Reviews by Julie

Namarie · Tue Oct 24, 2006 9:52 am

This was heartrending from a child's perspective. I have the impression that her son was grown when she departed, but it still is nicely written and poignant. Good job!

Under the Lonely Mountain Cold · Sat Jan 07, 2006 7:18 pm

Marta, this was wonderful! Well done! I can hear them singing it!

Anticipation · Thu Nov 03, 2005 6:46 pm

Ellie, this little Finarfin fic was truly lovely to read. You packed so much universal emotion into it - the love that every parent feels for their child, the forgiveness for all transgressions, wanting only to see the loved one again. You did a magnificent job with this. I am glad I could help. You have so much potential... keep writing! And thank you for entering my challenge.

Vales of Sorrow · Mon Sep 26, 2005 4:32 pm

Oh, it was so wonderful to read this new chapter of your story!! I've been waiting for it for so long and it certainly was exciting and packed with mysterious hints of all kinds of plot twists and turns. The characters came alive for me while I was reading, with distinctive and likeable personalities. Libraleyne is so sweet, ready to sacrifice herself to protect the other elves. Her four rescuers are divine, of course. Crelaine represents the humans nobly and well. And then there are the Elves back on the "home scene" in the breakfast scene and in the Aviary. I really liked Orophin's wife Elemmírë, the way she was so shy around Orophin's family, and I liked the way he spoke so understandingly to her. Of course I loved all the glimpses I got of our wise and wonderful Haldir. *happy sigh* I also appreciate all the interesting details you sprinkled in, such as the braziers, the details about the Aviary, the messenger hawks, etc. They did a splendid job creating the backdrop that helped the story come alive in my imagination. I wish you good luck continuing with this story and will be most anxious to read what comes next. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this tale!

Shin to Toe to Thigh to Mind · Mon Jun 06, 2005 3:05 pm

Talasi, you know I love this, and I'm so glad you decided to share it. For so long you have supported and encouraged countless fanfiction authors with lovely and positive reviews, and I'm thrilled to see you taking this brave step into the world of writing. You are so articulate and express yourself with such beautiful imagery that it takes my breath away. You obviously have a flare for the written word; I have seen it over and over just in your reviews and now we readers get a glimpse of what that talent can achieve. Thank you so much for sharing this sensual and delightful story. I look forward to reading anything else you decide to write. Your elf-tossing vignettes are wonderful too! Wink smiley face

The Adventures of Glorfindel and Erestor · Mon Apr 25, 2005 5:29 pm

The wacky humor in this story really made me giggle. It seems that Glorfindel is ready to get back at Erestor, and I'm looking forward to seeing what he comes up with. From that last line, I think it's going to be quite evil!! *g* Good job!!! Looking forward to more!

Rider of the Mark · Thu Mar 24, 2005 6:59 pm

Zee,
I just finished reading chapter 2 of Rider of the Mark, and I have only good things to say. You have grown so much as a writer since you first embarked on EV, which is not to imply that that story lacked, but I can just see the difference. Which is as it should be, of course.

The dialogue is so realistic that it takes the breath away. Your Théoden and your Gamling have such distinctive voices, each unique to the character. They sound like themselves, so much so that I can almost hear them in my head. Excellent use of dialogue and excellent dialogue tags. Dialogue tags are something that a lot of writers don’t put enough work into (including myself, at times), but they are important because they further the visuals and contribute to the tempo of the story and of course identify the speaker of the dialogue.

An example of an excellent dialogue tag is this: [Théoden refilled his tankard, not to drink from it, but to contemplate the swirling liquid held within.] That single sentence accomplishes so much. Skillful writing!

Another example of something I thought illustrated the sophistication of your writing was this line: [Gamling's mind flew. It was capable of such, even for all his friends and cohorts teasing him of his careful, methodical ways.] Writing like this just blows me away. *g*

You also pay homage to the reader’s senses, something that always contributes something to a story. When we can hear, taste, smell and see what’s going on (not to mention feel, whenever possible) that enhances the whole reading experience. An example where you did this is: [For a few moments, the only sound to be heard was the crackling and popping of wood in the fireplace.] I just thought that was excellent.

Again, I thought the dialogue was sophisticated as well as realistic. An example of where I especially took note of this is: ["Of course it is, Gamling of the Westemnet. That is why you are here and not Gandalf or Aragorn. Rise, my friend." He stepped back, allowing Gamling room to stand. "And sheath your weapon. Someone will come in and think you wish my head."]

Now the whole part about Théoden wanting Gamling to move into the Great Hall seems plausible for the reasons stated in the story. I liked how you justified it through Théoden’s voice and viewpoint, even though you were actually in Gamling’s viewpoint. It worked well.

