One day in English class

I was trying desperately to resist the urge to hum ’On The Road Again’ as the horse picked its way up a steep slope. I was still giving Legolas the silent treatment, which wasn’t working because he hadn’t said anything to me since last night. I had considered bugging the hell out of him with incessant questions, but settled for silently brooding over the entire situation. I obviously hadn’t woke up in bed and if I pinched myself it hurt. That was the extent of my scientific observation. I hadn’t tried flying yet, under the assumption that if I pinched myself and it hurt, it would really, really hurt when I crash landed. If I crash landed. I have to admit the flying prospect was tempting, but not that tempting.
“There is a pass up ahead, it is by far the shortest route to Rivendell.”
“So…why are we going there again?” I asked, forgetting my vow of silence.
“There is talk of strange happenings, important happenings. My father, Thranduil King of Mirkwood, requests that I be a messenger to Rivendell.”
“Yeah, My dad sends me out to pick up milk and eggs sometimes.” I said trying to make small talk. Hey, silence was boring!
“Where are your parents?” Asked Legolas, turning to watch me.
“At work.” I said automatically, as if it were obvious.
“How did you get into Mirkwood?” He asked, slowly, like I was either stupid or incredibly brave. To me, stupid and brave were one in the same. Brave people are too stupid to be scared. So, I was a little annoyed.
“Damned if I know…”I muttered, brushing a little horse hair off my tang top. “So what’s Rivendell like?” I changed the subject, not in the mood to talk about my mysterious where abouts.
So everything sort of went on like this, me asking stupid questions and him answering.
“How old are you?” I asked as we walked along the path, loose stones scattering under the horses hooves.
“Five hundred.” He said thoughtfully. “But I have long since ceased counting.”
I laughed and smiled, giving him a friendly punch on the shoulder. Wow, so this stiff really did have a sense of humor!
“No, really, I’m serious.”
“So am I.”

~*~

I yawned, stretching and rolling right off the table and onto something squishy and bony.
“Yah!!” I shouted, leaping to my feet. Pippin rolled on his back and groaned, rubbing his eyes.
“Watcha yelling for, Erik?” Merry grumbled from behind me, he sounded like a guy who had gone without his Monday morning dose of caffeine. Poor little hobbits, soda and coffee hadn’t been developed yet.
“Where’s Frodo?”
“Dunno…”Pippin murmured from around my ankles. “Somewhere.…” He mumbled, getting to his feet.
“I hate Mondays.” I muttered, trying to joke with them. They just grunted and stumbled out the door. Right, Garfield jokes, definitely out for the Sunday-comic-challenged hobbits. I followed them out, missing my comic books terribly. I stumbled out into the bright sunlight, rubbing sleep from my eyes.
“Think we missed second breakfast?” Pippin asked, yawning.
“You guys have a second breakfast?” I asked, amazed.
“Oh yes, we have a second breakfast, we have…” Merry began to name the various hobbit meals as I drooled. Now, these people knew how to live!

~*~

Crap. Hell. I was going to die swearing and running from a huge, monstrous, ugly creature. When your about to die, everything really snaps right back at you. Like how I giggled madly in near death situations. The last one had been a car accident, this was a tad more serious, but I was still laughing and running my guts out. I guess that’s why they called it a adrenalin rush. I mean, things like who was the they who called it adrenalin rush? Why were they elected to name all the god forsaken human rushes and highs? I mean couldn’t I, the one who was experiencing this adrenalin rush….
“Faramir!“ I shouted, mucho worried as the thing was now following me. No way, could I outrun something that was that fast! Not even a horse could manage that, and I wasn’t exactly the track team champion. Not even close, more like the drag-your-utterly-exhausted-butt around the last lap. I ran like a Olympian, jumping over a knoll and dashing under a cliff. I was running myself ragged, I couldn’t keep this up for much longer. But god, no way was I going to let this thing get me without a fight. Even if it ended up being a rather short, painful, and grisly fight.
It over took me, and I was praying it would just keep running. It didn’t. Instead, it swerved to face me, licking its chops like your dog does when it sees you dangling a steak in front of it. It growled and stared at me, tongue lolling out between canines the size of my pinkie finger. I hate dogs. I always have, ever since my step mothers Chihuahua bit me. Which, I’m telling you, was a long time ago. When I was like, I dunno, five? I have been a faithful cat person ever since, god have mercy on the next Chihuahua that dare so much as yip in my presence.
This thing could have eaten every damn Chihuahau on earth and still have room for a horse or two. Plus, it didn’t strike me like it was going to drop kick as easy as a Chihuahua, either. I love you god, I’m sorry I keep using your name in vain, please save me. I promise I’ll never drop kick another Chihuahua, unless it bites me….I thought as the giant hell hound raced for me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
So this is how it ends, eaten by a giant- I nearly screamed as a arm encircled my waist and yanked me onto the back of a horse. We were galloping at a amazing speed, bolting speed. Oh, god. I would have burst into tears if I wasn’t laughing my head off.
“We’re going to DIE!!” I laughed like a maniac as I shouted the obvious into the starry night.
“Silence.” Faramir snapped in my ear, as the horse charged for a rocky outcropping. The thing was behind us, snarling like something from Resident Evil. I giggled, tears leaking from the corners of my eyes. And if I wasn’t mistaken, that rocky out cropping was a-you guessed it- a drop off.