[eresse]

I'm attempting to revamp a fic I wrote, in the hope to desueifiy it... what basically happened is I went back and read it, then fell off my chair and bashed my head on the desk in shame at the sueness. Anyway, I'm trying to rewrite it so that it's better... and I'm posting the newer version (which will hopefully be better) here.

But I was wondering: If anyone has any time and is willing to give honest concrit, could they just check it out and give me honest feedback? You don't have to read all of it (but if you want to that's cool too) but basically just let me know if there are things that I could defiantly improve.

It's at ff.net currently... http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2311303/1/

I'm really looking for honest feedback, because I'm not happy with it and it needs work.

Thanks,

-Eressë.

[MITAQ]

It's pretty good, it just moves WAAAAAAAAY too fast in the beginning. Expand the first few chapters up intil the skiztofrenia (I know I spelled that horribly) and delay the romance a bit.

Other than that, it's great in my opinion!

[eresse]

Yeah, I definately needed to slow down the romance part more. It was seriously bugging me. Plus alot of my chapters were really short. Oh well, thanks for taking the time to comment!

-Eressë.