Reviews by KhazarKhum

The Circles: Book One: The Triumph of The Shadow · Thu Aug 11, 2005 12:04 am

Rumors of Elves would have been around, just as they still are. Tales of wanderers "bewitched" by them, of stolen children and eerily beautiful music, of strange creatures that danced in the moonlight--all of these would be told in Rohan and many other places as well.

The Circles: Book One: The Triumph of The Shadow · Thu Aug 04, 2005 1:08 am

I have to ask a serious question about "Hunger". Why would the officers permit the prisoners to fraternize with the men? Even if all they are doing is sharing food, sooner or later it is going to lead to problems. I'm afraid that this really tends to undermine the "Directives".

Where She Cannot Watch · Mon Aug 01, 2005 9:05 pm

Nasty, nasty Yellowface! She laughs at us, she does. No nice fishies when Yellowface is in the sky.

Very Happy smiley face

The Circles: Book One: The Triumph of The Shadow · Thu Jul 28, 2005 2:30 am

Geeze, I got so involved I forgot what I was here to do. Surprised smiley face

ops:

I first saw "Circles" via the link you posted at Morgul-steel. That's what I meant by the "original site". I had no idea it was based off of a RPG. Things based off of RPGs are usually episodic & rambling; everyone's favorite character's pithy comments have to be preserved, and of course there's all that messy background to cover. There is always the sensation that you, the reader, have somehow missed out on some details--everyone seems to know everyone else, and they all have these "adorable" idiosyncracies.

"Circles" has none of that. It is not possible to tell from your writing that this was ever intended to be anything other than a novel-length story.

The Circles: Book One: The Triumph of The Shadow · Thu Jul 28, 2005 12:04 am

Well, Xyzzy, I don't like to discuss my fic on someone else's place, but here we go:

That's why they have nannies. You think WK gets his hands dirty??? Heck No! That's what nannies are for. Oh, and just where, pray tell, were the diapers??? I don't recall writing any of that into it!! Very Happy smiley face

And they aren't "baby Nazguls". They are humans, like their parents. And like most of the old Royal line of Numenor, they are "gifted" .

The Circles: Book One: The Triumph of The Shadow · Tue Jul 26, 2005 2:49 am

Took a while to find this here. I have the link to the "original site".

Some comments, Bad News First:

The first two chapters are very difficult to get through. They really need to be pared down. The overuse of the word "maiden" quickly becomes silly. You probably won't agree, and that's OK; but in their current state they are somewhat off-putting. Especially since the one chapter ends in Numenor, and then *pow!* we're in Rohan. I understand not wanting to call the one chapter a "prologue", because most people won't read prologues. (They swear they do, but hit counters don't lie.) As it is, there doesn't seem to be any connection between the two.

Now the Good Stuff:

The Nazgul should be perfectly-preserved Men. They are not windblown ghosts! I ran into the same nonsense you've described. The films, IMHO, did nothing to help. Especially with the horses. Doesn't anyone actually *think* about these things? Oh, and as for the armor: I got to see the WK armor up close & personal at FIDM last year. It was rusty, broken, and had holes! WTF? Why wear it? Why bother? It's trash, just like the clothes he wore. It's almost like the costume people thought that somehow the Nazgul hadn't bothered to change their clothes in the last 4000 years or so.

The Directives sound more like something that WK would issue, rather than Sauron. After all, Sauron has his ring back. He's not on the ground, dealing with the idiocy & chaos. He's not trying to get several different cultures & languages working together. That's the Nazguls' job. Sure, he wants to impose his will on everything, but he's not the one imposing that will. That's left to his lieutenants.

Yes, Gothmog has to be Nazgul #3. No Orc would get that kind of rank. (WTF was PJ thinking? Let's face it--if a Nazgul told orcs to hold the line, they'd hold that line. Maybe PJ needed them to run.) Khamul of course was in charge at Dol Guldur, with another one. In "Circles" I would assume that he's still there?

A Long Tradition of Ancient Lore · Wed Jul 06, 2005 3:08 pm

Somehow I expect that the dragon would grab Boromir more than Faramir--but maybe not. Denethor is wonderful here.

This Too Shall Pass.... · Sat Jul 02, 2005 3:35 am

I was praying for this to happen. Please, please eat Frodo & his ^&%$@#$ club-me-I'm a baby-seal eyes! Twisted Evil smiley face

Valor · Thu Jun 16, 2005 2:05 am

This could easily be broken into a poetic form. It is very close to a poem as it stands.

Distant Maiden · Fri Jun 10, 2005 3:47 am

This is essentially a gentle romance, one which needs some careful work to reach its full potential. The long descriptions of Faramir's movements in the room need to be pared down.

I wondered why he didn't know where she's staying--surely he would know where so high-ranking a lady would be housed. Especially in his own home.

The "romance" between Aragorn & Eowyn always seemed to have the air of battlefield love about it--one desperate fling before descending into the abyss of war. Tolkien surely saw this, both as a young man & again during WWII. (This is simply an observation on my part, and not a comment on your story. Smile smiley face

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Reviews by KhazarKhum