same as “10/10 excellent. Half a house-point for Slytherin”. Excellent is to say that a story really stands out from the others.
- “Worth paying for”. You’d be happy to pay money to read this story. Please note that if you select this category, then you are free to donate to the site to keep OSA running. OSA runs purely on the time and effort of the admins (in answering silly e-mails, fixing bugs and other such stuff) as well as the generosity of those who think that the site is “Worth paying for”. If you select “worth paying for” please put your money where your mouse is (get it, “where your mouse is” as opposed to “mouth”? Ooh, that’s a good one. Please excuse myself whilst I finish pissing in my pants.).

Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.

That’s better.

OK, yeah, if you select “worth paying for” please visit the front page and click on either of the “Donate” buttons on the right-hand side and help keep this site running for a little bit longer. At this rate, the site will run out of money before we’ve finished this e-mail.

But, once you’ve decided what rating you wish to give to a story, you can now progress to do it. Now, hopefully your computer is still turned on, you are still connected to the Internet (yes, we know you’ve got Broadband and you’re always connected – well so are we, so let’s not get too uppity about it.) and that you are at the end of the story you wish to rate. But to actually rate the story, what you need to do is [ERROR 123403: Error in sendmail: message exceeded maximum length]























Only kidding.

Anyhow, at the bottom of each story, you’ll see a combo-box and a button marked “rate”. Select your rating in the combo-box, and click on the rate button. Simple as that. Hopefully the attached animation will help as it bloody well took us long enough to do it for you.



Then leave a review.

We trust that answered your question. If you have any issues with our support services, please do not hesitate to call 1 800 openscrolls.

[DreadLadyFreya]

Robbo, you truly are evil and should be destroyed.



Don't ever change!

[Robbie]

Just to clarify - her screen name is not Jess OR Scooby or any part or combination there of.

Although, I must admit, when you send a support e-mail, PLEASE let us know who it is we're dealing with. Many of you use your main e-mail addresses or alternative yahoo addresses etc. I'm probably the only regular on this board using their real name - there is no point in hiding it. It's easy to find people's real names, but it would save us a bit of time if you provided your screen name when writing to support.

We do, of course, completely respect the privacy and would not identify anyone by name without their permission - even posting the above is pushing it a bit - but I just want the member to know it was light-hearted and not intended to be cruel.

[Rous]

I am sure they understood that.