[Sulriel]

[Sulriel]

[quote="Sulriel"]

[Rhapsody]

[Sulriel]

[vladazhael]

I'm late, as always, but this is an interesting topic that I've actually thought about on my own quite a bit, especially every time I see something about a writer's significant other not liking some aspect of what they do (especially smut). Personally, my main problem (once I managed to break the "hey, guess what I've been doing on the interweb" ice) has always been getting my boyfriend-type-person to read something all the way through so I can get what I need from him - feedback from a perspective that matches my own but comes from the outside. Granted, we have a strange relationship to begin with ("Most people don't 'get' me and Zoe right away..." - Wash, 'Firefly'), so I don't expect that to be much of an example to anyone, but I think it goes to show that there is always going to be some level of miscommunication (large or small) between a writer and his/her mate. What form that mismatched point of view takes really depends on the people involved. It's not like I share what I do here with my coworkers (who would be puzzled, at best), or even with many of my RL friends (though several of the closer ones are content to know that I dabble in something I casually refer to as "elf smut", and they leave it at that - except one, who's here ). But it's nice to have forged a balance with the man who shares my computer room that allows me to occasionally solicit the opinion of someone not immersed in fanfic but suitably immersed in my own mindset, and allows him to feel he can be involved (or not) if he chooses rather than spend his time wondering what the hell I'm doing with all those notebooks. Like several have said, I think it's the opportunity to participate that counts to our mates/partners/loveslaves/etc. more than the participation itself.

Long story short - right on, Neume! Sounds like you stood up for yourself and still reached out to help him understand, which in my (humble...?) opinion is the best way you can deal with such issues.

[Haleth]

As always I'm a day late, a dollar short and the odd one out.

My husband was directly responsible for my writing fanfiction. The first fanfic story I ever wrote grew out of a midnight conversation about smart alec elves walking on the surface of snow while everyone else slogged through it and how surprised I was when no one threatened to push the elf off the side of the cliff. (You probably have to be Canadian to understand.)

Since then he's spawned...I mean given me countless ideas for plot twists and complications.

On rare occasions he'll read one of my stories, but only if it's smut. (So he doesn't voluntarily read very many.)

I'm very lucky because he's not only supportive, he also helps.

[Viv]

Late but succint:

El Hubbino really likes the idea that his wife writes porn.

Sometimes it's all in how you frame the thing.

[NeumeIndil]

[MysteriousWays]

I was wondering how this matter was sorting out. Most positive of you to open up on the matter to gain insight. I think that has been one of the best blessings of my getting involved with online social groups.

[NeumeIndil]

The perspective was certainly helpful. I suppose I should update:

He read my (only?) G rated fic over his vacation to Cali. and enjoyed it, but didn't pick up that what happened to Aragorn in it wasn't of my making. He knows little to nothing of canon, and it affected how he understood the piece. The next step, I think, is to introduce him to canon before handing him anything else, since that little fluff piece needs far less background than most of my other (epic length!) stories. He did give me an honest opinion and wasn't at all harsh about it which was a little more than I expected, making me guilty of underestimating him yet again. We'll chalk it up to learning and move on from here, I guess.

[MysteriousWays]

And it really can pay off to open up to someone near to you when you are most leary of doing so. For starters there is freedom in it. I remember when I first got into LOTR and then writing fan fiction. I did tell my family what I was doing but I down played it at first. They would have thought I was nuts for spending so much time on it and back then it was pretty much a full time job.

I didn't used to have much self confidence. I spent a lot of time trying to be what I thought others would approve of. I wasn't completely myself with anyone though I was close to being that with my husband and a friend.

LOTR is most important to me because it helped me to find my way to stop worrying what others thought of me. I let myself be myself more and more, and the response I got was that people liked me more. My in-laws who all made me very self consious because I was as different from them about as much as anyone could be, were laughing at things that I said. My mother-in-law tells me how much she respects and likes me, I am her most favored daughter-in-law.

My own family I never felt respected me much. I think they all thought I was a bit flakey. My mother sort of imposed her own self esteem issues on me and whenever I have tried to break free it has always startled her and she was unsure. My older sister started to listen to me more. I even got her sucked into my prefered forum at the time. She told me how much I made her laugh and told our younger sister as well. I then opened up on fan fiction to her and she expressed great admiration for my work and started to write herself. My mom, who's initial view of fan fiction was that she thought it a shame to spend so much time on something I would never be paid for, has never read what I have written but had a male friend who asked if he could. He told her he was impressed and that was enough for her.

My husband has maybe read one or two of my stories. He is supportive of my writing and most impressed. He likes to hear me talk about it. Early on I told him that I was not sure I wanted him to read but I was willing to talk if he wanted to and he said it mattered not to him. I think the reason he does not read is because in a way, my writing is a second romantic relationship. He doesn't want to read of "my" romantic exploits with another.

It took a long time to be able to trust those nearest to me with my fan fiction but your right, it is really nice to be able to have an admirer there in person, to give a hug to when you have done well.

I for one think you are growing and learning very quickly. It really is most impressive for me to be able to witness this and I feel like I am learning right along with you. so Thank you

MysteriousWays- Sometimes I remember to leave these witty little tag lines. Sometimes I don't

[Senta]

I'm single but have never hidden from my friends that I write LOTR fanfiction.Most are bored or amused,while others think being able to write is something to be admired.

One "friend" though got hold of a chapter of one of my stories, denounced it as "disgusting and disgraceful" and as bad as writing fiction about the Queen! Soon after she announced she did not wish to speak to me again.

I have to admit, I heaved a huge sigh of relief !

i showed the same story to another friend, rather alarmed that it had provoked such a reaction and she found it highly amusing and could not stop laughing

[Rhapsody]

My brother knows and has a fascination of dwarves (but more an RPG interest), but basically it's nothing to get all exciting about when it comes down to my family. It's not something you'd bring up at a birthday party just after you discussed the latest match between Ajax & Feyenoord. Although they are incredibly excited and proud that I do write (but original fic mostly because that is what they get).

My SO introduced me to LOTR, prodding me quite a while to read it because he thought I might like it given my love for Epic Fantasy a lá Jack Vance's Lyonesse trilogy. Now he knows I liked it a bit too much for his taste and is patiently waiting for 3 years now for me to take up interest in something else (and does frequently state that) He's probably dreading the day I pick up Dune and love it as much as I love Tolkien's works. He read all, except for Children of Hurin (which is currently read by me), and owns his own hardback copy of the Silmarillion which I am not allowed to use, given my nature to litter post-its and small slips of paper with notes through it. Books are very important in this household.

And hey Senta , it's great to see you popping up as well!

[trekqueen]

[NeumeIndil]

When it comes to my friends and my fan writing, I've been a little more open but in different ways. One asked me to point her to a few good stories so she could see what I enjoyed and she was pretty impressed by what fan fic authors (on this site of couse) can do. "Way better than Harlequin novels. Why don't they publish stuff like this?" was her exact quote. Another one asked all kinds of questions about where I was registered but ended up not coming here because it's het only and didn't host Harry Potter at the time.

But then there's the guy friend who heard the words "fan fiction" in a sentence and responded by asking "You don't write that crap, do you?"