Reviews by Viv

Haldir and Elzabeth : The Epic · Wed Aug 18, 2004 4:56 pm

What is "rural LA"? Do you mean Louisiana? I can't even remember seeing trees in Los Angeles. Wink smiley face

Writing-wise, be on the lookout for point-of-view shifts, like this one: "A sense of relief washed over Haldir." Up until that point (and in the next paragraph), you're telling the story from Elzabeth's point of view. From this point onward, though, point of view is very inconsistent, which makes the story harder to follow.

Haldir says that he'll take Elzabeth to meet with Galadriel because the Lady is curious about E's bizarre arrival. Fair enough. But when Elzabeth actually meets with Galadriel, Galadriel doesn't ask any questions, even though she must be weirded out by a creature so stubborn and insanely powerful enough to fend off even her ability to see into the minds of others. Instead, Galadriel assigns the stranger to her security patrol! This seems very risky and out of character for Galadriel, who is supposed to be wise.

Beware of modernisms: "Do you wish for me to fix you up on a date?" That just doesn't sound like something a LoTR character would say. Smile smiley face

Finally, someone eventually is going to use the words "Mary Sue," so just be ready for them. The character of Elzabeth is a little underdeveloped right now, though I assume you'll give us more insight into her character later on, so I'm not too worried about it. Still, it might be a good idea to tone down her superpowers a bit.

Interesting story so far. Hope you continue. Smile smiley face

Naugrim · Wed Aug 18, 2004 4:39 pm

Some instances of rough sentence structure (e.g., "Seeing as to how"; "the imagination department, as envisaged by the little prince"), but the tempo and atmosphere are pleasantly light. I'm still waiting on the dwarves, though. Smile smiley face

White Gull From The Sea · Wed Aug 18, 2004 4:28 pm

Definitely a creepy interaction between Legolas and the sea. The actions of Gimli and Aragorn seemed slightly off, though. They obviously knew he was walking to the cliff, didn't bother to stop him, and then looked at him at the bottom and remarked that they hadn't stopped him. Then they assumed that he must be either dead or paralyzed. It was just ... strange. These are heroes, not idle spectators: if they thought one of their own was in danger, I'd think they'd do everything humanly (or dwarvenly) possible to save their friend.

The bit at the end was also abrupt: it really isn't that long a story. Gimli could relate it all back to Legolas in a few sentences. And is Legolas really in the physical condition to ride? If he was really hurt that badly, he'd need at least a few hours to recover, even if elves do heal fast.

Alliance · Wed Aug 18, 2004 4:01 pm

This is really incredible. Wow, just wow. Celeborn is indeed The Wise. Elrond and Celebrian are believable and strong. Even the secondary and tertiary characters are remarkable (Nimloch the messenger, Glorfindel, Gil-Galad). Please, please finish. And thank you so much for beginning.

La Belle Dame Sans Merci · Fri Aug 13, 2004 6:00 pm

Okay, well the chapter contained Aragorn, as promised. And the One was creepy and tempting (fantastic, by the way). But Aragorn was clothed througohut! What's with that?! She's obviously off her game. All those years playing parchesi with Bilbo must've turned her fluffy.... (lordy, and I just had a brief visual of her and Bilbo. Hmm.)

Moving Mountains · Tue Aug 10, 2004 12:31 pm

I don't really know what to say. This piece went to a place where fic rarely goes and that's alarmingly close to reality. I stayed with my sister-in-law and helped her through a similar circumstance, and all I can say is that you must have been there. Your story took me right back. There's no one to blame, of course, but these things are so hard on the family. Thank you so much for writing this, and for keeping such a careful narrative hand on it the whole time. Kind of like Saradoc's reassuring embrace.

Fear · Wed Jul 28, 2004 5:05 pm

"But promises of a friend
Diminish deeply
By winter's end"

That sentence creates a powerful image.

The Missing Piece · Wed Jul 28, 2004 5:02 pm

This line was startling and evocative: "I feel naked in my skin." The flow and song-like quality of the piece are strengths as well. However, in a couple of places the poem drifts to empty cliche: "the depths of my heart," "my emptiness," "infinity." Also, grammatically, the last word in the poem should be "lie." Overall, this poem is compelling, but it could use some polish.

The Silver Serpent's Kiss · Fri Jul 23, 2004 2:01 pm

There really isn't enough here to get a sense of whether I'm liking it or not, but I'll put it on my Watch list and check back. Yay you for writing about Harad, tho!

Prayer of the Rohirrim (alt title: We Of The Sword) · Fri Jul 23, 2004 1:36 pm

Heck yeah! Every word was Rohirric in feeling... I could feel the vibration of the entire Eorlingas reciting this thing en masse. Just, fantastic!

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Reviews by Viv