Reviews by Viv

Wenches & Rangers II - The Tavern · Wed Nov 26, 2003 10:41 am

We of the Aragorn-adoring salute you. Really, though, fantastic pwp Krys. Dirty, scruffy, panting Ara in a stable. I mean, it don't get much better than that. Cool smiley face

Motherless · Tue Nov 25, 2003 10:18 pm

The whole piece was suffused with this warm and toasty feeling... but that last scene. Wow. Every heartstring that hadn't been tugged so far got strummed but good right there. Very moving.

Return to Middle Earth · Tue Nov 25, 2003 5:47 pm

Okay, so Sinead's a brat. I still like her. Smile smiley face

And Glorfindel is lickable in the extreme. So now does she get to go meet papa? I can just imagine Elrond's reaction. And where is that sword? Has she been practicing with it? Thank you for updating; this story is addictive.

Gold Like Tears · Tue Nov 25, 2003 5:42 pm

You know, these tales of the bead could go on forever. They're beautiful, strung like little decorations themselves: alike, but disparate, and nudging up against each other on the chain. Amazong of course, but I've come to expect that of your work. It no longer surprises me, but it does continue to impress me.

The Braided Heart · Tue Nov 25, 2003 3:38 pm

I loved the flashbacks, and thank you for finally writing a past for Eowyn. I've wondered about her memories of her mother, and about her childhood. This is a soft look into those times, and a commentary on how her early years have influenced her. Very thoughtful and thought-provoking.

If you have any desire to polish this piece, you might want to focus on the transitions. Shfiting tense and pov at the same time is tricky, though I know it is useful for this plot/structure. However, the between-paragraph transitions should be overly smooth, to make up for the other shifts. In some cases, pronoun referents were lost: "...dirt-smudged knees. / They wave slowly to and fro..." That's the kind of thing that could be smoothed out in revision. It doesn't detract from the tone of the story, but a little massage at those spots would make this a really remarkable piece.

I enjoyed this piece a lot, and I really appreciate your treatment of Eowyn. Lovely.

Gone~ · Tue Nov 25, 2003 4:12 pm

I'm guessing that there is a major story arc explaining how the virus in our world is related to something in Middle-earth? Very interesting concept; I look forward to seeing the eventual resolution. Also, the dynamic between the sisters was good and very believable. However, as good as the concept is, the execution of this fic needs a lot of work. Grammar, spelling, pacing, transitions, research... all of these could stand to be polished. A beta can help with the grammar and spelling (I think someone else has already mentioned how valuable a beta would be). But the research and plot development are things you will want to do yourself. You may want to build more into the preparation for crossing the Atlantic ocean. A fishing boat won't really cut it; the girls would have to learn how to run a bigger boat, study charts and instruments and navigational tools. It would be a major undertaking, not to mention that a trip like that would take weeks at least, so they'd need more than a duffle of spare food.

A longer explanation of the virus and its aftereffects would be nice, especially if the virus is going to be part of the later plot (which it more or less has to be). I'd like to know precisely what you mean when you say the town has gone "insane." Also, these girls obviously had a close relationship with their parents; I was expecting a little more dismay that mom and dad were suddenly and tragically dead.

Also, please be careful with elf/human interactions. These are human children; the elves would have very little patience with them, and certainly wouldn't think of possible romantic attachments.

Finally, please removeor rephrase this line: "I literally jumped out of my skin." Wink smiley face

Feel free to rewrite and repost, and let me know when you do. I can see how this story could be made into something very good, with a little work.

Return to Middle Earth · Mon Nov 24, 2003 12:59 pm

Second-to-last line of chapter five is absolutely classic. So perfectly elven; even perfectly Thranduil-like in the faint sarcasm. Lovely.

Homecoming · Mon Nov 24, 2003 12:53 pm

Oh, wow. I wasn't expecting the end (despite the title). What can I say? Poignant, wrenching, evocative. How in so few words have you managed to convey so much of his character? Talent, I guess. And probably a lot of hard work and painful editing. Still, the end result is remarkable.

Brothers · Mon Nov 24, 2003 12:46 pm

This story and your Iadel tale have me wishing you'd turn the whole years-of-the-trees into a narrative. You have a gift for writing Valinor, and for writing these glorious characters. Do you have a longer fic elsewhere? Just curious; I'd love to sink into this narrative voice for a while.

Iadel · Mon Nov 24, 2003 12:41 pm

Amazing how this story fits into the folk tale, ain't it? But maybe not that surprising. Tolkien, after all, borrowed heavily from faery tale forms. Which is probably why your story aligns so nicely with the professor's work. It even has a voice that is very nearly his. Very lovely work; thanks for letting me read.

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Reviews by Viv