Reviews by Viv

Retribution · Fri Nov 21, 2003 6:36 pm

This is a powerful piece of writing. The emotions and reactions are very believable; you did a really good job of showing the horror that was the twins' everyday life. Overall, the piece could use a bit of balance, though. The flashback at the end was far too short, and the shift from present tense to past just for that paragraph was jarring. I don't know if you're done with this piece or if you plan to go back and polish, but that would be a place to start. Of course, the writing in general was of such high quality that even the balance problem didn't destroy the piece. It is very, very good. Thank you for posting!

The Flame Rises · Fri Nov 21, 2003 6:29 pm

That's it? Just two chapters?! Please post more! This is delightful so far. I especially appreciate your author notes at the end, showing your care with the source material. Very respectful to the professor. Thank you. I also want to thank you for getting the adjectives/nouns right (e.g., Telerin vs. Teleri); so many authors don't. Kudos to you! But I think my favorite aspect of the story so far is the richness of her life. No days spent lounging on the divan pondering her own heady immortality. Nope, this gal washes clothes, grinds grain, makes herself useful. This is certainly true to what Tolkien wrote about elf lifestyles; I can't imagine that the princesses had it any different, really. Good call.

As far as the constructive crit bits go... there aren't many. Be on the lookout for anachronistic terms ("unprintable" sticks out in my memory; printing, as you note later on, isn't really going on at that time). Also, you mentioned the elf girls in Rivendell making lembas... wasn't that a Melian/Galadriel secret?

Oh, speaking of Galadriel: I love how you slipped in Celebrimbor's crush on the golden-haired one. How is it that she can make so many folks adore her? Ho. Smile smiley face

And one final nit to pick: In Chapter 2 you called Celebrimbor "Master Archival"... did you mean "Master Artificer"? Or does he do some record-keeping on the side?

What fun this story already is! I'm putting it on my Watched Stories list and can't wait for an update.

The Gift of Healing · Thu Nov 20, 2003 5:19 pm

eowynangel, your English is just lovely. Better than many native English speakers. Wow. I'm impressed. Smile smiley face

Cold Comfort · Thu Nov 20, 2003 1:06 pm

Oh, hello. This ficlet completely blindsided me. I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't that. What a beautiful moment, changing nothing else in the dynamics of the characters, implying nothing that wasn't there. I took it to mean that Legolas was a character who loved easily and deeply, though not every love was a romantic one. Some were better, more tender, more respectful. And the slight twist at the end, the trope of the apple (temptation?) was inspired. Very well done. Thank you.

The Gift of Healing · Mon Nov 17, 2003 4:36 pm

Ooh! I like the "explanation" you've given for Eowyn's uncomfortably sudden change of mind at the end of RoTK. That had always bothered me, so I really appreciate your back story here. I also appreciate the simple, uncomplicated language. Sometimes the straightforward stuff evokes stronger responses than the most lavish poetry. However, I did stumble over a couple of terms, particularly "powerfulness" and "acceptation." These are real words, but they aren't in standard usage. Do you know if they were used commonly in earlier English? Generally, folks use "power" and "acceptance" as the nouns.

A Brandybuck Turns Baggins · Fri Nov 14, 2003 3:16 pm

Will there be more to this story? I've enjoyed it so far. The character feelings and reactions are very believable. And we know that these two are friends later on, so their anger and hurt here must have ended somewhere along the way. I hate to think of Frodo harboring such guilt over his own orphan status. Poor little one!

If you get a yen to make any edits, perhaps you would consider reformatting the first chapter? Those line-breaks make it sort of hard to read. And somewhere in chapter 2, I saw the word "nutrition", which, although it has middle-English roots, kind of sounds newish. Perhaps "nourishment" would sound more old-timey?

Eternally · Thu Nov 13, 2003 4:58 pm

Well, I finally got around to reading this... I know, it took me long enough. All I can say is kudos. This is a very fine story, even with a satisfying end. The characters both behaved consistently -- even somewhat tragically -- and yet managed to grow a bit. They seem more layered and less giddy at the end, even though they have found trooo lurve. I especially appreciate how you avoided the typical happily-ever-after ending. But, you know, you did leave this open... you could have them moving through the centuries, always chasing after one another. Is there a sequel?

What Cannot Be Undone · Wed Nov 12, 2003 3:53 pm

There is no fault in your writing; as always it is smooth, elegant, and riveting. Your characterizations also are a joy. The only thing that disturbed me here was the double standard ... why is Glorfindel's violence okay, but the twins' is not? They snapped at Lindir, but Glorfindel slapped them. I would think physical violence amongst elves would be much more abhorrent than some snide words. Also, people tend to deal with grief in various ways. Lindir shuold be congratulated for not letting his violent past hurt him now, but that doesn't mean that the twins should be just like him. Of course, my reactions to the lesson and rebuke must indicate how powerful the story was. So definitely congratulations on another well-done piece.

The Cursed Queen of Angmar · Thu Nov 06, 2003 1:15 pm

His first son, eh? See, now you've made me curious. I bet you have a whole stack of backstory on this guy. Any chance, after you finish this tale, you might write scenes/snippets/ficlets about witch-king: the early years?

Across Dark Waters · Tue Oct 28, 2003 7:01 pm

I admit I guessed the identity of the ferryman -- your hints were gorgeous and subtle -- but that did not detract from the tension and dark beauty of the piece. Pointing out my favorite parts might spoil the twist for other readers, and I don't want to do that. But suffice it to say, there were certain turns of phrasing in this piece that were excruciatingly beauitful. Thank you for posting; thank you for letting me read.

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Reviews by Viv