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Gondor's Grief (G)
by boz4PM.
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Sat Feb 07, 2004 11:04 am
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Nice job. I liked the image with the flower at the end. Maybe you could begin the poem with that flower, and then it could tie into the end. Just one criticism: in one stanza, you start off saying she doesn't know where he lies and you end saying that the sea is where he lies. That's a subtle contradiction you might want to clear up. Do write more  |
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Frodo's Words (G)
by LuthienTinuviel.
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Sat Feb 07, 2004 10:56 am
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Ah, I see you've put up new poetry! hurrah! I'll follow suit, then.  |
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Dance (G)
by LuthienTinuviel.
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Sat Feb 07, 2004 10:55 am
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| Pretty poem. You might want to correct 'minstrels sings' as 'minstrels sing.' Sorry if I sound rude by pointing out grammar stuff like that. I don't mean to be rude, I just want to let you know about little things that you can easily improve upon. You created a nice atmosphere with this poem. The next step is giving it a clear emotion (you blended grief and joy, which confused me a bit) or adding a bit of a story, if you like. |
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Sam's Lament (G)
by shireling.
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Wed Jan 28, 2004 3:46 pm
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| This is a very very good poem! I love the images you created, they were so original, natural. Some words and analogies were a bit of a stretch, but for the most part, it was quite beautiful. Very well done, please write more! |
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Ode to the Absent (G)
by Thevina.
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Wed Jan 28, 2004 3:39 pm
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| aww, poor them! I like the 'mother's beard' one, hehe. This was really nice. |
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Frodo's Words (G)
by LuthienTinuviel.
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Sun Jan 25, 2004 4:44 pm
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| Right from the start I could tell you knew what you were talking about, which is a good thing, no? You could improve your word choice (as far as I know, I don't think that 'turmoiled', in adjective form, is a word). But, hey, poetic liscense, I guess. Just be cautious about some other little grammatical things, like "I will tread the path that few went" [do you 'go' a path? no, you would walk a path, choose a path, move along a path, etc]. No, poetry does not always have to be grammatically correct, but it has to make enough sense for the reader to understand what you're saying. Also, when writers strive to find some grammatical sense, they tend to come up with more original words, which is always a plus. Keep the poetry coming! |
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Poems of Many (G)
by ArwenEvenstar.
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Sun Jan 25, 2004 10:28 am
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| Were you going for a sestina (where certain lines are repeated in a pattern throughout different verses)? Because I noticed how you repeated lines like 'friend of elves, men and dwarves,' and also ended consecutive lines with the same word, like 'quest' or 'gardens.' If you meant to do this, you might want to make that clearer by using more repeated, significant lines; however, if you did not intend this repetition, then try to eliminate it. Aslo, try to stay focused on the character about whom you are writing. Did you notice that you ended your poem about Sam with 'Frodo, the great ring bearer'? Consider things like that next time. Not bad for your first try. |
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Through the Mist (G)
by estella.
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Sun Jan 25, 2004 9:58 am
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I liked the last three lines the best, though I would like to point out a few things. I think when you said 'mere' you meant 'mirror.' And also, I don't really see how the line 'happiness' fits in amid descriptions of his pain and sadness. If you are trying to describe his yearning for happiness, or describe happiness in comparison to how he's feeling, you might want to flesh out that line a bit more so the reader will understand what you're trying to say.
~*Holly Took*~ |
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