Reviews by Viv

Snaga · Thu Jul 22, 2004 6:34 pm

I've had this story on my Watched list for a while now, and have checked back for updates. Sadly, I haven't seen any. Are you updating on another site? If your muse has gone on holiday, I hope she comes back soon.

Whispers · Thu Jul 22, 2004 1:04 pm

"But every whisper was heard by the Lady Galadriel, clear as bells upon the wind." ... This is such a fantastic description of Galadriel's peculiar ability to see into the souls of others. Nice. Sneaky question: does her love for Nenya have anything to do with Celebrimbor? The underlying nuance struck me as particularly insecure, as if they don't trust the strength of their love, even after all this time. They know it, and feel it, but worry that the other has lost interest. So their relationship is bright and sad at the same time: "I always feel as though I am fighting you to keep my identity... And I find myself utterly exhausted from a battle I am not certain I wish to win." How cleverly you've drawn that.

Angel Eyes · Thu Jul 22, 2004 12:21 pm

The sentiment is compelling, but I was waiting for some revelation, some nuance to the Elrond/Arwen er relationship that I'd never noticed before. Instead, it almost read like a romance. And the word "angel" bothered me a bit. Are there angels in Tolkien's universe? This poem might work better as an original piece, rather than a Tolkien fanfic.

For You · Thu Jul 22, 2004 11:56 am

Well, you've set up some interesting conflicts, and I'm looking forward to the rest of the story. It's clear you've put a lot of work into it so far. One thing that would add a lot of polish is to take a quick look at a map of Middle-earth. You can look it up on the Encyclopedia of Arda (just do a google search... it's a great site for basic info). Gondor is to the south; Bree is in the northwest, and you've written them just opposite. So far, that detail doesn't appear to be part of the plot, so it'd be easy to fix it. Thanks for posting, and good luck with the rest of the fic!

La Belle Dame Sans Merci · Wed Jul 21, 2004 10:24 pm

Yowie. I'd never assigned a gender to it, but this characterization makes chilling and perfect sense. I can't wait for Galadriel to resist her *grin*... how to do that without upsetting the slash restrictions here on OSA? hee. This has to be the most creative characterisation I've read in ficdom. I'm just so impressed. And addicted. Can I get an Aragorn scene? Pretty please? And a Gollum one, and an Isildur.... Smile smiley face

Blood Runs True · Tue Jul 20, 2004 5:03 pm

I'm surprised to be only the fourth person to review this story. It really is lovely. A smidge heavy, perhaps, but that's what you'd expect with this sort of subject matter! I think you handled some delicate issues very well, and your characterisation of Boromir was just fabulous. Aragorn confused me, especially early on when he just sort of abandoned Faramir. But he more than made up for it in the end. The only real weaknesses in this story are nitpicky things. A very good beta would be able to smooth those rough edges out (for instance: "It was perhaps worse to reached [reach] Faramir's bedside and see that the Steward looked not much different than he did every day, except for the paleness of his skin, and the sheen of perspiration that shown [shone] on his face"), but I don't think the minor errors detract much from the power of the piece.

Ringwraiths · Tue Jul 13, 2004 2:35 pm

I enjoyed the unusual point of view and the commanding tone of the poem. And granted, I'm no expert on poetry here, but I thought some of the grammatical, usage, and punctuation choices were confusing. Why did some sentences get end punctuation and some did not? Was the substitution of "bain" (a bath) for "bane" (a cause of harm, ruin, or death) intentional? I know that sometimes poets substitute words to make a point, but I didn't understand that one. In the end, I felt like I just wasn't getting your subtler meanings, and that could very well just be my fault.

The Heirs · Thu Jul 08, 2004 8:47 pm

"Dawn stole up over the hills like a trickster poised to strike." ... I just have to say, that is one of the most appropriate and perfect opening lines in ficdom. The whole piece was adorable. You really should venture into the lotrfic waters more often. Have I said that before? Is there an echo in here?

The Green Knight · Wed Jul 07, 2004 3:50 pm

Your sense of detail is exquisite. You described the setting fully, which is fairly rare in fic. Go you! However, in much of the first three chapters (which is where I am right now, in reading), there are some incredibly long sentences. Often by the time I was done reading the sentence, I could no longer recall how it started, so I had to read it again. The first sentence of the fic is overly long and really doesn't punch the way it should. Still, the idea is compelling and the setting is just lovely.

The Fallen Prince · Wed Jul 07, 2004 3:44 pm

Love the alliteration ("How sad to see the fallen prince") and the repetition of really good lines. I can see why you don't want to remove the word "prince." I don't think it's a problem. This line bugged me a little: "Still searching for a way out of death." In movieverse, we saw bunches of elves die in the Last Alliance. My guess is the Lorien elves, many of whom would have been at the Last Alliance, would understand the risks. And elves don't have the fear of death that humans have. After all, when they're slaughtered in war, they get invited to the Great Pool Party of Mandos. It isn't really quite so final for them. Wink smiley face

The poem itself is lovely, though. I enjoyed it.

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Reviews by Viv