Gamling has moments where he seems simple [Sire, you ARE Rohan. – a statement that from another character might be interpreted as blindly loyal or even naïve], but we know that he is not simple because 1) Théoden says so; 2) Théoden trusts him; 3) we are in Gamling’s viewpoint and so we already acquainted with the workings of his mind. Nothing too sophisticated so far, but there are hints of it, not to mention that as a character he comes across as very sympathetic.

How clever of you to use Grima’s vacated room in this story. Your description of it was wonderful, but even better was Gamling’s realistic reaction. I liked that very much. And then Aefre shows up, right on cue. Perfect. I like how you wove her touches of sympathy into her more confrontational attitudes. It gives her depth and makes her likeable. If she were just “tough” on him, for lack of a better word, she would not be nearly as sympathetic to the reader. I also liked that she grinned at him, and that he found her grin attractive. I’m glad she wasn’t missing all her teeth or something. *g* That might be a little too realistic for my taste. His reaction to her chatter was amusing. How like a man, lol.

So in short, I have a lot of good things to say about this chapter. The only word I would suggest altering is the word “input” which sounds too modern to my ear. I think you could simply stick with the word ‘advice’ or ‘counsel’, which is more “period”. Oh, and of course you did technically violate viewpoint when you mention things that Gamling does not see while still in his viewpoint, but then many other authors have done this too. It is something one needs to do consciously, not by accident. Once one understands the rules of viewpoint, one knows when and under what circumstances to violate them. This is a case in point: [Had he been looking, he would have seen . . . etc.] Since it contributes to the story, I think that kind of thing is just fine. In other words, the good outweighs the bad. Any type of viewpoint switching or finagling is best done at the conclusion of a scene and not in the middle of one, and that is exactly what you did. So, in my admittedly unexpert opinion, this worked. I hope I don’t come across as a know-it-all. I am just offering my opinions, for whatever they are worth. Also, I just thought you’d like something a little more in-depth than “Whoo hoo, that was great!” which was my first reaction. hehehehe

Thank you for sharing your marvelous talent.

Rider of the Mark · Mon Mar 21, 2005 4:57 pm

Zee,
Well, I am only 3 months late on reviewing this story (although I had skimmed the beginning already). That's not too bad considering how things have been these past few months. I definitely enjoyed chapter 1. Very visual with lots of details that added to the realism. Most everything you wrote was extremely plausible, and you did it with your own distinctive style.

Needless to say, I am not fond of the movie verse aspect because of the elf business (I like my elves alive), but that aside, I think this chapter was nearly perfect. I would remove the very first line because to me it sounds more like Zee than Gamling. But for the most part it sounded very much the way a Rohirrim male might think and react. I liked the way you let the reader know how he worked his way up in the ranks, how he valued his hard-earned rank, and how he would die for his king, if need be. Very honorable.

The woman was interesting. Just as spunky as a certain author I know, and at the same time she seems to be a woman of her time, so to speak. She seemed ready to be nice to him until he was disrespectful to her, and then he got what he deserved. My favorite part was where he said: "It's hair. What should I do with it? Wear it up in ribbons?" lol

Oh, and I thought the part about the halflings kicking the ale onto him so he needed that bath to be quite plausible. Oddly, I felt annoyed with the silly hobbits, lol. Thank you for sharing your marvelous talent. I look forward to reading more of this story.

Mirkwood and Beyond · Fri Dec 10, 2004 8:47 pm

Mary & Mal,
This second chapter was beautifully written and most engaging. I like the switch-back-and-forth routine, each following such different storylines. I am intrigued by Thaladir's experiments with Mal. He seems to be acting most bizarrely. I liked when Haldir & the twins showed up and flirted with Mal, to Thaladir's annoyance. I am sure Thaladir does not hate Mary, btw. Oh, and the traveling elf minstrel part of it is also intriguing; I am sensing a mystery there. Beautiful descriptions of setting, forest, birds, etc. A well done, interesting, and sexy chapter that I very much enjoyed reading. Good job (as always!) You are both so talented!

Mirkwood and Beyond · Fri Dec 10, 2004 8:43 pm

Mary & Mal,
I wanted to let you know that I found this chapter highly entertaining and enjoyable to read. I love the tongue-in-cheek humor of the story, especially evident when the reader is in Mary's point of view. (Mal seems a bit more serious). Your disparate personalities definitely emerge, and the contrast really makes this duel storyline work very well.

I admit I was surprised to read that Mal seems to have softened considerably toward good old Thaladir. That's an interesting development. Naturally I love the addition of Elrohir, Elladan, and Haldir to the story. *g* One detail that I *especially* loved was the part about how elves detect a shimmering emanation from human bodies. That was very creative and gave me a little shiver. Another thing I like very much is your concept of a bold Haldir. And of course there is dear Thaladir, whose arse has been starched to the finest stiffness. LOL. Excellent job you two!

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Reviews by Julie