Reviews by Viv

Hands · Thu Feb 21, 2008 9:58 am

I noticed this in "The Dark One" and forgot to comment on it in my review there: you have an excellent sense of detail, giving just enough to set the scene and yet not so much that you bore readers. This is a very delicate balance, but you have a knack for achieving it. For instance, in the first line here, you mention "lye soap" which is appropriate for the setting and draws a reader in. However, you don't go on and on about how the soap is made, which would have been stultifying. Same thing with ale (I think?) in "The Dark One." There were nice world-appropriate details there. I'm so glad you're keeping these delicious little bits coming!

The Dark One · Tue Feb 19, 2008 2:30 pm

The piglet is stark and horrible. Somehow, even Morwen's rough past is little compared to what those refugees in the barn have endured. And that's saying something, because Morwen has endured a lot. Now I'm going to have to go back and read the other series installments. Smile smiley face

Son of the Sun · Tue Feb 19, 2008 1:49 pm

I like this OFC already. She's sly and dangerous, definitely the sort of creature who would lure a Vala into something naughty. Hope you update soon!

Mosquito's and Ivy and Bedbugs, Oh My! · Mon Feb 18, 2008 10:33 am

Very funny and also cute. I enjoyed the Glorfindel/Erestor dynamic. Typically I don't like characterisations of the twins as pranksters, but they were actually kind of funny in this story. Poor little Estel! He doesn't come out of these encounters very well, does he? Maybe you could write a scene where Estel gets back at those twins!

Cirdan's Beard · Mon Feb 11, 2008 4:51 pm

LOL. I know that child! Exceptional tale-telling, Haleth. At the end, did Elvander try to *remove* the badger?! Eep! Thank you for the chuckle this afternoon. I totally needed this! Am so glad to see you writing/posting again. Ficdom has missed your wit.

Nightmare · Fri Feb 08, 2008 4:40 pm

You asked for feedback, but I'm sure you didn't mean this. Please forgive me; when I start making notes about a story I'm reading, I just go on and on. Take what you want and discard the rest of my comments, okay? Don't let anything I say stifle your muse. You write very well, and I would hate to say anything that would dissuade you from continuing.

Still, I'm a notoriously picky reader, so here goes...

--From what you have so far, I'm so glad that Alice is in Middle-earth: with so little in common, she and Matt would have made each other miserable as a married couple! lol

--Smidge of a nitpick: Tolkien implied in the chapters "Many Partings" and "The Grey Havens" that Galadriel went to Rivendell immediately after the farewells and that she left from there three years later to go across the sea. Celeborn isn't mentioned in "The Grey Havens," so the assumption is that he returned to Lothlorien, without his wife (ahh the angst!). So to remain true to LoTR, you probably want to replace Galadriel with Celeborn in the scenes in Lothlorien.

--Awww... Gimli got a line! And he got to do the killin! Go him!

--I know that elves are naturals at learning new languages, but it might have taken Legolas a little more time to become fluent in English. It wouldn't be hard to make that a little more believable. Maybe she talked in her sleep and that was enough for him to glean sufficient introductory vocabulary? A tiny detail like that might silence the more skeptical readers.

--"Normally his kind could cope with no sleep for long periods of time but the talks and all the energy spent trying to sort out what was going on had affected him more than he realised." ... Excellent! You've at once reminded us that he is elvenkind and therefore different, but he also is capable of exhaustion in certain circumstances. And this is one of those circumstances. Considering that following the Merry/Pippin trail for days into Rohan without resting didn't faze him, he must be more susceptible to this sort of sedentary emotional strain. Good conclusion/detail.

--Ah! I like the elven hospitality tradition. It kind of blends with the oaths and stuff mentioned in the Silmarillion (Barahir and Finrod and all that). I'm totally buying it.

And finally Chapter 4 ...

--"he seemed to be in Middle Earth, in Lothlorien of all places" ... Uh oh, is Alice a fan of LoTR? Although a lot of people saw the movies, I'm not sure the general public could tell the difference between an ent and an orc or would even know those terms. And they certainly wouldn't recall the names of Gimli, Aragorn, and Legolas without a pause. Having Alice immediately decide that this blond elf (who Tolkien never actually said was blond) is Legolas is a little bit unbelievable. In fact, unless it's crucial to the plot, I wouldn't have Alice be knoweledgeable about Middle-earth at all. (Actually, having a knowledgeable fangirl zatted to Middle-earth is an often-written story, so common in fact that the site guidelines ask writers not to post those kinds of stories. I don't know where you're going with this story, but you might want to rewrite Alice as more of a casual viewer of the movies who doesn't in fact know much about Tolkien's world, not a diehard fangirl.)

I turned on the alert for future chapters of this story. Looking forward to reading more!

Paradox of the Fourth Age · Thu Feb 07, 2008 3:23 pm

See! You did an excellent job with the action scene. I felt Laureanna's deep horror and imagine that all soldiers must go through that the first time they must take a life. How much worse would it be for an elf, and especially one born in Aman and wholly unused to suffering. You've captured all that so well. I'm thrilled to see this story continue.

Left Behind · Tue Jan 29, 2008 12:34 pm

What's "the Trilogy"? Do you mean Tolkien's "trilogy"? Groovy. I'm interested in reading something from Faye's point of view, as it seems this story is going to be focused mainly on her. Now two people have talked about her and described her, but I still don't feel like I've met her. I'm liking the threads you're setting up, plot arcs introduced, though the pronouns are a little confusing. Who was the man in the last scene with the gurgling sound? Is the "body" discussed in chapter 2 the woman in mud at the end of chapter 1? Is she someone from modern times magically transported to Middle-earth? Was her arrival part of the attack described at the beginning of chapter 1? I'll be interested in seeing how all these pieces fit together. (Which is the mark of a good story: making your readers care.)

Theater of Confusion · Tue Jan 29, 2008 12:20 pm

Bwahaha! I suspected that he was watching dancers, but I wasn't certain of it until the last line. Excellent! I can totally see Boromir having this sort of reaction.

A Yearling Shoot · Tue Jan 29, 2008 12:19 pm

The voices were in key, very Tolkien. The whole mood is soft, and even the urgency hinted at in the dicussion of Choice failed to alter that soft, dreamy mood. I think this is appropriate for a conversation between elves. HIgh-quality writing, nice voice. Shall be on the lookout for future chapters to see where this story is going.

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Reviews by Viv