Reviews by SpaceWeavil

Ancient Languages · Tue Dec 21, 2004 11:45 am

Nice beginning, and I'm interested to see how your OFC will fit into Middle Earth. You've certainly done a good job of setting up her background in this first segment and the writing is very clear and flows well. As an 'ancient languages' freak myself, I'll be watching this one with interest Very Happy smiley face

Child of the Dawn · Tue Dec 21, 2004 11:40 am

Have to agree with Viv. The description is very good and I had no problem visualising the scenes. It's a very interesting idea that I hope to see you continue with it. I think the fate of the Avari leaves itself open for a load of intriguing plot bunnies and so I'm keen to see where you go with this. My only suggestion would be the same as Viv's. It was hard to follow the Mannish language, so maybe having the translation in brackets beneath it or something like that might be easier to read than footnotes?

But very good work so far. Looking forward to more. Very Happy smiley face

Here We Go · Sun Dec 19, 2004 12:28 pm

First of all, congratulations on your first story. You have some very interesting ideas in this story. In particlar I liked the idea of the wood elves being able to sense something from the trees, and knowing that danger was coming. Moreover it's good to see Thranduil portrayed so amiably, and not as Legolas' awful abusing father.

I do hope you continue with this story. One thing I would suggest though is that you could get a beta to look over your chapters. We actually have a forum here to advertise for beta readers, and you generally get a very quick response from people willing to help with grammar, fluidity etc. You have a couple of misused words and a few spelling errors that could easily picked up. You'll find lots of people willing to help you and they're all very nice. Please don't be discouraged by my saying this. It's not my intention to try and flame you as a writer or put you off writing fan fiction. I wouldn't bother to leave a review if I didn't like your ideas and your story. I just think with a few tweaks, you could have something really, really good here.

Please take this review in the spirit it's meant, as an attempt to be helpful Very Happy smiley face

I really do hope you continue to write. We need more advocates of the Good!Thranduil theory Laughing smiley face

Very best wishes
Jess

The History of Legolas - From Light to Shadow · Fri Dec 17, 2004 5:50 pm

Interesting beginning and again I'm looking forward to seeing their relationship develop. I like your characterisation of Thranduil and my heart went out to him when he had to tell her about Oropher. Shall be watching this story.

My one suggestion would be - Oropher was killed in the battle of Dagorlad at the very beginning of the Last Alliance, not in the final battle. He charged forward before Gil-galad gave the command to advance and fell in battle with the orcs.

Otherwise though, another good story. Very Happy smiley face

Life after the Battle · Thu Dec 16, 2004 8:16 pm

Interesting story, but there are a few mistakes. There is a very good forum here to get a beta and I'm sure someone would be willing to help you sort these out. But there is one very obvious mistake in the first line, and this might put people off. With those things sorted, you could have a cracking story on your hands though Very Happy smiley face

Every Good and Perfect Gift · Wed Dec 15, 2004 5:44 pm

Very well written with some extremely nice passages. You've worked your sources together very well and have created a nice piece here. I agree with Viv that it's a bit chilling to think of death just before your wedding, but as she says, it all fits in. The story actually gave me a lot to think on. Very Happy smiley face

Alone Facing Darkness · Wed Dec 15, 2004 5:35 pm

I enjoyed chapter 3 very much, and am still intrigued to find out what is going on with Harry. The two worlds are interacting very nicely and I love your style of writing.

Only one thing - 'he had recognized one of them as Sam, the one he’s told Dumbledore about', I would have thought would be 'the one he'd told..' But that was one tiny thing and otherwise the story flowed really well, as always.

Also, you might want to make a mention of the fact that you've used dialogue from the film, as that is copyrighted material. Usually people just make a footnote or something and mark the dialogue from the film in some way, so people know where it comes from. That is just a formatting thing, though. As I said, I love this story and the writing is generally excellent. Please don't think I'm trying to rip holes in the story or be discouraged by anything I've said. Very Happy smiley face

The History Of Legolas – Thranduil and Almwen · Tue Dec 14, 2004 11:20 pm

This story is progressing nicely. I like the way the relationship is developing between them, and I liked Thranduil's attitude to the festivities, and their being irrelevant in his eyes. Only thing that struck me was that there were a couple of sentences that seemed a bit modern to me, which is probably just me, but the main one I noticed was 'I'm smarter than you'. Again, might just be me, but that struck me as very modern. But otherwise I am really enjoying the fic and am looking forward to more updates.

The History Of Legolas – Thranduil and Almwen · Sun Dec 12, 2004 10:17 am

So far this looks very good. You've managed to make Thranduil a little bad tempered without making him thoroughly evil like in a lot of stories, and I prefer to see him characterised with a little more depth Very Happy smiley face

I would agree with Ellisk, I am looking forward to seeing Oropher and how you build him as a character, since he is so rarely seen in fanfic in my experience. I like your OFC, and also look forward to seeing her develop, though I expect there will be a bit of tragedy along the way... Very Happy smiley face

By the way, how do you manage to get your text centred? I've been trying to do that for ages and never managed it. Smile smiley face

Distant Maiden · Sun Dec 12, 2004 5:57 am

I like this. It's a sweet scene and to be honest, I've always thought we need a bit more info on how those two got together. (I love you Aragorn...no wait, who's that bloke? Wink smiley face

). One line in particular that struck me as very nice was the one comparing Eowyn to the flower surviving winter. Nice allusion. Just to make a suggestion, which is not a flame, and not intended to be disrespectful or mean, but a beta might help make this a great story, rather than a good one. There are a couple of grammatical things that struck me. For instance, I would have said 'The houses of healing were quiet' rather than 'was quiet', but generally the piece has some really nice imagery and some nice insight into Faramir's thoughts. Like I said, a few tweaks and it could be very very good indeed.

Only one other thing though; I wasn't so sure about Eowyn's wanting Aragorn so she could be queen. I never really picked that up from the text or the film, that it was an ambitious thing on her part. I might be a hopeless romantic, but it always struck me as a very genuine 'innocent' (for want of a better word) love, and remember that she was herself the niece of the king of Rohan, so had some fair clout herself, I would imagine.

Please don't think I'm ripping your story to bits here. It's certainly not my intention to flame your or discourage you from writing at all. I'm only making suggestions, which I hope are helpful rather than irritating. As I said earlier, I did enjoy this piece and would like to see you explore the idea further, maybe from Eowyn's perspective?

All the best Very Happy smiley face

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Reviews by SpaceWeavil