Never Realizing

Chapter 9 : Perhaps

“Have you ever noticed my lady’s beauty?” Alagos asked Elfaer while they are were at the archery range together. Alagos had found Elfaer there a few hours before, and had asked if he could join him. Ever since, he had kept up a continuous strain of commentary on his favorite significant other.

“Yes, I have.” ‘Shoot me’ Elfaer silently pleaded dryly.

“It shines so clearly through her soul… I suppose even you would see that.” Alagos effortlessly strung anther well-aimed shot and it landed right next to the previous one in the bull’s-eye.

“I would.” Elfaer agreed. ‘It would be so easy…’

“And her humor. Isn’t she always so happy?”

‘Just point and shoot.’

“It is one of the things that I love so much about her.”

‘On second thought, I will shoot you.’

“And between the two of us,” Alagos leaned in and said quietly, “She is a magnificent lover.” He winked.

‘Yes, you shall die. Leave me be.’ Elfaer’s thoughts were morbidly dry and sarcastic as of late, especially toward this particular elf. “Oh really?” Elfaer said aloud. He mentally squashed the image of running Alagos through with a blunt arrow and knew that he would never be able to complete such a task without feeling at least a little guilty.

“Am I boring you?” Alagos asked. “You seem as if you are not all here.”

“Not at all, my friend, I am merely concentrating too hard on my aim.” Elfaer tried not to let the lie show. Alagos either accepted it or decided not to press the topic, for Elfaer soon found himself alone when Alagos slipped away shortly after.

‘No doubt to be with Tathen,’ Elfaer thought sullenly. He strung his bow and loosed an arrow, which flew true into the center of the target. ‘It is for the best,’ Elfaer thought suddenly. ‘Tathen is happy and so is Alagos, and they are both my friends, who I am very fond of and wish the best for.’

“They deserve each other,” he said aloud.

No matter how often he told himself this, he still didn’t like it.

Very soon after Elfaer had made his decision to leave Alagos’ and Tathen’s relationship alone, he realized how hard it would be.

Normally, he spent much time with Tathen, and now, Tathen spent much time with Alagos… Thus, Elfaer found himself in the company of two elves who rarely noticed anyone else other than themselves. Elfaer was used to being invisible, true, but he found Tathen’s company awkward when she was with Alagos. She was a completely different elf when around just him.

And yet, Elfaer was still completely in love with her. Despite the fact that she was fawning all over his friend, he still hoped she would fawn all over him someday. He couldn’t help but dream…

“Elfaer!” Tathen called to Elfaer, who was in his Grandfather’s study. “Elfaer! Oh hello, Thranduil,” she added.

“Good afternoon, my dear girl,” said Thranduil to Tathen, rising and kissing her cheek. “How are you?”

“I am doing fine. May I steal Elfaer for a while?” Tathen asked with a cheeky grin. Her eyes flashed across to Thranduil’s grandson.

“Certainly,” Thranduil replied, ushering Elfaer out the door. Elfaer followed Tathen out the door.

“What were you doing in there?” Tathen asked, looping her arm through Elfaer’s and steering him outside.

“Reading,” Elfaer responded. “Talking, reading more.”

“You talk to people?” Tathen joked, jabbing him in the side with her elbow.

“Thranduil talks… I listen intently,” he clarified with a smile, rubbing his ribs. It was true that Thranduil could talk an elf’s ears off.

“That sounds more like you,” Tathen agreed. She steered them through the streets, chatting lightly along the way of this and that. Elfaer relaxed into the familiarity of the situation, grateful for the first time in months to share some time alone with his friend. He felt, as he had for some time now, the pull of his soul yearning for hers and allowed his mind to wander between the ‘what if’s and ‘maybe’s; between universes they could be together and universes where they could not.

He was brought back to the present when he realized that Tathen was no longer beside him. He turned and saw that she had stopped, and looked incredibly pensive. He sensed her internal conflict and tired to cast through his immediate memory to remember what she had just said. He came up with empty hands.

“What is wrong?” he asked, finally deciding that he would not be able to remember her words.

“I miss you,” Tathen responded, her vision focusing on him.

“I do too, but why now?” Elfaer asked.

“I spend too much time with Alagos, and he is not you,” she replied, simply.

“Do you love him?” Elfaer asked. Suddenly he wished he had not asked the question, for fear of the answer.

“Perhaps…” she answered. “Perhaps not.”

Later that night, as Elfaer prepared to rest, he heard her words again. ‘Perhaps not,’ echoed through his brain, the promise that came with it as strong as ever.

‘Perhaps not…’

His hope was kindled again.