Phone Call to Imladris

„This is a boring day. We should do something,“ Saelbeth turned to Thandronen who was chewing the last bite of his apple.

„We could find out when that Council of Elrond is going to happen,“ Saelbeth added and looked out of the window into the down pouring rain.

Thandronen swallowed and wrinkled his forehead „Are they hooked up the local phone line yet?“ And then he threw the Elvish phone book down on the desk in front of Saelbeth who instantly took it and started to fan through it.

The elf opened several pages and with his finger he ran up and down the listings.

„Saelbeth, you know the alphabet? Imladris…you find it under I.“

„..Idril, Ithilwen...Inglor...Ithilethiel.....Imladris! I got it!“ Saelbeth took the receiver and punches the number in to the leave shaped phone. It rings on the other end, once, twice, thrice…finally the beautiful voice of Elladan appears.


"Mae Govannen. You have reached the help desk of Imladris.If you want to speak to Lord Erestor press one. If you want to speak to Lord Glorfindel press two. If you want to reach the Imladris catering office press 3. For an appointment with Master Lindir press 4. *music* Mae Govannen. You are now in the main menu of Imladris' service desk. If you want to reach the library for information about the first age, say one. If you want to reach the library for information about the second age, say two. If you want to reach the library for information about the third age say three.
Please press the star on your phone, if you have a different wish of information…“

Saelbeth shrugged and punched in a number while listening to the beautiful music of Lindir‚s orchestra.

Suddenly he hears Ellrohir‘s voice.

„Mae Govannen. You have reached the sub main menu of Imladris' help desk. For information about the current schedule of travel dates to the Grey Havens, press one. For information concerning hunting trips to Moria press two. For information about save routes to Lorien press three. Due to a misunderstanding with King Thranduil we currently undergo diplomatic difficulties and there are no trips to Eryn Lasgalen planed for the next three decades.

Saelbeth‘s face turned ashgrey and he pressed another button. He waited for the next announcement while listening to the Prisoner Choir of Angband. Then he listens again to Elladan‘s voice.


„Mae Govannen. You have reached the sub sub menu of Imladris' help desk. For information about the history of Imladris please contact Lord Erestor, return to the help desk. For information about grievance counseling, death and returning from it - please contact Lord Glorfindel. Return to the help desk. For information about the reforging of swords please hang up and call the Imladris' forge and book an appointment with Lord Maeglin.“

Thandronen looked all surprised when Saelbeth suddenly started to bang his head in the rhythm of a Lament for Gandalf against the desk before he heard the sweet voice of Elrohir.

„Mae Govannen you have reached the sub sub menu of Imladris' help desk If you want to talk to the Marchwarden of Lorien, please hang up and call Lothlorien. If you want to speak to the Lady of the Light, please hang up and call the Lothlorien appointment desk. If you want to speak to Lord Celeborn, please hang up and call the Lothlorien appointment desk.“

„I can not stand it!!! I can not stand it! I will kill them all!!!!“ Saelbeth screamed when he heard the beautiful Lay of Luthien for the third time, just before Elladan started to speak.

„Mae Govanen, you have reached the sub sub sub menu of Imladris' help desk. If you are mortal: For information on the council of Elrond, please hang up and call our office in Minas Tirith. If you are dwarvish: Don't call again. If you are elvish, please contact Lord Erestor, return to help desk with pressing the star button.“

Thandronen desperately took the receiver from Saelbeth‘s hand when the normally so smooth and nice elf tried to strangle the phone. And Saelbeth did not find it funny at all that Thandronen hummed happily the tune of Nimrodel while Elrohir‘s voice announced:

„Mae Govannen, you have reached the sub sub sub sub menu of Imladris help desk. For travel information to Imladris via horse press 1, for travel information and landing allowance via Gwaihir airlines, press two, for travel information via warg or fell beast, please hang up and call Minas Morgul.“

„Council of Elrond!!! That is what I want! Council of Elrond!!!“ Saelbeth‘s face had turned very read and he was shaking Thandronen, holding him on the collar of his tunic, when the music faded and an elvish voice announced friendly:

„Mae Govannen. You have reached the main help desk of Imladris. If you want to speak to Lord Erestor press one. If you want to speak to Lord Glorfindel press two. If you want to reach the Imladris catering office press 3. For an appointment with Master Lindir press 4.“

Thandronen started to punch numbers into the phone…

„Mae Govannen. You are now in the main menu of Imladris' service desk. If you want to reach the library for information about the first age, say one. If you want to reach the library for information about the second age, say two. If you want to reach the library for information about the third age say three.“

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!"