Reviews by kalia

All he ever wanted · Sun Aug 08, 2004 1:12 pm

Hi Gloredhel

Please excuse any mistakes I'm gonna make since english isn't my mother tongue. But I still wanted to tell you what I think.

First I wanna say that I have read also parts of your other story and I quite like the ideas on which you base your stories. The summaries of your stories sound interesting. And I admire your courage in posting them. I' m too much of a coward for that; shame on me *grins*

But I also see some problems in the way you write. I don't want to criticize you too badly since you're still young and with a few more years of experience you could certainly become quite a good writer.

1) You jump too quickly between different parts of the plot line. As a reader I can only barely keep up with your story. Everything seems to happen at once.

2) Your story doesn't flow right. The sentences seem like pearls without a string to keep them together. Some subordinate clauses would help.

Perhaps you should consider getting a beta reader. Your work would profit from good advise and your skills as a writer could blossom.

Please don't stop your writing. After all the enjoyment you get from writing should always come first and no master (or mistress in your case) has ever fallen from the sky (do they even have that proverb in the States *puts on her thinking face*)

If you wanna talk some more about your stories you can of course e-mail me.

Kalia

Blood and Water · Wed Jul 21, 2004 3:26 am

Interesting but very confusing beginning. I will be sure to read the rest of your story to clear up my confusion about what is going on *smiles*

Kalia

"Mysterious Fate" · Tue Jul 13, 2004 5:48 pm

Oh my... What a great story! It isn't often that one sees an OC that is so well developed and interacts so smoothly with the canon characters. Ai, my english just isn't good enough to give your story the praise it definitely deserves*sighs*
Please update soon!!

Kalia

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Reviews by kalia