[ArtanisOrangeBlossom]

to catch everyone up i think this is going to have to go waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy back.


----allright it all started back when i stopped churning out chapters for Heaven. I hit a massive bit of writer's block that i STILL haven't gotten over. I've been trying my hand at rock-n-roll fanfiction (Great site by the name of www.rockfic.com that i'm a part of) to give myself something different to focus on.

I've managed a few ficlets for different bands on there (if you want to see them pm me. You have to join Rockfic to read...and you have to be 18 or over) and they've gotten minimal reviews.

But I wrote them for ME. And i'm damned proud of them, as i should be. I went through a very dark period of time not to long ago. Before the rockfic stuff (i joined in May. Right after my birthday) I started feeling...well...depressed is the word honestly.

But i've been depressed before and that wasn't it. *shrugs* I wasn't writing ANYTHING, I couldn't even come up with half decent plot lines. I was barely getting witty comebacks, i actually took a 2 1/2 week break from most computer contact. I checked my email and that was it. I spent the rest of the time reading, sleeping, actually hanging out with my friends.

Amazingly enough it worked! But i was still depressed, confused actually after leaving school. Zee and a few others know what i was going through because we're in a group together on Yahoo! Groups. Sadly enough i didn't come to you guys (i'm sorry) but i have gotten through that.

-----i hadn't told my friends anything, but my mom sent a copy of the email i sent 2 groups to my friends who have continually checked in on me. Something for which I will be eternally grateful. So i went to the beach in May, and then to Panama City Beach Florida in June with my youth group.

In the 3rd week of June my great grandma grew ill. I'm not sure if it was cancer or simply something else. There's no telling. But later on in July...she got very much more worse and then passed away before i had a chance to say goodbye.

She was an amazing person, she helped me foster the entire love of reading and writing that I have today. If it wasn't for her i would have never even thought to write. So we were close. She had read any and everything i had ever written (well save anything that had sex scenes lol....not that i've written them)

So it's been hard without her. I was actually left with her diary from her childhood and young adult hood along with some letters from her directly to me. very inspiring.

It's gotten me writing tentaively again and sadly enough it's not on Heaven....although i did get a few paragraphs that i didn't utterly hate written on it. Thank the lord.

So i think that's everything.....*sighs* I thought that I should post here and let you guys know. I didn't forget you i just....i've been kind of scarce with other places. So again---I'm sorry. I love you guys.

[Alassante]

I am so sorry you are going through so much. Depression is never easy no matter the reason. Add that to a big life change (graduating from HS) as well as mourning your great grandmother it makes sense you are struggling. Graduation from HS is good and bad but either way you look at it, it is a big life altering event. Don't stress about writers block. It will clear in time and since you write for enjoyment, stressing to write doesn't do you any good. Just take it easy and remember to take care of yourself.

Luv ya hon!

[ArtanisOrangeBlossom]

Thanks Al

[Elentari]

It is always hard to loose someone you love. I hope you find your strength. Don't punish yourself, k. We'll be giving you what strength we can.

[SilverMoonLady]

We are glad to see you back, dear! I wish you strength and clarity to navigate the tough times you've been facing.

[Shanalir]

Just wanted to address one thing in particular: You have nothing to be sorry for. Yes, we missed you, but we all have times when real life is more than we can manage and we simply don't have the time, interest or energy to do anything else. And depression is no light matter. (Been through that one.) All in all, you have nothing to apologise for. Sometimes things just come up, and we all understand that. (I just wanted to be sure you're not going to beat yourself up on that little detail. ) What really matters is that you're doing better, and feeling well enough and interested enough to be able to come and let us know what's going on.

[ArtanisOrangeBlossom]

*hugs Elentari, SilverMoonLady, and Shanalir tightly*


thanks so much you guys.....


--don't worry Shanalir i won't beat myself up.